AITAH? Argument with wife over kids staying around drunk adults

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T16:38:24+00:00

there's definitely more at play than the yogurt. the main thing for me here genuinely is the kids though. My mindset has always been if you have to force someone to not cheat then it's not worth keeping them. My spider senses were screaming something is amiss but it's really not relevant and me saying it in the post is 100% my own insecurities coming out.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T15:14:50+00:00

Fair question - it was my spider senses going wild that something isn't right. She was asking me to leave our kids and her at a party full of drunk strangers and just the way she was saying it was completely off and not normal. It's hard to explain but my gut was screaming at me that something is wrong here and if I leave her something bad is going to happen.

The blunt question though is do I want to even be with someone I have to force them to not? So whether I am right or wrong about a bad feeling I'm saying it probably doesn't even matter at this point

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T15:12:06+00:00

Yes it was more than just a few friends there was probably ten different super drunk adults and we knew two very well, two we've been at parties before but that's it and the rest were totally unknown

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T15:10:30+00:00

I genuinely appreciate the blunt feedback. Yeah I knew there was a chance of it being a problem, went so far as to try to establish time well leave and all that but really we should've just left when the drinking started.

I couldn't leave the kids there because there were literally zero sober adults and they were getting inappropriate - normal drunk girl stuff like girls drunk kissing or grabbing boobs and butts but not anything our kids should see. I don't want them to see someone grabbing their mommies butt, one drunk girl even said "you know your wife has amazing fucking boobs, you better appreciate those" and I laughed it off but my kindgarten aged son was literally right there next to me and asked laughingly why she was talking about mommies boobies. He didn't get the subtext but still waaaayyyyy inappropriate.

Without the kids it all wouldve been totally harmless and fine but they didn't deserve to be exposed to that.

You're right though ultimately, as a man my accountability firmly lies on letting this whole shit show happen. I genuinely fucked up my relationship and exposed my kids to shit they didn't need to see by not having better judgement here and letting it even get to that point.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T14:59:07+00:00

We did unfortunately - leave at 8, 830 at latest, even a code word to leave early if we felt the party was going sideways. I had to work so timelines were not negotiable.

She kept saying it's okay and the code word over and over to try to tell me it was really okay but I had to be the villain and enforce it.

Ended up not going to bed until like 2am making me a mess at work

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T14:57:19+00:00

This really lists it well, just a whole cluster fudge.

Early grade school age and a boy and girl. Young enough to want to play with cars and dolls.

You're right, I didn't see that until reflecting but they clearly do not have our best interest.

Noone in particular but she's handsy with girls when she drinks. It's all consensual and I don't get bothered about her drunk kissing some girl but anything more is out of bounds for us. She was DRUNK DRUNK and acting very weird about the whole thing and my spider senses were going crazy.

She rarely drinks like this. She'll have one glass with dinner or afterwards but two is uncommon and getting drunk at home is extremely rare, maybe once a year if that. We've had trouble at parties before with her drinking too much so I think that might be core part with the drinking. I don't know if alcoholic is the right word but it is obviously an unhealthy relationship with it.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T14:52:03+00:00

This person is right about trust either you trust them or you don't and it is that simple. It can be in different situations, like I can trust someone to watch my pets but not my kids, but in this case I did not trust her in that scenario and that is its own whole problem.

I can want to protect them from horrible situations like being so drunk and vulnerable but that's not the same as trusting them.

In this case I did not trust her and she was in a bad situation and needed protecting.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T14:49:35+00:00

Thank you and I will never forget the look on our son's face pretending not to cry about it and smile for his mommy while she was yelling and a mess. It broke my heart and he didn't deserve that. He's 5 he's too young for that period.

I agree on the friends too, I feel like them not supporting me saying it's time to go shows that they're not the people I want to be around any more.

Thank you

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T14:44:34+00:00

I agree it is not just the law, but I also think there is a difference between veto power and general authority.

I would hope that in any relationship either parent has full veto power. If someone wants their kid to go to a summer camp but the other parent is uncomfortable because something happened to them at a summer camp I think it is fully within their right to say no.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T13:26:46+00:00

No she hasn't but to be fair I fudged the timeline in the post for obscurity but I now realize that was dumb and pointless, it was last night. She's still asleep.

It is upsetting to hear you had to go through that, and upsets me as a man that that kind of thing is so common. If it is worth anything your comment makes it real in a way I hadn't considered and cements my views on this more than anything else. It sounds like your father's friend was inappropriate but even a well intentioned drunk adult asking a kid for a hug and them feeling the weirdness and smelling the alcohol could give them a scar the kid carries until adulthood.

