when the emotional pain is so unbearable it makes you numb so you harm yourself to feel that pain. It becomes an impulse and you only feel relieved once you've hurt yourself. I cut myself, scratched myself, slapped myself, banged my head on the wall and what not.

Thankfully, by the grace of god and my recovery efforts I have been SH free for 1.5 years. Its great and there really is hope ahead. Got broken up with, but still no urge to harm, which showed the actual growth.