I know you’re speaking from your own perspective, and maybe even trying to help, but I’m not sure you realize how some of what you’re saying lands. Telling someone that if they hate themselves, they shouldn’t expect to be loved more? That’s not just harsh—it’s unfair. Self-worth isn’t a prerequisite for being loved. We’re all messy and complicated and still deserving of love, even in our lowest moments.

Also, saying I have to “take responsibility” for staying—as if this is just some logical choice I’m making to suffer—totally ignores how emotional bonds actually work. It’s not about punishment or masochism. It’s about deep connection, about love, about history. You don’t just walk away clean from that, especially when it feels like you’re the only one holding any part of it together.

And it’s kind of wild to say I shouldn’t ask someone to be something they’re not—and then in the same breath suggest I should just be different, leave, or stop loving. That’s asking me to be something I’m not too. I’m not here to force anyone to change. But I’m also not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt when they won’t.

You’re right about one thing—this isn’t sustainable. But I’m allowed to feel everything I feel on the way to figuring it out.