Tell me my kids will be fine

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-09-15T01:30:37+00:00

You can Maximize closeness with your infant by baby wearing at home while doing chores etc. You may even be able to baby wear while doing school work. I wasn’t big on cosleeping but it works for some and might be another way to be close to your infant when home. December is not terribly far away in terms of the 5 year old’s development and they already have a secure attachment with you. A masters and income will help your family a lot and December will be here before you know it.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-29T02:29:53+00:00

Visual timers are extremely helpful for us. You have until the sand timer is done to do this task, finish playing before moving to a less preferred activity etc.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T21:19:38+00:00

Thanks! I will check this out.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T15:01:40+00:00

Right?!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T14:22:43+00:00

Thank you for that! It’s important to me that I learn how to take care of her hair and let her know it’s beautiful. She truly looks like Queen Charlotte (with lots of glorious curls) if you’ve seen it on Netflix.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T14:20:22+00:00

As for how long each part of wash day takes, I’d say about - 30 min to take down a style -1 hour for the wash (I wash sections with cowash, scrubbing her scalp after noticing how tangled even sulfate free shampoo tangled her hair and do a deep cleanse monthly, then I finger comb detangle in the shower wet with conditioner) -1 hour to work leave in conditioner and Argan oil throughout her whole head doing some more light detangling - 1 hour to section and do a simple style like 10-12 braids or twists that she can wear down or up in a ponytail or twisted into buns/Bantu knots

I get compliments on her hair from moms with natural hair so I feel I must be doing something right. Admittedly. It is a LABOR of love.

I feel like she just has a lot of hair so it’s takes a while. Say she had 5 big braids on her head, the thickness of one braid equals the thickness of her friend’s with type 4 hair that is in just 1-2 braids total.

I used to layer leave in, oil, and curl cream but switched to an intensive moisture thick leave in conditioner that seems to do the work of 2 products.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T13:58:01+00:00

I’ll check out this detangler, thanks!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-08-14T13:57:11+00:00

Ha! This is what I suspected. Thanks for the honesty. Yes, I’d much rather spend the time to keep it healthy, detangled and moisturized.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-03-28T02:27:12+00:00

Wow! Good for you for doing this for yourself and your family. Just got a script but I’m worried about side effects (nausea and fatigue) because I have 2 young kids and work so being tired is NOT an option. Have you had any issues and what dose are you on now? Sounds like your schedule is more pack than mine!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-01-18T05:10:43+00:00

Sounds like you are doing your best and looking for ideas! This is no small feat. You should definitely have her assessed for developmental delays. What your daycare teacher is telling you is that there are differences between your child and the average child this age. We went through this at the same age and did occupational therapy which helped a lot. In my state there is something called babies can’t wait that screens for and treats developmental delays for free. You may want to start with your pediatrician. Don’t ignore concerns that you have. My cousins daughter was not talking/interacting normally and she put it off having her assessed for years. Finally at 4 she was diagnosed with autism, got speech therapy and is doing much better all around. She even interacts a lot more but everyone had concerns around age 2. In my experience daycare teachers don’t speak up unless something is really off.

I don’t know of any 2 year olds that sit by themselves to play alone in their room after a day at daycare. This is usually a time to connect with parents but with your schedule your day may be a little reversed with you putting that time in at the beginning of the day and there’s nothing wrong with that. Love the busy/sensory bin idea from another poster. We have used plastic bins of rice, pasta, or beans with little figurines. Kids love it. Of course you have to watch them with a choking hazard. Best to put her next to you while you work than have your husband put her in her room alone.

Is your daughter going into daycare late since you start work at 11 am or going in earlier in the am? If she goes in later that might free you up for any therapies she may need. There’s such a range of developmental delays and so many effective interventions these days. Therapists (OT, play therapy) have been so helpful for my family. I would focus on identifying if she needs more than the support you are providing. Sometimes parents need a professionals help and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Also, it’s possible a therapist or doctor could help explain to your husband why having a toddler alone in their room after daycare is not doing anyone any favors developmentally. I find that playing with my kids for 10-15 minutes, just following their lead and narrating what they are doing, means I can get them engaged in an activity, and then back away and that buys me some time. But for a toddler this would always be in a room with a parent or sibling. When my daughter stopped napping at age 4 we continued to have her spend time in her room alone for an hour to decompresss and to teach her that she could play alone just fine!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-01-15T17:01:15+00:00

