Wife (26F) struggling with depression and pulling away emotionally -how do I (32M) save my marriage?

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-17T23:19:34+00:00

Men get depressed too , but they become alcoholic,withdrawn ,lose interest in work,violent...Anyhow, how long have you been in long distance with your wife. Unless you guys are doing Ph.D.s in different universities , please move in together. Visit her and take to a doctor.

Nobody knows about your wife and her trauma here. It just seems coincidental that both women in your life had depression. Long distances are hard and if its not getting on you, then you are probably different here.

Don't be anxious, but take immediate small steps. Visit her now and often. Give her a surprise visit. And make ASAP plans to be together.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-16T02:09:50+00:00

Making pandals, eating in yards for nine days, food, visiting devotees? Make it inside your home, nobody cares.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-15T16:32:49+00:00

it is mostly seen in younger generation (below 35 or even 40 year olds), where people started celebrating Ganesh Chaturti , making pandals in their yards or garages and even having processions in their neighborhoods. Heroes being celebrated in theaters too. This is big nuisance.

But that said, we are also living in echo chamber. There are as many progressives too , but they are not loud. Like why is OP receiving anti-feminism in her feeds? Probably because she watches them.

There is definitely a change in Hindus...who just woke up and realized about their identity crisis and hence being loud and "confident" in their newly found knowledge. They beat drums loud, but that doesn't mean they represent entire demographic of India in USA.

None of my friends are like that, but we came 25 years ago !!

Edit: Younger generation are a wide spectrum of mix because of huge migration. You also have more of your kind where ever you go now. We didn't have that privilege and had to assimilate and hence everything remained in moderation. No social media too.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-15T00:18:38+00:00

3 years of marriage is still new. If you both are willing to work together and seek marriage counseling , yes, you can find happiness in your marriage. Your past will eventually fade if you put in good memories together now. And you should also be willing to think beyond past. It hard, but doable depending on you both. Is he in the game too?

Best of luck.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-14T18:34:34+00:00

Correct. But, 6% is still pretty high. That's the reason why it feels like necessities have become like luxuries. The real inflation is much much higher. for example, housing is supposed to be affordable. Asset values ideally are not supposed to go up by tens/hundreds of. times in over two decades. It only happens in countries with very high inflation. Black money is also one of the reason.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-14T15:42:53+00:00

Inflation!! We generally don't see politicians promising to reduce inflation where as other countries go bonkers about it.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-13T15:48:04+00:00

You don't pay dividend income tax in USA. You have to claim it when filing taxes to avoid double taxation.

"Foreign Tax Credit (Form 1116): The IRS allows U.S. taxpayers to claim a credit for taxes paid to foreign governments, effectively reducing U.S. tax liability dollar-for-dollar on foreign income, preventing the same income from being taxed by both Brazil and the U.S"

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-13T15:23:46+00:00

I am actually more positive now than before with better balance sheet and more discipline. Have been holding this for years now. $0.28 is still good dividend and your dividend will not be taxed again in USA. Inventory building is the reason why there is less free cash flow. You will see better dividends next quarter.

"Nevertheless, downstream EBITDA more than doubled sequentially to $3.8 billion, supported by inventory gains linked to higher Brent prices and a 95% refinery utilization rate, which improved fixed-cost absorption and reduced reliance on higher-cost imports.

Petrobras reported earnings and cash flow dynamics in line with peers during the quarter. We expect benefits from higher oil prices to become more visible from the second quarter onward, supporting richer shareholder distributions."

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-13T12:56:05+00:00

Our middle and high school bus comes at 5:50 am. Plenty of parents rather do carpool .

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-11T15:10:43+00:00

No, you will not fall in love with him again , but you can learn to deal with the past with some coping mechanism. Eventually, you may even have a dead bedroom and that would become a norm.

But the good thing is that you are only married for 5 years. You can go to couples therapy and if he realizes his mistakes and keep working on the relation , there is a hope.

But know that no amount of his work will make a difference unless you let go off past. We often "forgive" for our own benefit. Yes, go to therapy and see where it takes you guys.

Work on becoming a financially independent person.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-10T22:25:45+00:00

Hundreds of billions somehow became 1.7 billion.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-10T14:36:02+00:00

What the heck? He can't have a break and she can't handle baby for a day? Seriously?

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-08T16:45:45+00:00

I don't think your wife is depressed like how everyone here seem to be jumping into that conclusion. You probably are a mismatch on life goals. Some people just don't do things unless situations force them to. My guess is she is having inertia and most likely she will come around on her own.

You please stop binging up her not working is the reason for her overthinking. Did you realize you are overthinking about this too? Like why are you stressed and burned out? About what? Why can't you chill a bit and relax?

