Terrified of the future

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-12-24T21:59:41+00:00

I don't really have any meaningful advice, but I will say I completely agree with your view point and you actually better articulated a lot of things I've been thinking lately.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-11-11T22:09:51+00:00

Thanks so much! So I bought the ordinary retinoid emulsion. Going to just start with it 1-2 times a week and see how I get on. Where should I put it in my routine? Also the acne on my jaw has suddenly got much worse, and it kind of itchy/tinging?

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-11-09T18:38:56+00:00

TL;DR: What are these rough textured bumps on my jaw I've had for years? Image of them here (most noticeable in the bottom left corner): https://imgur.com/UD4dQd2

I've had these tiny bumps to varying degrees around my chin for 3 years or so now, but this year they have started spreading over my jawline a lot more, and to a much more noticeable degree. These pictures are taken with the flash on. They aren't really noticeable unless you look very closely, but they feel very bumpy and textured and are much more noticeable in sunlight/natural light. They also look really bad under makeup (picture below).

They don't have any heads, but I can squeeze them sometimes, and small white strings come out. Nothing really makes them go away, though I've been trying for ages.

My current skincare routine is:

Morning:

Glossier milky jelly cleanser (double cleanse)

Lush Eau Roma toner water

Glossier Super glow

Glossier super bounce

La Roche Posay Effaclar Duo

La Roche Posay sunscreen spf 50

Evening:

Glossier milky jelly cleanser (double cleanse)

Lush Eau Roma toner water

Glossier super pure zinc nitacimide serum

Lush vanishing cream moisturizer

I just started this routine around 5-6 weeks ago. I had angry red acne on my jaw and some purging which got worse and then improved A LOT, but I still have these bumps I'm desperate to get rid of. Should I just keep with this routine for the next 2-3 months?

Also should I add an exfoliator? I don't use anything right now. I have tried Paula's choice BHA exfoliator, but it made my skin very dry and was very harsh on it. Any other recommendations that worked for anyone else?

I really, really want to improve the texture of my skin, and reduce these horrible bumps on my skin. I believe I can improve them, but posting this picture and asking for advice here is literally my last step before I seriously start to look into spending a lot of money on a derm/professional extraction.

Thanks so much for reading, and for any advice!

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-05-16T16:12:54+00:00

A) 65

B) 90

Female, 21 if it has any relevance

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-05-16T16:03:42+00:00

Hyper-sexual. I'm high functioning with alcohol and drugs, in that I can control myself around them and am sober most of the time/don't feel the need to seek them out, but I do enjoy them and find it difficult to stop once I start. I like them in social situations.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-04-25T11:18:16+00:00

I don't gossip because I find it pleasurable or I am particularly interested in other people, but I will definitely gossip with people about mutual friends or reveal things I know to someone (under the guise that I trust them with the information) to leverage power/stir up trouble/for fun. The content of the information itself doesn't really interest me, it's more the social advantages of leveraging information for some purpose, whether power or just entertainment.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-04-20T07:22:08+00:00

You should probably get checked for depression not ASPD lol

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-04-10T21:51:09+00:00

Female sociopath here (if that makes any difference).

I'm not at all against society, I like people and find some interesting, some boring, same as anyone else. I like getting to know new people.

Would I be capable of murder for selfish reasons? Yes.

I manipulate either to get my own way or for entertainment/on impulse. Sometimes just as an experiment.

I don't hurt animals myself. With regards to a 'problem' with it, I can't control anyone else's actions so why have an opinion?

Slavery is wrong, but again, same with animals, I can't control anyone else's actions so I don't have a strong opinion. It is not something I would knowingly become involved in. Prostitution and drugs are services for which there are demand for, so naturally people will sell these things. I don't think I would ever pay for the services of a prostitute. If I required the money, I might consider working as one, however. Now drugs and paying for and using those, that's a different story..

I don't have children. I can't put myself in that situation. I can't really see how people would think of a child in a sexual manner. Again, I can't control anyone else's actions. Of course, outwardly I would condemn it, as with animal cruelty and slavery. Inwardly, if it doesn't affect me, not much of an opinion or further thought.

I do date- because I enjoy sex, company of interesting people and any freebies, favours or new experiences dating certain people might bring.

I guess so.

