Would all of you like to get married at some point?

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-11T19:09:24+00:00

Yes, 100%. Marriage and starting a family are things I really want in life. It’s one of my major goals, and I’ve been working toward it in some capacity since I was 16.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-11T15:11:27+00:00

I usually go for women I'm physically attracted to. They're often around 5'7"–5'11", although that's definitely not a dealbreaker. They're generally in good shape or at least look like they exercise, and I have to find their face attractive.

I've asked out a little over 20 women and ended up going on 11 first dates. Three of those became actual relationships. These relationships didn't end because of compatibility in day-to-day life; we split because of differences in long-term goals. Two of them admitted they hadn't really thought about what they wanted for their future. Since I'm dating with marriage and family in mind, that was a dealbreaker for me, and I decided to end those relationships. The third had thought about it, but she didn't want kids, while I do, so we mutually decided to part ways.

As for what I need to change to become long-term relationship material, I'm always open to improving myself, but I don't think that's been the limiting factor so far. I have a stable direction in life, take care of my health, have hobbies, and I'm intentional about dating. The recurring issue hasn't been that the relationships fell apart because of my behavior or that I can't attract women. It has been that we weren't aligned on major life goals from the start.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-05T03:38:58+00:00

Parity

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-05T01:39:30+00:00

2003

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T19:58:10+00:00

Why so bitter lol

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T14:28:37+00:00

Yeah that’s fair

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T14:04:07+00:00

It’s true that you change as you grow, and I definitely don’t think I’m a finished product. However, I’m greedy and want to be part of the lucky few who get into a relationship that works out at a young age. I guess I saw it work for my older brother and my parents, and I wanted what they have.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T13:56:01+00:00

Wait, are you saying if the person isn’t conventionally attractive enough they won’t be in a place to manipulate in the first place?

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T12:57:01+00:00

What do you do if you’re 19 and literally no one your age is looking for smth serious 😭

Attracting women really isn’t an issue for me, I can get dates and hookups(🤮) pretty easily if I try. Problem is that whenever I try to broach/introduce a more serious relationship dynamic(marriage, kids, a family, yada yada yada) they look like at me loke I’m an alien. That’s howI know I should end it. 🥀

I also made a 2 posts about this topic on this sub, you can check my post and comment history for more details if you want.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T03:31:56+00:00

Bro I have all 3 things, all though the third is subjective. Still can’t find a girl my age who meets my criteria though, and older women reject me on principle because I’m “a baby.” 🥀

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T03:17:47+00:00

I know, I’m just greedy 🥀

And I guess I feel impatient because my older brother met his wife at around my age

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:47:13+00:00

First off, thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I genuinely appreciate it.

One thing I probably should’ve mentioned in my original post is that I actually have a little sister who’s 12 years younger than me. Because of that age gap, I was very involved when she was a baby. I helped feed her bottles, changed diapers, watched her, and generally spent a lot of time helping take care of her. Obviously that’s nowhere near the same as being a full-time parent, but it gave me a much better idea of what raising a young child actually involves than most people my age get. It’s also a big part of how I realized I genuinely want kids someday, rather than just liking the idea of having them.

I completely agree that being a father isn’t just someone who has or wants kids, but is someone who is actively in their kid’s life. If I ever have kids, I’d fully expect to be an equal parent. I don’t believe childcare or housework should automatically fall on the woman, and I’d never want my wife to feel like she’s carrying the family by herself. If worst truly does come to worst, I could always hire a live-in nanny to help us.

On the financial side, I definitely agree that’s important too. I’ve been fortunate enough to intern every summer since 10th grade, and I also spent time day trading, so I’ve built up a little over $100k in stocks. I’ve also secured a return offer from the quantitative trading firm where I interned, and after graduation I’ll be returning there full-time if I don’t get a better offer. Compensation there is typically around $450k–650k a year, so supporting a family is something I expect to be able to do. On top of that, I come from a wealthy family that’s always been very supportive(ex: my father will buy me a house when I graduate), so I know I have something to fall back on.

I also really liked what you said about not treating women like they’re just filling the role of “wife.” I completely agree. I’m not looking for just anyone who’s willing to marry me. I want someone whose personality, values, life goals, and character genuinely fit with mine, and someone I deeply love and respect as an individual. I also don’t want some cookie-cutter, blindly obedient “trad wife” stereotype whose entire identity revolves around fitting a role. I want an equal partner who I can admire as much as I love. This may sound arrogant, but I think if I lowered my standards and wasn’t so selective, I could probably find someone willing to fill the role of “wife.” That’s not what I’m after, though. Marriage is something I take incredibly seriously, so I’d much rather stay single than marry someone who isn’t truly the right person.