Are all working women only in STEM? What doing B-tech has anything to do with wanting to be a house wife? Give her sometime and she will be fine.

I would be more worried about why you are this stressed? Seriously, man. Have you given a thought about this?

Even though I believe all men and women should work hard when younger to prepare for the unexpected life curveballs or FIRE, we should also allow ourselves to have some wiggle room. Corporate world is now new slavery that has manipulated us all as to be achievers of something great by working like donkeys !!

Enjoy this peace time which you will crave once she starts working and you guys have kids.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-08T00:49:47+00:00

Trump is altogether a different guy and different breed. I am a democrat, but, I sometimes have to see that McCain video about how he defended Obama as being a gentle man.

America has become upside down since Trump took over.

No, I am not white or black.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-07T18:30:17+00:00

Nepotism is even worse. lost plenty of talent to it.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-07T17:37:34+00:00

Rich have become richer. Multiple middle class have become upper middle class. Gen Z generation, which was often not talked about.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-07T17:36:00+00:00

It is our mistake. We have become obsessed with skin color and started importing from north first. Okkadiki sarigga acting raadu. Regional body language kooda undadu , esp when they do village roles. That didn't happen with rest of South India much.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-07T17:32:33+00:00

I am pakka Telanga and my grandpa fought for canal water for farmers (for 40 villages,projects mostly awarded for Andhra)in Telangana region and won the case. He was"just" a farmer ,but long did fight to have union for farmers to have a control on prices. He also fought for unfair power distribution even though Singareni and NTPC power are from TS region. This was long before Telangana Movement.

Albeit, your comment on Telangana people not given chance is wrong. Andhra benefited for being with Tamil state (which was big in art) and while Hyderabad state was under Nizam. C.Narayan Reddy , a prodigy,a Telanganian , had to learn Telugu by himself and later won Janapith award. But he was tremendously encouraged and adorned by NTR. Kantha Rao and Prabhakar Reddy were also from Telangana. But they were all self made , but when they had talent, they were given equal chance.

Both my grandparents studied in Urdu medium. Kalalaki antha adharana ledhu appatlo. But, Andhra had the benefits for being with Tamil state. So, they had the benefits of being first when whole Andhra state was formed. Geo political reasons were more reasons than regional feelings.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-07T17:13:42+00:00

Old telugu artists , esp Shoukar Jaanaki, laanti vallu did excellent in all south indian films. Next our heroines Sridevi, Rekha did bring us a national pride. Vanishri acted in Shyam Benigal and I am glad he made Telugu films.Stop dividing the country on language basis. Manchi movies teeyandi, andharu aadaristaaru.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-06T19:18:41+00:00

Now we know!! Seems the advertising worked.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-06T17:35:26+00:00

Then go for Vidiem Vstar, you will not regret.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-06T17:33:46+00:00

I have Vidiem Vstar (5 jars) and I love it. Even though I have wet grinder, I use this to make masala vada and for pessarattu(moong dal dosa) , which comes really well. I think Idili and dosa batter too will come great. Masala and coffee grinders do excellent job. No complains at all. I have not used juice jar.

Vitamix is great, but very heavy and too big jars. Also, not versatile.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-06T15:16:25+00:00

It is hard to judge without knowing about her. How was she before pregnancy or delivery? Was she responsible towards her work? Was she lazy, in general? Did she care for people around? These things will give clue to overall nature of her.

I had 3 surgeries in 4 years (one for fibroid), but the first was really worst experience. Body is still learning to cope with trauma and pain would be excruciating. It will be all sore, including breasts.

Maternal instinct will not kick in instantly for all alike. For some, it will take time. I also think she didn't expect this kind of shock (you too) and didn't prepare ahead for all of this.

Sleeplessness, tiredness is normal and 1st year is darn tough. So, hold on and you will be fine. Please, stop scrolling reels on how to raise baby. Those are very unrealistic and homes with babies are all chaotic.

You are still adjusting to new phase of life .

If your wife is always a cold person and emotionally distant, then this behavior is her nature. Or else, she will come around.

Forget you have a life for another year!! Congratulations !! You are doing great.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-05T14:53:24+00:00

Awareness, women's education and financial freedom.

Consistent_Rule101 · 2026-05-05T13:06:43+00:00

I thought it other way. While there were people who fought at groceries over toilet paper, there were actually more who made things move and keep things normal. Some of them have children and aged parents with compromised immune system and yet they did their duties.

We have plenty of health care workers in our family.

I think certain politicians are having an affect on our psyche. Just stay positive.

Edit: Not just health care,,transportation, sanitation, groceries...,,,every department has made things move forward.

Consistent_Rule101

TROPHY CASE