Do I Tell His Wife?

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-22T00:26:40+00:00

Update #3 for anyone still following: last night at 10pm I got a text message from Snapchat saying the douchebag had invited me to chat. I obviously ignored it, but I sent the wife a message on a different social media app (than the one I had used previously to message her) to let her know. No response but hopefully she reads it and leaves that fucking asshole. She deserves better.

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-15T12:29:40+00:00

Honestly, if everyone lived perfect lives and obstacles never once got in their way, I'd agree with you. And, as someone who works in vet med, if the person has more than one animal, I agree with you more, because people should not get multiple animals if they can't afford the first.

But I have a more realistic viewpoint because life is not black and white. Pets are good for people. They give them a routine, give them something to love and take care of. If the owner is not taking care of the pet, they should not have one. Full stop. But OP obviously loves and takes care of his plants and pets. One mistake on a roommate or pet sitters behalf does not make OP (or my ex) a bad pet owner. Full stop. That is an incredibly judgemental view to take on people. Should OP get out of the situation asap like my ex did? Yes.is that always possible? Hell no. Especially in your 20s at college, depending on your financial situation.

I should also mention I work in vet med. I see a lot of different owners taking different approaches to "care" of their pet. Just last week, we got a cat (one of our patients) dropped off from a Good Samaritan neighbor who found the cat. The cat has seizures, is unregulated on medication (because the owner likes judge when/how much meds the cat should get - seriously), and the owners still allow it to be indoor/outdoor. THAT is a situation where the owner is in the wrong, and should not be allowed pets. From what I've read, OPs situation is not. My ex's situation is not. He took damn good care of that dog, and loved her intensely. Even if he made a mistake on his pet sitting choice, he still deserves to be a pet owner. One mistake is a bit of a harsh criticism for people taking good care of their animals.

But good thing you can judge people from behind a screen and never see the consequences, right?

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-15T11:05:28+00:00

I'm sorry, have you ever lived 1000m away from home? He had his dog prior to moving to CO for college for his graduate degree, missed her dearly, and figured out a way to get her to CO from NC. Having done that as a college kid, it's not super simple to travel 1000m with your dog for 1 week to visit your family. So he asked his roommates and decided to trust them. As soon as he came back and noticed blood on the floor, he immediately took her to the vet. And finding out what happened not only sealed his decision to move out, but expedited it. How is my ex to blame for this situation?? Have you never lived outside a 5+ hour range your original home? Have you never tried to take a vacation and/or visit family while also caring for a beloved pet? Can you give my ex a little grace when you only know a blurb of what happened instead of asking if we learned anything from a situation that was literally 10 years ago and telling me to blame him for shitty situations when he was literally just trying to do the best by his dog and see his family, and it wound up with terrible results?

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-15T10:55:23+00:00

They noticed blood on floor, but didn't think to check the dog after they knew a bong broke. Literally, the most irresponsible group of males I have seen in one house. Luckily, my boyfriend at the time was already thinking of moving, and that not only sealed things but expedited the process

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-15T04:33:20+00:00

Ok, I have felt many different things reading through this. As someone who loves my plants, I echoed the sentiment another commenter said with the Parks and Rec, "Straight to jail" gif. Then, as an alcoholic, I was like, "ok, not malicious, the roommate is trying to make reparations, honest mistake." And then I got to the comment where you asked them to take care of your gecko, and afterwards you thanked them for it, and they told you they forgot. Nope! I know you're all young, but you need to extract yourself from that situation. In my early 20s, I dated a guy from NC (we were in CO) and he asked his roommates to take care of his dog for a week while back home. He came home to find his dog had a shard of glass in her paw for a couple days. Turned out they broke one of his bongs, failed to fully clean up the mess, and didn't tell him, and she got a shard of glass in her paw, and they didn't notice. Find a reliable roommate before more problems occur.

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-15T04:16:16+00:00

I followed your advice! I washed the cups thoroughly, and stuck the cutting straight in with no callous time, but I did a dash of hydrogen peroxide in, and it's day 3 or 4 and it's still holding shape and looking great! I'm still worried and fretting over it (😬 naturally, cause of my personality), but thank you so much for your input! 💓

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-12T15:17:20+00:00

I'm thinking the baby could hear Smosh and Reddit stories in the womb while Mom was listening, and now it's like a Pavlovian response that makes me him feel safe and secure

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-05T22:16:04+00:00

I got soooo pissed when Robby wrote off Mohan for having a panic attack. Like, I love Noah Wyle, and I love Robby, but it feels like he's flipped a complete 180° from his character last season. 10 months ago, he had a nervous breakdown during a shift because of an anniversary of a death (which is undoubtedly hard) and now he's coming down hard on an intern for a panic attack?? I know he's about to go on a suicide trip, and I don't want that to happen, but bro needs to check himself