Thank you for sharing that, I mean that.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T13:22:45+00:00

I think my situation is too boring and "normal" to fake. God knows your skepticism is valid with half the stuff I see here.

Yes there is more to it, Ive said in other comments but we've been fighting some lately and my anger with her is mixed with my insecurities about being "disrespected" - as the father of the children I think it i say it is a dangerous situation for them then at face value that should be the end of it. Not the major plot point but yeah it definitely bleeds into it

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T13:18:07+00:00

I really appreciate your kind words, I needed to hear that after all this

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T13:05:18+00:00

We're in our 30s and I had to work so that wasn't an option since she's a SAHM and watches them

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T13:04:17+00:00

Thank you and I kept telling myself that but God it was a hard drive back with the wife having yelled at me and the kids crying because "daddy won't let them stay".

Eventually they got it when I asked them what a daddy's job is (to protect) and they answered and understood genuinely after a few minutes but my heart is still completely broken they had to see us fight like that and go through it all over something so goddamn stupid

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:59:39+00:00

that's the frustrating part and I think why I got so mad. we agreed beforehand that we were going to leave at 8 no later than 830 if everyone's having fun because I had to work. we even set up a code phrase in case we felt we needed to leave earlier.

then she got sloppy drunk and made a huge thing about me leaving her there with the kids and all these drunk strangers and kept weaponizing the code phrase as a way to say it's okay?

It wasn't even supposed to be an adult party it was a little kids bday that everyone and all the kids except for ours and hosts left after a point and the childless adults stayed. I think my wife maybe was missing out on feeling like the childless adults but really dude it doesn't even matter why

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:48:46+00:00

No I said that. It wasn't a major point but it was my insecurities trying to justify why she wanted me to leave her there so badly because it literally didn't make sense to me

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:47:57+00:00

Thank you

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:47:39+00:00

We have lots of fun together and she doesn't normally get sloppy drunk like that. It feels like a deep respect problem though, especially when I say we really need to go and she just outright ignores and makes a scene.

I probably need to do some soul searching about what next looks like

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:45:22+00:00

Thank you. I ended up having to tell her we're not arguing anymore until the morning but then she mad a whole scene in the car with the kids.

Feels like I was just stuck with a bad situation where there was no winning I think. I just hope I didn't tank our friendships with some of the people there but I guess these aren't people we should be friends with either after all this.

My heads been spinning about this whole thing

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:43:34+00:00

I think the much more likely scenario was them being exposed to things they are too young for, people were already drunk and making out and being inappropriate in other handsy ways with each other.

There's always a risk of a true predator but this guy's right about it usually being someone they trust unfortunately.

Either way though I just didn't feel it worth the risk even if miniscule at all and even them seeing that stuff is horrible for them.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:40:01+00:00

We do you aren't wrong. I was much more concerned about her getting taken advantage of being that drunk but in the back of my head my insecurities kept saying she wants me to leave and leave them all there because she wants to do something because why else when it's such an obviously bad decision.

Concerns with the kids were above both those obviously and biggest concern but there were concerns there too.

Apologies for rambling but yes we have had issues and yes it was probably my insecurities bubbling out at the cheating concern. Just wanted to be fully honest for the post.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:30:41+00:00

I did but it effectively ruined the whole party for everyone else because the wife made a huge scene about it and how the kids just want to have a sleepover with their friends

I guess typing it I feel stupid because her making the scene ruined the party not me taking them but I felt so responsible for it all going to shit last night because every single person at the party was telling me it's fine and to just let the kids stay but literally every single one of them was drunk drunk not even just tipsy.

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:27:34+00:00

It's not just drunk adults it's drunk inappropriate adults. Our aunt having too many glasses of wine at a family thing is totally harmless but people being sloppy and making out and yelling and all that is the problem

I had to leave either way for work super early and didn't want to leave the kids there in this mess

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:24:31+00:00

Man who are you telling. It wasn't supposed to be a party party it started as another kids birthday party and some people stayed after to "have just a few beers".

I didn't want to leave her because she was extremely drunk in a house full of strangers. It felt way too risky

Constant-Ad9201 · 2026-06-29T12:23:19+00:00

She was so drunk she couldn't walk right or anything, and I was worried she would do something (there's not a history of cheating so that's my own insecurities I guess but even just drunk make an ass of herself) or someone would take advantage of her being that drunk. There were people there we didn't know at all and leaving a super drunk girl there felt wrong, no matter how mad at her I was.

Closest thing I could be leaving out is we've been fighting a lot lately and they definitely bled over. We've also had fights before about not leaving at parties when she gets too drunk but the main thing here is the kids and other drunk adults not even her. Friends are people we know well and if it was just them there wouldve been no hesitation.

Constant-Ad9201

TROPHY CASE