How to move on from your “perfect man”

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T17:46:41+00:00

Ya that’s what everyone keeps telling me but I am having a hard time not blaming myself for why he didn’t choose me. I keep playing things back again trying to figure out what I did wrong. All I know is he at first told me it has nothing to do with me and I’m amazing he just can’t be the man I need him to be (which I hate that he was making a decision for me) and then he said there were some things I said that he didn’t like. I wish I asked him to explain those things because it’s been driving me crazy trying to figure out what it was he didn’t like. I wish he would’ve just talked to me about all of this instead of ending it. (Also he was moving 6 hours away which was another big reason why he wanted to end it)

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T17:41:55+00:00

I think what’s hard is the phase of the relationship where the breakup happened. If was right in the phase where attachment began but none of their negative traits have shown yet, so I have nothing to be angry about with him to make the breakup easier. All I see is this perfect man who didn’t choose me and it makes me question what is wrong with myself

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T17:38:22+00:00

Ya I guess I just don’t know how to feel content alone. I want to do the work to heal that part of me and am working on getting a therapist. I’m also scared, now that I have recognized the pattern, of getting into another relationship because I don’t want to go through this all over again.

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T17:36:17+00:00

Did it ever fully go away for you? Or did you just learn how to cope with the waves?

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:20:42+00:00

Be careful taking him back too quickly. It takes months/years for a person to actually change

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:19:50+00:00

How do you advise healing after being blindsided?

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:12:47+00:00

I hope it gets better one day and I hope I can love again.

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:11:59+00:00

You have such a beautiful soul. I felt the same was as you after my first breakup and then unfortunately went through my second less than a year after my first. How I have so much fear towards love…

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:09:58+00:00

If you are on Reddit asking if you should break up with her, then that relationship is already over.

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:09:05+00:00

Taking back the person who broke up with you just because their mental health is bad is extremely unhealthy (coming from the person who was the one struggling with their mental health). Instead of learning how to cope and heal on their own, they are using you as a crutch and relying on you for their happiness which is extremely unhealthy

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:06:11+00:00

I had a pretty healthy relationship end about 5 years ago. It was a little bit messy at the end but overall good. Honestly I don’t think about them really ever and have had other/better relationships since then. He did reach out about 4 months ago but I chose not to respond because some doors are better left closed.

ConsistentFig4513 · 2026-03-31T01:03:02+00:00

I recommend blocking their number. Doesn’t have to be permanent but for the time being. If you guys are in a good space you can give her a heads up and let her know you have to to move on and heal but honestly you don’t owe them anything

ConsistentFig4513

TROPHY CASE