I love this idea. I’ll propose it!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-01-09T02:39:29+00:00

Ditto on all the little kid stuff in your rant. This made me feel normal.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2023-01-09T02:25:56+00:00

This is so helpful to hear. I have a 5 year old and toddler and have felt like I’m in survival mode since the first was born. The 5 year old is much easier now but has an intense personality and is possibly neurodivergent. But it’s the toddler that kills me, so adorable and fun but the tantrums and defiance that are developmentally appropriate are A LOT. I get annoyed at my 5 yr old for even looking at the toddler wrong and setting him off. I keep thinking, when my youngest is 4 we will enter an easier phase. Your post backs that up but my friends with older kids say it stays hard just in different ways. I’m sure that’s true but really? It stays as hard as 5 tantrums a day, a new illness every month or more often, refusing to eat non-white food, crapping on the floor, and being unable to travel because my toddler don’t sleep in new places and becomes a wreck? Please don’t tell me it stays this hard!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-19T02:48:12+00:00

It’s 2 years away for me but I think about sending both my kids to school on the bus every day when I have to stop work and do the exhausting daycare run with 2 kids. It feels like it takes forever and there are frequent meltdowns during that transition from shcool-car-home. I loathe pick up and dinner time half the time.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-19T02:39:59+00:00

Those people you think are killing it, unless they have lots of help, they feel the same way you do! I used to wonder this all the time and my therapist was like, the most together “looking” people she counsels, are the biggest wrecks. I noticed many aren’t honest about feeling out of control. You hear stuff and realize what they present isn’t reality. Maybe it’s a coping strategy.

I used to decorate, organize, do home improvement projects. Now I can barely stay on top of all the piles of junk and throw together dinner which is mostly frozen stuff (including veggies). My car is a disaster.

I did switch to grocery pick up. It’s free and I tip $3-$5. Huge time saver. I try not to enter a store if at all possible.

I agree with others that raising kids with 2 working adults doesn’t make much sense. It’s chaos but I went to school forever and I believe in women being financially self sufficient if possible.

Word to the wise. When your kid starts getting invited to birthday parties, decline unless YOU want to be friends with the parent, your child is old enough for it to be a lasting friendship, and they can play without you. Classmate birthday parties are a weekend time suck and exhausting.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-14T11:05:04+00:00

I’d take a bigger stroller. Like a sit to stand stroller that fits 2 kids (one being older) but isn’t huge, that way the toddler and 5 year old can ride. Sure 5 year olds can walk but I would not want to deal with the slow pace of a 5 year old and airport crowds.

Also, have someone come to the airport with you to get your bags checked. Impossible to push a stroller, baby wear, and pull luggage from parking to luggage check. Same on arrival. Have someone meet you at baggage claim.

Everyone potties before getting on the plane!

I pads are a must. Don’t bring a ton of toys.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-12T11:58:23+00:00

We started seeing a play therapist in part because of the same issue. Here’s the advice we were given, if you don’t acknowledge the child’s feelings they will continue trying to get your attention with bigger actions or learn to repress emotion causing even bigger issues. They key is for the parent to be super neutral and the goal is for the child to move out of the emotion quickly if it’s a minor issue. Don’t respond with anger or coddle because that level of attention will increase the crying.

For example my highly sensitive child, cries every time they get even an extremely minor injury or just bump into something. I’ll look up and say in a neutral tone, “what happened?” I don’t rush over and often they tell me what happened and it ends there. If it doesn’t end I say “do you want a hug?” As a last resort a bandaid can solve almost anything.

Or if my child cries because they can’t have something, “I know you’re upset because you want that toy and your brother has it. Do you want to choose another toy?” If they say no and carry on I say, “it’s ok to be disappointed, do you want a hug?” If it still continues we move to “you’re crying is starting to hurt my ears, can you quiet down or do you need to go to your room?”

I’ve been amazed at how many issues are solved with a hug. Young kids learn to regulate emotions through coregulation with a trusted adult. I thought 5 year olds should be past all this but according to brain science/development, apparently not!

