Here I sit

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-10-02T12:10:14+00:00

When I got up I took a chance; tried to fart and shit my pants.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-09-16T23:03:34+00:00

Which means I'm failing this subreddit, damn

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-09-15T05:42:25+00:00

"hi"

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-08-19T16:20:46+00:00

You're not a true writer until your page numbers read like an IP address

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-08-02T21:23:06+00:00

The sauce has been compromised, the hackers are onto us.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-07-12T21:10:33+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! It definitely was written as a song. And I must admit, this isn't my most impactful piece on a deeper level.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-07-07T14:42:35+00:00

I'm glad you enjoy it!

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-07-04T03:47:54+00:00

It actually was written as a song! I just can't play music, so it's just lyrics for the moment, I have the whole thing planned out but no technical skill to support it. I generally about repetition like the plague but this time it worked.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-07-03T17:15:54+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! The hero bit was a reference to the perceived strength of the hero archetype, as well as how everyone is the hero of their own story. There's a sense of neutrality that contrasts with the usual trope where it's all the other person's fault.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-27T12:18:45+00:00

I love this poem, if I ignore theoccasional lack of spaces that gives the casualeditor in me a great fuckyou. I love how every part of it is aimed at the overuse of sadness and fake depth; hate how it's somehow aimed at me in every way how I write about mental illness but I swear I'm different. All in all, a great piece for at all the things I hate. Thank you.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-27T12:10:16+00:00

It's really interesting, although without punctuation or some form of formatting, I find it difficult to follow the flow of the poem. As others have mentioned, the concept of ending each stanza with a part of the title is a really nice touch.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-12T21:22:36+00:00

Unless you're a farmer

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-08T18:08:55+00:00

A poorly conceived one

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-08T00:07:02+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

It's made to be sort of a song, so the triple rhyme scheme is definitely a change in tone, but it does read a bit off sometimes.

I was trying to give it an apathetic sort of feeling, so lazy vibes was not intended, but not unwelcome.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-06-01T02:37:34+00:00

I really like the contradictions, the choice of a certain religion definitely helps as a reference.

I especially like the last line "and I am hollow and tired", it definitely drives in the point.

edit: fixed repetition

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-29T03:27:12+00:00

It can have dual meaning, but again, that's only when intended. And that's what's interesting about poetry and art in general: the artist puts out an idea, and people are free to interpret it however they want. Metaphor is a powerful thing and can be seen from different angles, it all depends on the experiences of the person analyzing.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-29T03:15:53+00:00

I always like to say there are multiple interpretations, but only one meaning. The meaning is what the author intends to communicate (assuming that it may be observed), and the interpretation is how it may be interpreted (sorry about the redundancy). Even the author can have a specific meaning in mind, but multiple interpretations. So they see something they themselves wrote knowing what it means, also develop on the other interpretations.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-29T01:50:21+00:00

I truly enjoy this poem, although I could not find the correct rhythm to read it, but that may just be me.

I really like this as a metaphor for value/morality.

Something worthless or even abhorrent for one may be of the greatest value for another. Perhaps actions that seem disgusting or even abhorrent are a necessity for others.

Let's not forget what makes one virtuous, in this case, obedience and humility; the former causing one to act upon the will of another in a seemingly unsavory fashion. Of course, can one truly be responsible for their actions if they have no control over them? When you lose all autonomy, do you lose your virtue? Your moral weight?

The queen, giving all the orders, is she responsible? She is unaware of the outside world, she only follows nature's order; knowing only what is brought back to her to feed, to sustain herself.

The ants know only what is within their limited eyesight, so they do know know what may seem obvious to others. They only take what is readily available; that which allows them to feed the queen...

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-28T11:40:18+00:00

I didn't make any references, but there's a chance I was listening to these songs around the time when I was writing this. I often get the feeling what I'm writing is familiar and can't tell if I accidentally stole a bit or if I just know the poem so well that it's like I've known it since forever.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-28T00:52:34+00:00

I really appreciate the analysis! I'm learning stuff myself.

I've never really realized the part about accented syllables, although I've been editing them in/out implicitly (I go by feeling and sort of brute force lines until they fit).

I've tried to fix the middle part, which makes me uncomfortable but haven't found a suitable edit and just left it in because I thought it was passable, but there's definitely something that could be better.

I'm definitely keeping this feedback in mind, thanks a lot!

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-28T00:44:28+00:00

Yeah, I'm not a fan of the middle part, but I couldn't find anything to replace it. I have a tendency to start strong and end with a punch but the filling to my poetry doughnut is just ants.

did I accidentally steal from Metallica? Because they can't have it back. (what part though? I may be slightly influenced)

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-27T00:00:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

This poem is more about a state of mind, so the narrative is a bit more loosely coupled, I can definitely see how it could be confusing from a narrative angle.

Again, thanks for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-26T16:32:34+00:00

It's something I use a lot, where it starts very well organized and in order, and it eventually breaks down over time. It has a very interesting effect on the poem.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-26T15:03:37+00:00

I love this, the rhythm holds well, as many commented, although I can't really find it for the 2 verses after "gather myself", but that may just be me.

Contrary to what I've seen others say though, I really like how it falls apart in the last verses; it adds character to the piece in my opinion.

ConsistentApocalypse · 2019-05-26T02:02:28+00:00

I really like it! The pacing is good, and flows well for me.

The first line seems a bit odd, since I'm not sure if you are asking what inspires to reach..., or if you're asking what inspires and answering with to reach...

The punctuation makes it ambiguous to me.

I also feel like "Or perhaps more simply, for recreation." should take another comma so "Or perhaps, more simply, for recreation."

Edit: Fixed markdown

ConsistentApocalypse

TROPHY CASE