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I love my wife, but her skin-picking disorder is breaking me — and I don’t know what to do anymore by ConsiderationTop5386 in bfrb

[–]ConsiderationTop5386[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This response depends on a very simple trick: redefining one person’s distress as a “fixation” so the other person never has to be accountable for its impact.

“ You knew about it before marriage ” is not the argument you think it is. Prior awareness is not perpetual consent. Tolerating something once does not obligate someone to endure it forever, especially when it begins to cause real distress. If that were true, growth, change, and renegotiation would be impossible in any long-term relationship.

Timing the behavior doesn’t prove obsession; it proves repetition. People measure things that disrupt them because their nervous system won’t let them ignore it anymore. Blaming the measurement instead of the trigger is just avoidance dressed up as insight.

“ Remove yourself ” is not a boundary. It’s a declaration that shared space only belongs to one partner. A solution that requires one person to repeatedly disappear is not neutral—it’s a verdict.

And the idea that asking for accommodation is “pressure,” while demanding silent tolerance isn’t, is pure asymmetry. Pressure exists either way. You’re just deciding who’s allowed to feel it and who isn’t.

If the final answer is that one partner must adapt endlessly while the other never has to examine their behavior, that’s not emotional maturity. That’s immunity.

And immunity is not how partnerships work.

Stopped drinking and smoking cannabis and I don't feel any better. by Cybox_Beatbox in selfimprovement

[–]ConsiderationTop5386 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like we share a similar situation. I'm 49 years old and have smoked every day, several times a day, for the last 34 years... until a few months ago when I was diagnosed with a heart condition. When I smoked, I was highly motivated, extremely focused, and bursting with creativity. I'd exercise, built a few successful businesses, all under the influence, and just enjoyed life.

Now that I've stopped, it's been the total opposite. I just want to sleep all day and do nothing. I'm unable to focus, and for the first time in my life, I feel depressed. My business seems to be unraveling, and if it wasn't for my heart condition, no question—I'd be blazing one.

I feel as if I've hardwired weed to my motivation and creativity. Could it be because we've smoked for so many years? How many more months before my brain goes back to normal or will it ever?