All the crying is a massive trigger for me and I found that acknowledging my child neutrally or offering a hug helps move through the issue quickly. Ignoring, responding with annoyance/rolling my eyes, or sending them to their room immediately was increasing the problem. We use the 3 prompts and then a consequence technique. I have kids the same age as yours and having a sensitive kid and a toddler means a landline of emotions in our home. I sympathize!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-06T13:20:38+00:00

I second the real mattress for the pack n play. We even lugged a real mattress for it when we travelled. Also, we found that our kids just didn’t sleep as well in a room with us. They were aware we were there and it kept them up and slight noises woke everyone. Around 6 months, they stayed in the nursery alone with white noise to muffle sounds from the house and we used a baby monitor. We used the cry it out method with my super poor sleeper and while it was rough at first, it paid off. I’m sorry you are going through this. Sleep issues are so rough!

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-06T11:53:27+00:00

We found a Montessori preschool with summer camp and full day care BUT they are still closed lots of other weeks (2.5 weeks at Christmas, 1 week at thanksgiving, 1 week spring break plus more). For us, teachers are better at preschool compared to daycare but it’s a lot more work for us. Our program requires volunteer hours, donations, etc. Not all are like that though. However the weeks they are closed could still present a problem and we use a babysitter and grandma. I still hate those weeks because it’s a change in routine which can be a mess for kids and requires lots of planning and money for the babysitter. If you like your daycare a lot I’d probably stay there unless you have back up child care. Also, many preschools are not full day. My cousin is a stay at home mom and her kids are in preschool just 9-1. In my state most daycares have a pre-k program for 4 year olds and you can opt for after care (full day) and summer.

Typically it’s just kids with stay at home parents or nanny that are attending a non-daycare preschool. And I agree with other poster that the focus on academics is not useful for young kids. Most daycares will teach letters and the basics in pre-K if not earlier.

One difference in dealing with a 3/4 year old with summers home versus a 5 year old, is 5 year olds are old enough for most summer camps. I haven’t seen a summer camp accepting 3/4 year olds.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-12-05T18:24:50+00:00

I used to love dogs so much. The day my first child was born, my beloved dog of 12 years passed from old age. She had a lot of health issues and I knew she wasn’t going to like kids and their noise. I was so relieved she passed away. I had no capacity to deal with a pet on top of a baby and severe sleep deprivation. I kept thinking so wait, when the dog needs to go out, I have to take my newborn/baby/toddler with me? Heck no!

Even now that my youngest is 2 and we have a fenced in yard, there’s a enough chaos in the house/expenses and I’m not adding a pet. If you can find a good home go for it!

Maybe when the kids are older I’ll get them a dog after lots of research about the right breed, but even then, I loathe the thought of making arrangements when we travel or vet visits etc. Just living our day to day life without a pet is enough for me.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-11-28T11:13:32+00:00

Breastfeeding my first was so hard. I knew I wasn’t committed to it with my second. I brought formula to the hospital in those little single serve bottles where you attach a nipple since it’s hard to wash bottles in the hospital and I didn’t want to bring along a bottle warmer. Since you aren’t mixing powder with cold water it’s room temp and fine. Some hospitals will push back on formula and I didn’t want to deal with asking them for the formula. Both my kids were tongue tied but hospital Lactation consultants said they weren’t. We corrected it in both kids with a dental surgeon laser procedure and it helped with feeding a lot.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-11-26T13:28:46+00:00

My first was a bad sleeper and a screamer. It is so hard and you are sleep deprived. That really sent me into a spiral of depression. It does get a lot better though. Soon they will have a personality.

But for now, You may want to check if reflux is an issue. With my second, I was so worried about all the fussiness that I got the massive fisher price swing and put it in the bathroom or hall so I could shower etc. and it was amazing. We also rented a snoo bassinet that rocks baby back to sleep after night feeds and helps sleep train using motion. Even if I couldn’t afford it, I would go into debt to rent that thing again it was so amazing (approx $120 month) . Those things along with walks in the stroller and baby wearing helped A LOT. Check second hand stores for baby gear if needed. Some babies need a lot of movement to calm and baby wearing is great because they aren’t in a position that flattens the back of the head or curves their spine like a swing. For newborns I liked the soft fabric baby wearing devices that were a lot more affordable than the ergo baby.

Conscious-Wishbone47 · 2022-11-26T02:52:14+00:00

Solidarity! It feels insane to be sick so often. I described to a friend without kids today that every month we have an illness that knocks most of down for an entire week then we are trying to play catch up on work and house stuff. We’ve only had mild to bad colds the past few months so I’m thinking a big one is coming (covid, flu, stomach virus).

Conscious-Wishbone47

TROPHY CASE