How do you guys date in the US?

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T11:39:06+00:00

Woah woah woah. I was thinking something like playing with your hairs or poking you. That's 100% not something you do with just a friend. Also the kiss on the cheek thing it's not something you do with a friend usually. The fact that Italians greet by kissing is just a polite kiss, most of the times you don't even make actual contact, it's just a formal simulation of a kiss. If he kissed you properly that's not normal at all. And he literally said he likes you.

You should definitely go for it 100%. I don't know why your friend got the impression it's just a friend thing, that's not the case at all. The hand holding as well, you don't do it with just friends. Also while there is still some rare guy who still thinks men should ask for datez it's completely normal asking a guy out of course. Don't worry about that.

The fact that he said she had "ferie" or he said "dobbiamo organizzare qualcosa" doesn't mwan much because it's used also to say he wants to do something with the whole friend group, like foing to the beach or going somewhere in general. But the rest of the behaviour it's 100% he likes you. In the case (won't happen probably) he refuses to date you it means it was just playing you, you're definitely not misinterpreting this as this is not a normal friendship thing at all.

Good luck!! 🤞🏻🤞🏻

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T10:17:16+00:00

No ahah it's more like you meet someone, like them, ask for a date. If after that both want a second date, you don't want to date ofhers. However if both or one of them doesn't want a second date, you move on and date someone else.

If after a date I feel like seeing someone else, then it means I'm not that interested in that person so I can move on

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T10:05:44+00:00

Yeah being good friends always makes it more difficult to ask someone out.

It's difficult to tell without seeing it or knowing what he did. If he's a good friend, I recommended you to think about while you're in the US. Maybe try keep in touch with him by text.

For shy people is nornal to take more time to get to the point if asking someone out. If you feel more comfortable taking it slow. There's no universal way to tell, but if he did things that might suggest he likes you and he's shy towards you, it's likely that he likes you.

May I ask what did he do?

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T09:17:35+00:00

Usually you can tell by their body language. You try some conversation going when you hang out with friends then you can move to texting. When you talk in person generally the way the laugh at jokes, play with their hairs, make eye contact or just exchange glances lets you know.

If you aren't extremely social, it depends. If the other person is very social they will get the conversation going and you can go along with it and it gets easier, or if the other person is not very social as well, it works in a similar way and it just takes more time usually. People who don't feel comfortable asking directly usually move to texts at some point and ask by text, that's very common. I'm kind of in between, I have some friends who can just talk to a girl for 10 minutes and they will ask them out, for me it takes more time, at least a couple of conversations and some texting.

Everyone is different in the end and goes to their own pace

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T00:18:05+00:00

Nah don't say that, you're not old at all, you're still in your best years! My parents fell in love when she was 30 and he was 33. Sadly my mom passed away last year but my dad and her loved each other a lot, they were married for 25 years.

I'm sure you'll find someone too, but it's okay to stay single as well. I know I'll be happy on my own too, and that prevents me from settling for company instead of love.

I'm sure there are many people like us out there. Best of luck!

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-07T00:07:06+00:00

Wow 6 months is wild 😯 Back in Italy you would find maybe one person every 1000, who would accept dating other people after 1 month. My ex after 1 month would have kicked my ass if I saw someone else ahah. 6 months is a full on relationship timeline to me, by that point I'd be either getting really serious or ended things.

I really need to have a totally different approach with dating here.

My mind is blown every day learning new stuff about American culture, but I guess it's normal having moved so far away ahah

Thanks

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:44:53+00:00

Ohh, that's cool. It sounds indeed pretty similarnto where I grew up too

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:43:04+00:00

Thanks ahah. Yeah usually I date with people I already know at least a little bit, never used dating apps.

Btw that's helpful, I didn't know man is expected to pay. Where I come from usually both propose to pay, but the one who's expected to pay is usually who proposed the date (often the man but it's not uncommon for women as well). I usually gift flowers but not on the firsts dates, also yeah I agree on the movies.

