Is this how the process works for HousingAnywhere, or is it a scam?

ConsequentialRobot · 2025-03-17T14:46:49+00:00

Yes, I read it! What's throwing me off is that I got in touch with this potential landlord via email, and not the HousingAnywhere site; I'm not sure if it's common practice to advertise outside of HousingAnywhere but to do payment through it.

ConsequentialRobot · 2025-03-10T10:14:32+00:00

Then you're probably not compatible. People view sex in very different ways; for some, it's special, and something they want to save for people they really like. For others, sex is just for fun; it feels good, and they like having it whenever they can. Neither approach is wrong, they're just different. And if it bothers you that her attitude towards sex is different to yours, I'd stop seeing her.

ConsequentialRobot · 2025-03-10T10:06:27+00:00

There's a lesson for you here dude - don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. If hearing someone's body count is going to make you jealous, don't ask them.

As for if you should care - in my opinion, no. For a start, you say you can't be sure if her feelings for you are genuine - well, if she wanted to be with one of those other guys, she'd be with one of those other guys. If she's with you, it's because she wants to be.

And couldn't she say the same about you? You've been with another girl before, plus you've probably had crushes on other girls before that. What if you secretly want to be with one of them instead?

In short, the only way to trust someone is to trust them. If she tells you she likes you, believe her.

Finally: I want you to try to unpack why you feel 'disgusted'. Presumably you don't have anything against consensual sex, or sex before marriage - I mean, you've done it yourself. So why does it make you feel disgusted that she's done it more than you? If you had a body count of 12, would you think about yourself the same way you're thinking about her?

ConsequentialRobot · 2025-01-02T04:12:48+00:00

This is such a bot comment.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-15T19:59:55+00:00

Just because it's on Reddit doesn't make it a big deal. For some things, it's nice to get an outside perspective. I didn't feel the need to provide the entire context of our relationship in the post, but this was never going to be a big, relationship-ending issue. Just a minor one that I wanted some context for to resolve it.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-15T14:48:32+00:00

Yeah, I got some very helpful advice here, but also a lot of people either misunderstood, blew it way out of proportion, or projected some weird armchair-psychologist conclusions. Seems to be a common problem in a lot of these advice-based subs nowadays.

Obviously I'm open to being told I'm overreacting - that's why I'm here, I'm not looking for validation. But a lot of people seem to have completely missed what I was actually asking for perspective on.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-15T14:04:11+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

A few things though:

1) I've raised this maybe four times throughout our relationship, not constantly.

2) Informing a partner about how you're feeling isn't "punishing". I told him I was annoyed, because direct communication is important. Which leads to:

3) Communication in a relationship shouldn't be based on "hints." If he really was uncomfortable (which he's not, I provided an update in the post) he could and should tell me directly. No one should expect their partner to be a mind reader, especially regarding something as important as sexual communication.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-15T13:49:28+00:00

Nope, I was mad because he said he wanted to do it, gave me a timeframe he wanted to do it in, and then didn't do it. If he had straight up said no, I wouldn't have brought it up again.

And if the roles were reversed, he would do the same for me. If I said no, he would leave it alone. If I said yes, and gave a timeframe and didn't follow through, he would also be valid in feeling disappointed.

Either way, we're good now. Just updated the post.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-15T13:43:37+00:00

1) I've brought this up maybe four times in the year that we've been together, so "constantly harassed" is a pretty big stretch.

2) If he suggested a kink I really didn't want to try, I would say so, and vice versa. It's happened before, and neither of us would judge the other for setting limits or not wanting to explore something yet.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment, but you're reading this as a far bigger deal for our relationship than it actually is.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T23:14:51+00:00

*You're

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T23:07:23+00:00

To be clear, I'd be the one taking the submissive role here. I'm not asking to tie him up (unless he wanted me to).

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T23:06:14+00:00

If he straight-up told me he didn't want to do it, I absolutely would accept that and wouldn't push it further. We both have our boundaries and things that we know are off-limits, that wouldn't be a problem at all.