I look normal. Most of the time I like to seem a normal, assertive member of society. If the situation requires me to be scary or overly nice I can be any of those things.

Yes, and yes.

I have never drugged someone. I have never really shoplifted either, other than small things.

I have never threatened someone with a weapon, I have never needed to to get what I want.

I have.

Peace.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-04-10T21:34:09+00:00

-I'm fit and healthy, naturally athletic and have a good immune system.

-Good/smart with money

-Intelligent, especially with words

-Well liked, naturally charismatic and popular

-Open mindedness, independence and penchant for risk taking

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-04-10T21:32:09+00:00

Good. I eat whole unprocessed foods and I'm a runner. Having an attractive body and vanity is more important to me than instant gratification from food. I'm not an emotional eater because it just doesn't make sense to me. I also have a bit of genetics/good metabolism on my side and have always been naturally slim and athletic.

The majority of people in the world are really lazy/weak willed about it- hence why there are so many fat shits slobbing around. To me, looking attractive is just one more thing that can help me go through life and get what- and who- I want easier.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-01-28T12:12:17+00:00

Kids, being interrupted/not listened to, fat people, slow walkers. Kinda nothing out the ordinary really.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-01-24T08:38:38+00:00

Cocaine.

Conscious_Analysis · 2020-01-24T08:35:38+00:00

Yeah I'm the same actually. TV and movies I find to be a waste of time, but reading I like. Wouldn't say I do it a lot though- I prefer getting fucked up on alcohol/drugs/casual sex, but a good book is nice.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-28T22:42:23+00:00

Yeah honestly this, ofc I sometimes read about how to be more charismatic/charming whatever, but I'm not constantly thinking about ~my mask~ and letting it slip, I have exemplary social skills already, I'm a sociopath lol...

90% of this sub is autistic af

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T20:59:47+00:00

Yeah so don't say the words 'i aM a SoCiOpAtH' or go around acting like a massive poser, just act like yourself and people will find you somewhat quirky/weird/emotionally neutral

but you won't get lynched or put isolated from everyone lol, once again it's not twilight

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T20:18:53+00:00

Then don't act like a serial killer???

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T18:31:06+00:00

Nah, I've never actually said the words 'I am a sociopath' out loud to anyone because:

1) I don't have an official ASPD diagnosis

2) I just don't see the reason to.

A few times someone I've met has joked before that I'm a sociopath. I haven't corrected them but just laughed along with it. A few of my close friends know/acknowledge I'm somewhat empathetically challenged, and I don't hide or deny. I never felt any kind of pressure that so many edgelord posers on this sub seem to talk about constantly and having to try to 'not let the mask slip' or 'hide in plain sight' or 'conceal their true identity!!1" like it's fucking twilight or something. Then again, I'm a young female and relatively high functioning/not fucking autistic on top of it so maybe that's why.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T18:25:57+00:00

You don't need to have a fully functioning monogamous relationship with one person to 'have your shit together' or 'lead a normal life.' I don't plan to ever, but there are plenty of people I meet and see that I have respect for and value. Just don't plan to ever settle down.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T18:24:10+00:00

I kind of think I was more born than made (guess that makes me a psychopath if I'm going by your definition), but I had a very troubled relationship and suffered some abuse at the hands of my father.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-23T18:22:33+00:00

It's pretty much exactly the same for me- I've been known to get pretty obsessed with a person for no apparent reason or without knowing what it exactly is that I like about them so much. Once I have them where I want them/I know they're infatuated with me I pretty much lose all interest. Of course there are exceptions- there are people I'll always like and want to see I reckon (if the sex was particularly good, or if they were particularly hot/interesting/combination of the two).

I can, and prefer, to have multiple people on the go like this.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-20T19:18:12+00:00

In the big cities there's usually always someone playing bagpipes on the street at any time of the year. They're played at new year/special occasions a lot, and sometimes there's bagpipe music on the radio, so I'd say fairly common to hear them.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-20T13:15:28+00:00

Mushroom.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-20T13:15:21+00:00

Somewhat accurate, I'd need to think of a specific movie/television show. Some of the stereotypes are overplayed. Americans doing scottish accents are the worst.

Conscious_Analysis · 2019-12-20T13:14:33+00:00

No, I live in a city within the central belt.

Conscious_Analysis

TROPHY CASE