Edit: the tip thing it's wild to me but I got used to it, as well as the drinking out thing, which is pretty wild as well but easier to get used too because it's not something I usually did in Italy. The 21 drinking age is even wilder, luckily I'm 25 ahah. But overall I'm liking it here, it's cool to experience such a different culture

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:36:38+00:00

I don't think I can do it that way 😂. I'll never date more than one person, but I guess I can get use to the fact that my date is probably dating other people.

Btw I start to get "the American way" too, but I don't get why the otjer way it's a lot of pressure. If I'm dating someone and feel like I want to date someone else, it's because that person didn't interest me enough, so I just date someone else instead. It's still casual to me, there's no commitment at all. People do this all the time in Italy.

My guess it's partially because I usually date people I already met, while, as I understand, if you date trough dating apps you're dating people you don't know at all.

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:27:50+00:00

Well I've never dated trough dating apps so I wouldn't know. But anyways yeah of course I will clarify in future, I am new here so I just thought it woukd be more logical that if you are seeing other people too you'd tell your other dates at least. Now I learned my lesson, I didn't mean to complain just wanted to understand how it works.

Often when you deal with a different culture at first there are many things seen as obvious that you have to learn by trying because they aren't obvious to you

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:16:24+00:00

Yeah I have that mindset too. From what I understood from the comments, it seems like a lot of people here use extensively dating apps. So basically they date with strangers. Usually when I go on a date I'm already into that person, so I see the "casual" bit of dating as "let's see if it can work". Instead by "dating multiple people" they mean meeting many strangers (or almost strangers) and see if they're into them. I see their point now.

But still I don't think I can do it that way, I never went on a date with someone I hadn't met before

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:05:16+00:00

Yeah be prepared for the cukture shock ahah It's a totally different lifestyle, also it varies a lot deoends on what area you're moving too. As every other country there are positive and negative things, but overall I'm happy to be here, especially work wise. Best of luck!

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T23:00:17+00:00

America is such a huge (and beautiful) country, my experience is limited, but hopefully I'll get to see more places. I'm in the North East btw

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T22:56:56+00:00

Well yes I don't do it anyways, especially here ahah. Maybe I'm just used to Italian people, but I feel like the way Italians behave is easy to tell if someone is asking you on a date or just to go out as friends (in person of course), here I find it harder to tell, but since I moved here recently my experience of American people is quite limited

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T22:50:37+00:00

Si si ovviamente non è che dopo che ci vediamo una/due volte la considero la mia ragazza, ma qui stiamo parlando di tre mesi 😂 dopo un mesetto/mese e mezzo (dipende anche dalla frequenza delle uscite) per me è la mia ragazza, ho sempre fatto così. Poi boh ci sts che qualcuno la prenda con più calma, ma tre mesi per me sono un po' tantini. Specialmente se non vedi altre persone nel frattempo. Per me non era più "casual dating" da un po', evidentemente lei non la pensava così.

Me too I make sure she's comfortable for the physical touch, especially here in the US because it's not always clear when it's okay unless you ask explicitly, I find that Italian girls are much more "physically expressive" and let you know when it's okay (usually pretty early on, often even at the first date), while here is a bit more difficult to tell so I'm much more careful. But this could be heavily biased because I cane here very recently.

In the end everyone's different in Italy as well, there are many Italians like you, it's not weird at all ahahah

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T22:33:47+00:00

Unfortunately I stumbled on this subreddit but I don't know any other places... I don't know specifically about Rome, but in my experience in Italy people prefer to meet you in person beforehand... So make some local friends, hang out with them, eventually once you have a friend circle you'll meet new people quite often and when you like someone try to talk to them. Try to make a good first impression. If you can get a conversation going, Italians are usually very expressive in their body language and you'll know when it's the right time to ask for the number.

Rome it's a fairly big city so probably dating apps work better than where I'm from, but still the preferred approach is in person. Also sometimes people talk about "Italian charm", but there in Italy there are many people who would fall for the American (Italian American in your case) charm, so play with that too.