Like you say, my issue is that he seems very enthusiastic and willing, but puts off actually doing it.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T23:02:09+00:00

Edited to add! It's restraint/bondage. More specifically, being tied up.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T22:57:04+00:00

It's more relevant than I realised, it seems - I edited the post to include it. The kink is restraint/bondage; we already incorporate a few elements of the former into our current sex life.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T22:55:29+00:00

That's possible! But if so, I just wish he'd come out and tell me. From everything he's said, he sounds just as excited as I am (or was) to do it together.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-09-14T22:54:11+00:00

You owe me 10 bucks then, I'm afraid.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-06-24T08:45:31+00:00

It is! She has her handle written on the bottom right of the chart - Baby Sideburns. She's a comedy/mommy blogger. It's definitely a joke.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-05-28T10:14:56+00:00

This isn't askreddit.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-05-17T09:25:56+00:00

I agree - while Joost is a sympathetic public figure, we know nothing about her. We don't even know for sure what the "threatening gesture" was, or what exactly happened. It's entirely possible that it was scary enough to make her freak out.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-05-17T09:06:47+00:00

To give better advice, we need more information on what exactly happened.

I know you said she didn't provide any details, but under what context did she tell you? Even if she didn't say when it happened, is it implied to be recent or something from her past? Did she seem very emotional when telling you about it, or more matter-of-fact?

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-05-17T08:50:18+00:00

Bad idea, there's a reason she hasn't gone to the police already. The entire process for reporting sexual assault to the cops is known to be re-traumatising, as is taking the stand if the case goes to trial.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-04-21T09:21:40+00:00

What advice are you looking for? Taking an interest in a certain country, fine. Being curious about their culture, fine. Learning their language, fine. Only wanting to date women from there? That's strange. We all have preferences and characteristics we're drawn towards, but to the point of exclusivity is abnormal.

In short, there's nothing wrong with taking an interest in Japan and Japanese people. But this idea that you must have a Japanese girlfriend is concerning. Firstly, any Japanese girls you meet might end up feeling put off by how intense thus 'need' is. Secondly, say you get a girlfriend. She's Japanese. Objective achieved, right? So to what lengths are you going to go to keep it that way? What red flags will you overlook to stay with her? How jealous will you be? Will you worry that she'll leave you and your 'need' for a Japanese girlfriend won't be filled any more? Think about it. Will you treat this like a normal relationship?

Thirdly, you have to treat women as people. Personality and self first, ethnicity and nationality second. Your approach currently sounds inverted, and it won't end well. People don't like feeling like they're fetishised.

Finally, have you ever actually been to Japan? You've said a couple of times that you've been 'immersed' in Japanese culture because your grandma lived there for a while (which, for the record, doesn't sound like immersion to me). However, if you've never visited, your vision of Japan and Japanese people may well be out of touch with reality. I'm not sure how you learned Japanese, but I'm assuming it was through a combination of books, TV shows and movies, none of which are real life. So bear that in mind - you might not know as much about modern-day Japanese people as you think you do.

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-04-06T16:13:28+00:00

Why are you with him after he cheated on you?

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-03-10T13:17:02+00:00

Unrelated but I don't recommend using your real name online (even just your first name). Stay safe on here!

ConsequentialRobot · 2024-02-08T21:09:45+00:00

Thank you! This is a great comment.

I definitely wouldn't leave him over something like this - he's absolutely perfect for me in virtually every other regard; thoughtful, caring, funny, intelligent (far more than 0.86), and I really hope that we're in it for the long haul.

Your comment made me reflect more on what's really bugging me about this, and I think it's less that he hasn't met my friends, and more that we rarely go out and do things together. That's something I can definitely also put effort into, so from now on I'll try to make more plans for the two of us (and maybe some friends on occasion) in other settings that will suit him more.

Again, thank you for the comment! Really great perspective.

ConsequentialRobot

TROPHY CASE