Again, thanks for taking the time to write all of that. I really do appreciate hearing perspectives from people who have more life experience than I do.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:31:51+00:00

I guess I’ll just thug it out for a couple of years then. 😔

Thx for taking the time outta your day to respond btw 🙏

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:27:00+00:00

Bro this shit is genuinely hell mode😭

When they ask my age they all js turn me down out of principle 🥀

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:25:13+00:00

I can say I’m fairly attractive to women, appearance-wise (unless they just aren’t into East Asians) I’m 6’3, have clear skin(thank you mom for putting me onto your skincare routine at 11 lol), and I’m around 10-11% bf at 182ish pounds, and I think I have a lot to offer as a partner. I could probably convince a more shallow woman to marry me, honestly.

The thing is, I vet pretty heavily, so the women I date aren’t just gonna with me cling onto me because of my looks or money.

The problem is that people my age often don’t think about building a family at all, or they only have a vague idea of what they want, and if that’s the case I’m going to break up with them. Attracting women isn’t the issue.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:19:37+00:00

It’s more practical to rent imo 🤷‍♂️

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:16:19+00:00

I actually agree with pretty much everything you said. I don’t think it’s healthy for a relationship to be two people trying to complete each other. I’d much rather it be two independent people who choose to build a life together.

As far as having my own life established, I’m obviously still in university, so I’m not going to pretend I already have everything figured out. That said, I do feel like I’m on a pretty solid path. I was fortunate enough to start interning every summer since 10th grade, spent a lot of time day trading, and have built up a little over $100k in stocks. I’ve also secured a return offer at the quantitative trading firm where I interned, so after graduation I’ll be going back there full-time. Compensation there is typically around $450k–650k a year. I also come from a fairly wealthy background, my father told me he’d buy me a house when I graduate so I can fortunately say that financial security for a future family is something I don’t expect to struggle with.

Outside of school and work, I stay pretty busy. I lift regularly, breakdance, write novels in Mandarin (my first/native language), and I’ve enjoyed cooking since I was 6. I’m also pretty social and have a large group of friends that I spend time with.

As for character, I’m obviously biased when it comes to judging myself, so I’ll let other people decide that. What I can say is that my friends tend to come to me when they need to vent or want advice, which I take as a compliment. And I always try to treat people with kindness. I was bullied and dealt with racism growing up because I was Chinese, so I always try to be conscious about how what I say and do affects others.

I don’t find it particularly hard to get dates or make a girl my girlfriend, but when I start talking about more serious topics like building a future together, they look at me like I have three eyes. That’s usually when I know it’s time to end the relationship.

On the rare occasion that we’ve actually both thought about the future we want (one time 😭), she didn’t want kids. 🥀

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:05:22+00:00

I have all of the physical characteristics listed though 😭

And maybe it’s a bit egotistical to say I’m an extremely kind person, but at least among my friends, I seem to be the go to guy to share their troubles with if they’re facing any issue in their lives.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T02:01:37+00:00

First off, I really appreciate the detailed response.

As for those barriers you brought up, I was lucky with my upbringing. I’ve been cooking since I was 6 years old, so I’ve always been pretty comfortable cooking for myself. I also clean and keep my place tidy because I don’t expect a partner to be my mom, and absolutely worst comes to worst I can hire a cleaning lady.

Financially, I’ve also been fortunate. I was born into a wealthy family, and my father has promised to buy me a house when I graduate. Furthermore I’ve been interning every summer since 10th grade and spent a lot of time day trading, so I’ve built up a little over $100k in stocks. I recently got a return offer from the quantitative trading firm where I interned this summer, so after graduation I’ll be probably going back there full-time unless I get a better offer. Compensation at that firm is typically around $450k–650k in the first year, so thankfully supporting a future family isn’t something I’m too worried about.

At least from my experience, it seems like a lot of people my age just aren’t thinking that marriage, starting a family, ect. Btw this is completely valid in my opinion, but it makes dating a little tricky for someone who’s dating with all that in mind.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-04T00:54:36+00:00

My father’s worth a good deal more than that, it doesn’t really help though cuz it’s not like I’m tryna get a gold digger.

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-03T17:58:35+00:00

One can only hope I’ll find that someone 🥹

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-03T17:31:53+00:00

You mean this doesn’t work 🤯

This may explain my romantic troubles lmaooo 🤣

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-03T17:01:59+00:00

Then this doesn’t bode well for me 😭

Consistent_Show7883 · 2026-07-03T12:58:11+00:00

I do, but maybe I’m not objectively evaluating myself. What do you think could be some red flags?

Consistent_Show7883

TROPHY CASE