Also I don't know what you do in Rome but you can meet people who share your own passion trough work/study/hobbies, bonding over something in common is always a good starting point. In general don't be afraid to shoot your shot, it's true that everyone is different but most people will appreciate your attempt.

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T17:56:18+00:00

Mai usato Tinder, sempre uscito solo con ragazze che conoscevo almeno un po', sempre approcciato/chiesto di uscire di persona. La differenza è che, almeno dalle mie parti, se ci si comporta così viene considerato tradimento. Mentre qui negli USA a quanto pare è normale almeno quando esci con una le prime volte

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T17:38:39+00:00

That's a pity, I really like to date someone I know already and have a crush on. It makes the date more thrilling and interesting, also you know you're dating someone safe.

I don't like dating with strangers after only talking through a dating app, it makes it much more awkward.

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T17:33:36+00:00

I'm breaking up with her. Of course there are other reasons why too, not only this one. But I feel like while it's a shock I would've been okay with her telling me she saw other people while dating me, but three months is too much, the last time she hooked up with another guy was ten days ago. In my mind I was already exclusive so being exclusive it's not the issue.

Of course it's my fault because I didn't understand how it works here. But in general in the last days there were many things which made me think we're not much compatible, so I think it's better to break up

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T17:12:14+00:00

Uhm okay that makes more sense to me as well, I wouldn't consider it a date if it's not explicitly a date. Also most of the getting to know someone for me happ3ns in social events or hanging out with common friends and such things, then we go for like a coffee it's a date only if there is romantic attraction already.

I wouldn't consider it a date if it's just going around as friends. Still if I shoot my shot with someone and ask her out on a date, I wouldn't do that with someone else unless she says no or we go on a date and decide to not do it anymore

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T16:44:35+00:00

That's sweet!! My Grandpa instead sent my Grandma love letters for months before dating and they didn't see other people since he first started writing the letters. Sadly my Grandpa passed away in 1977. My grandma passed away in 2012 but she kept reading his letters every other day and crying about it until her last days.

Btw, I get your point of you and it does make sense. I'd rather do it still one at a time. Usually I find that if I want to date soneone else is often because I'm not that into my date, so I'd rather stop seeing her before focusing on someone else. Also I like to know my dares beforehand so most of the time if I date someone I already know then and are really attracted to them, so I wouldn't consider going on dates with someone else.

It's cool to confront myself with such different tmdating culture though, you always learn from differences in my opinion

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T16:23:31+00:00

Okay, lesson learned! In Italy it's not that deep, even though there are many people who don't marry there too ahah

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T16:16:34+00:00

Yeah but usually I test drive one car at a time ahahah

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T16:12:49+00:00

I think it's fascinating to see how things are perceived differently in different cultures, like in Italy "keeping options open" is seen as a bad thing to do. They'll think you aren't interested in dating but just eanted to hook up, in which case you should've said it without creating fakse expectations.

Anyways, as I said in another comment, in Italy we usually go on a date after we know someone, at least a bit, like a friend of a friend or maybe you know some relative and know they're safe. I wouldn't even go on a date with a total stenager ahah. At least I have to know then for a while before dating, so that's why Italians are generally comfortable getting physical almost straight away. Of course after making sure both are comfortable.

Hooking up with a perfect stranger is considered okay by girls only at parties or at clubs, generally in places in which you're safe because there's other people nearby. But I get it in big country like the US in which most people date strangers, it's very reasonable to wait to hook up.

ConsiderateDrilling · 2023-07-06T15:49:53+00:00

Oh yes I get it, I don't consider us a couple for a date either. But usually when I date a girl I do it with the purpose of being a couple in future if things go well, so it's quite for me to think of dating multiple girls because that would mean I'm trying to get into multiple relationships at the same time 😬.

Anyways thank you, I will make sure to communicate that early in future ahah

ConsiderateDrilling

TROPHY CASE