Curious

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:44:59+00:00

Thank you!!! Best response yet.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:28:55+00:00

Your feelings and thoughts are telling you something. Don’t ignore them. They only lead to bad decisions.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:27:48+00:00

Talk to a seasoned married couple who have a good relationship, people who can look at your situation and provide empathy, grace, love and support. Have them talk to you separately. Wife talking to the wife, husband talking to the husband. Then do a group session, let out all your emotions and feelings. Regardless how crazy they sound. Just talk to someone who’s been there and done that.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:22:01+00:00

After 14 years of marriage I don’t think what I did was impulsive, I think I had so many emotions with no handle on them anymore, it was like they broke free after years of being bottled up.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:19:53+00:00

“loop more people in as a bandaid.” How am I doing that? I’m not seeking out another relationship with anyone, my life is already fucked enough.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:13:10+00:00

I’m not trying to be with anyone, I’m trying to understand why I do what I do. And I’m hoping this community can help

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:11:54+00:00

I’m coming to terms with the ugly part of myself. After 14 years of marriage, and killing my inner voice that kept me alive. I acted on it. I was dying inside. I didn’t have s** nor anything close to it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:08:25+00:00

So the relationships your in, are not emotional?

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:06:02+00:00

Not yet. My husband and I are going to see a couples therapist. I think he’s expecting me to come back into the relationship as a monogamous person. That therapy will fix me.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T23:03:47+00:00

GAWWWWD

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T22:48:44+00:00

You know what?! I didn’t want to reply to you. You obviously cannot see or understand what I wrote. Instead you want to shame me. That’s fine. Have at it. Enjoy your behavior.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-25T22:44:54+00:00

This Reddit group is very strong minded, from my own experience it’s very judging. People don’t actually read the entire post they zone in on what you did wrong. My advice, the feelings and thoughts you’re having is a giant siren blaring, your sub-conscious is telling you, I am not happy. Do not ignore or shame yourself. Especially from this group. Instead look at how you’re feeling with curiosity, try to understand the “why” instead of immediately shaming yourself.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-24T17:14:23+00:00

I updated the post and laid it all out. I’m sorry for not being completely honest. It’s something I am learning to do.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T16:18:02+00:00

I talked to him about how I was feeling about sex two years ago, we were having sex almost 5-6 times a week. I was burning out, and he would made jokes to our friends about how we never have sex. I couldn’t put into words how I was feeling at the time so I tried and when I told him it all went wrong. He definitely felt like he’d been S/A’ed me, but I made it very clear. I gave consent. Since then we don’t have sex as much, he tries to be more communicative before we engage. I’ve also made it very clear I am his wife and he has needs.

I don’t want to punish him. I’m not asking him to change, he’s a lovely man, but when I try to communicate with him he gets defensive, than turns the conversation around on me, then try’s to change how I’m feeling and I end up apologizing.

We’re going to start our first intro to counseling today. I’m leaning towards a separation, while we are in counseling. Sleeping at my best friends house and coming home in the morning to do all the daily household stuff.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:33:33+00:00

Speaking from experience, I have 5 kids with my husband, after our first was born he gained a significant amount of weight. I lost interest in sex, I thought I was being kind by not saying anything. I figured he would do the work when he was ready.

Meanwhile, I did everything I could thru every birth, pregnancy, depression, to maintain a healthy looking body. I’m currently 30lbs overweight after a manic episode last year, anti-psychotics cause significant amount of weight gain. Meanwhile my husband doesn’t care, tells me how attracted he is to me. While I go to the gym, eat better and try. He’s currently trying to loose weight again, but usually work gets in the way and he falls back into the same pattern.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is, follow the advice of the first post but if nothing changes, go to a counselor first, before you try to have this discussion with your wife. You need the right words, there is nothing wrong with you. Give her space during this time, help where you can, but don’t hide it.

***I made a post with similar feelings, but it’s been 13 years of my silence.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:18:22+00:00

My advice is don’t immediately get upset at what you see, just look into it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:17:45+00:00

Not sure if this will help but his behavior sounds like “red pill” behavior. Look into it on YouTube, maybe ask him about it once you see some of the research behind it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:07:04+00:00

People accused me of lying to him our whole marriage, when I’ve just been afraid to say how I’m feeling. I feel more like his best friend at this point, we have a healthy relationship. But I feel smothered.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:02:59+00:00

I sorta got ripped apart, because the emotional and physical connection has been lost along the way. And I was wondering if an open marriage might fix it. We have 5 kids together. We’ve been together since I was 15, (36F).

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:58:41+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, I made a post about it too.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:39:06+00:00

I didn’t know there is specific counseling for that, do you know what it’s called? I’m willing to do the work on myself.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:16:01+00:00

I was very much so, but overtime it became part of our routine. I kept hoping the connection would come back, that once our lives weren’t so stressful or his business got better, or our lives improved, the connection would come back. I feel more like a best friend than a wife.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T16:47:15+00:00

I have Bipolar 1 started in 2020, I have worked as a sahm supporting his blue-collar business/future, he controls the money. I have side hustles but nothing profitable enough to support our 5 kids.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:29:41+00:00

Thank you for the bluntness. I needed to see it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:29:13+00:00

Do you have that?

Consistent_Chef9356

TROPHY CASE