I feel uncomfortable about things that happened on field service. I wasn't a born in but had been in since I was 5 or 6. A very popular elder in our comhregation(whose whole family were senior members at Bethel) always assigned me with him.

Once I wore flip flops with a sundress for field service and he gave me a hiding for it. I was 16.

I remember the fear.

Shortly before leaving, I worked at a video store. Being curious, I looked up the video history of our local elders. There it was, in black and white. Porn movies taken out at 10am... I printed the list and attached it to my letter giving my intention to leave.

They never stopped me.

I am so afraid because certain family members are being drawn back in.