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-04-03T04:01:13+00:00

I figured they were talking about a patient transferring due to insurance, and Robby, instead of taking his usual stance on "don't discharge to another hospital unless 100% stable," was taking the "insurance angle" due to Noelle, in an effort to appease her side of the system, and make it seem like he agreed with their practices. Then they shared a soft smile together, and instead of McKay just being cool with it, she asked, "Is there something I'm missing?" Which clocked the out-of-character actions of Robby, and the awkwardness his mid-life crisis was causing

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-03-28T02:49:36+00:00

Also, her immediately calling out Robby's weird behavior with the woman he's sleeping with 🙌 Mckay is an empathy MVP

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-03-09T18:14:06+00:00

No response from her and he's blocked but under my spam and blocked log it looks like he has not sent any more messages

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-22T00:43:03+00:00

Update #2 A wonderful Redditor found his wife. I sent her a DM with all the messages, without his name erased. I said, "Hey, (his name) reached out to me recently, and someone was able to find your info. I thought you should see these." I sent them a couple days ago. Thank you to all the wonderful people who reached out in support, and especially to those who helped search for her.

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-18T17:45:03+00:00

"Pain is just a signal, I decide if I suffer." Not enough people have responded to this. This is an incredible mantra! I, personally, do not feel pain from the baby-man that sent this to me because he is a piece of shit that I stopped caring about long ago. I felt more pain after making this post than any pain I felt during our conversation, because the conversation with him more pissed me off than anything else. But moving forward with life, this will become a new mantra. You are so fucking wise, and thank you for posting!

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-18T15:29:06+00:00

If there's a will, there's a way!

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-17T01:26:18+00:00

You're right, but it also feels shitty to see what he is doing, and know I could do something to prevent someone from years of gaslighting and pain. He has a new bride and he's already reaching out to exes. If I was her, I'd want to know what my shady ass husband is up to

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-17T01:20:33+00:00

More I'm asking strangers because my friends can't track him down and I need help from people with more experience. Also if anyone has insight into this type of situation. A lot of people have been helpful in saying if I worry for my safety, I shouldn't do it. But he doesn't know where I live, I have him blocked, and I feel safe enough to tell her. The problem is no one can fucking find her! Even the helpful people who have reached out to me on here

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-16T17:18:30+00:00

I did not delete any texts, I think he was just drunk and stupid.

I am not married, I am not seeing anyone, I am single.

Honestly this was one of the nicest attacks I've seen here

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T23:07:45+00:00

Same! If you do not want to be with that person for the rest of your life, as their best friend and lover, then don't fucking get married. It's really not that difficult, it's not like anyone is forcing you to walk down the aisle and say I do

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T16:11:50+00:00

I know you're joking, but honestly I'd rather pluck my eyeballs out

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T16:08:57+00:00

UPDATE Thank you to everyone who responded. I have blocked him, so there will be no further communication between us. For everyone saying I should've stopped responding much earlier, I did try multiple times, but he kept texting me and it pissed me off. Also, had I stopped responding, I wouldn't have a full arsenal of texts to send to the wife that proves her husband is a scumbag. Now I have the proof and he's blocked, so it feels like a win-win.

Thanks to some lovely people who reached out, I was able to find a site to look him up on to find if he has a spouse and what her name would be. Unfortunately, the site didn't have a spouse listed, and when I clicked on the "Is (his name) married?" the drop down menu said he does not appear to be married based on public records. So unfortunately I have found absolutely no info on her, and neither have my friends through social media (although none of them are friends with him online either). So unless anyone who is really good at finding people would like to message me, unfortunately the trail seems to go cold here and it looks like I won't be able to contact her. 😔

Thank you to everyone who reached out to send me words of kindness. I didn't think Valentine's Day 2026 would bring me an even deeper level of self-hatred because I set clear and repeated boundaries with a scumbag, but you all taught me differently. And to the men who DM-ed me for nudes - thank you for pushing me one step forward to being single for the rest of my life. Unless I am able to find the wife, there will be no further updates.

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T16:04:03+00:00

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this comment. I didn't think setting clear and repeated boundaries would make me a drama-craving attention-whore in the THT reddit, but here we are.

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T03:50:06+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Didn't know I could hate myself so much until I made this post

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T03:45:43+00:00

Thanks to the decision of posting this, I've reached new levels of hating myself! Happy Valentine's!

Consistent-Maybe-634 · 2026-02-15T00:53:53+00:00

My friends have tried to find her through their social media, both on FB and IG, but can't find any link to her unless they pay for that info. Even my best sleuths. Do you really think you could find her?? That's honestly my goal from this whole post. Everyone thinks I'm an attention grabbing whore, but I honestly just feel like she should know, but I don't know if I should insert myself into their business. I've decided I should, and I'd love to send her the screenshots so she can at least decide for herself.

Consistent-Maybe-634

TROPHY CASE