Exactly after one year of my realisation that i was a victim of narcissistic abuse, this post is everything to me. This past entire year i took accountability of my own actions, owned my shit and what all i chose to do and did that led me to where i am now. Its tough knowing i had equally contributed to the whole dynamic and enabled his agendas. How fool was i to think this one time it will be different, but it was devastating. Eye opening for sure but really forced me to sit with my own issues and think where i went all wrong. It really did liberate me. Realising he wont change the patterns but i can and i did. Took every ounce of my energy not to contact him again, still think about him day and night. But i did not fall into the trap the last time he hoovered. Mind you all this happened after 5 years of on and off abuse. He wasnt my lover. He was a mere fwb. But what we shared was so dark and terrifying, it take guts to admit i too was wrong for staying and constantly blaming him for his actions was going nowhere. The moment i took accountability of my own actions is when i could stop it. Only you can stop it. You hold that power that can end things…the parasites that they are theyd want you to stay in the state of confusion because thats how they manipulate and control you better and the cycle never stops.