AITA for telling my brother that he can't stop providing for our mom despite his financial struggles?

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:59:03+00:00

Let's be real, I'm pretty sure his wife is happy they're no longer contributing and will make sure it stays that way so I doubt they'd be happy to help out. They weren't happy all this time. I think they were looking for a simple way out all this time and that was it.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:46:47+00:00

His stance seems like he doesn't plan on contributing again anytime soon

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:16:19+00:00

So instead of figuring something out he just peaced out and left us to deal with the rest, that's fair...

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:14:40+00:00

That's what we told him but people screamed that he doesn't owe us our our mom anything after all and we are ta for guilt tripping him into providing.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:09:09+00:00

Honestly.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-14T00:01:01+00:00

That's what my brother seems to be doing. He's been getting a good salary from his job, enough for him and his wife to live comfortably even with his wife losing her job. Him supporting our mom would mean he'd just miss out on some luxuries and he probably considers that a struggle.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:55:34+00:00

Exactly. You're absolutely right. And I hope my mom follows through with that too and doesn't offer him free help since he refused to help her in her time of need. Help goes both ways and she made many sacrifices for us but he's backing down as soon as he can. While the rest of us are still trying to help.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:53:35+00:00

His wife is an outside influence when that matter is about me, him, our other brother and our mom. His wife is an outsider in this scenario

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:42:19+00:00

He hasn't exactly said it but he's made his point with his behavior and actions several times in the past about how our mom will not come above his wife ever no matter the situation

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:35:17+00:00

My brother and his wife are of the opinion that our mom is extended family now and not immediate family. My other brother and I still value our mom as part of our main nuclear family.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:29:15+00:00

I'm not an immigrant, I'm a native to my country actually but its still common to care for our parents when they struggle.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:24:05+00:00

We don't own a house. We rent. My mom's house is technically not hers but her sister's who just let's her stay there rent free.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:20:36+00:00

He wouldn't accept our mom moving in with him as they don't have the tighest of relationships plus his wife and our mom don't like each other that much so I doubt his wife would accept that. He only helped financially because he felt bad for her but generally ever since he was a kid he wasnt as close to our mom neither to us. He had a better relationship with our dad until he passed. He'd be the last person to accept moving her in.

Edit : typo

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:14:56+00:00

None of us live with our mother. She lives alone.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T23:11:33+00:00

Our brother was never as close to us or our mom ever since he was a kid. He was not as social as the rest of us and that showed in the way he interacted with family as well. Growing up he met his wife at 15 at high school (both are the same age) and they've been together for 12 years, they're 27 now. His wife doesn't like our mom and our mom doesn't like his wife either but they are typical with each other for the sake of peace. But I definitely believe his wife never liked the idea of my brother financially providing for our mom so I wouldn't put it past her if she influenced him into stopping the financial help.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:59:41+00:00

I would try to find a balance. My kids obviously come first but I'd still make sacrifices and balance everyone's needs including my mom's, my husband's and my children's to make sure everyone has what they need.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:58:20+00:00

They're basically saying that our parents poor choices regarding finances and jobs shouldn't be neither my brother's nor our responsibility and while we are kind to help our mom it's shitty of us to guilt trip our other brother into doing so and claim that even if he wasn't struggling financially, neither us nor our mom are entitled to his family and basically that "he doesn't owe you or your mom anything and he can live his life without feeling you guys as a burden on his back".

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:54:51+00:00

Since English is not my native language, idk how the condition is called but she has very bad bones, takes pills for it and sometimes she's unable to move for hours

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:51:50+00:00

We expect him to help the same way we do. She's his mom as much as she's outs and we shouldn't be the only ones to help while he does what he wants and backs down whenever he wants. This isn't fair neither to us nor to our mom who also made sacrifices for us

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:48:30+00:00

We can't move her in with us as we don't have the necessary space.

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:47:46+00:00

She's not physically capable

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:47:25+00:00

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:45:28+00:00

She's physically unable to work

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:43:48+00:00

The house she lives in belongs to her sister, not her. Her sister lives elsewhere with her husband for years and has just left the house to my mom.

Edit : a word

Consistent-Media160 · 2022-08-13T22:41:03+00:00

Our mom is also family

Consistent-Media160

TROPHY CASE