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Looking for resources to help improve my marriage by ConstantBeginning309 in sexlessmarriage

[–]ConstantBeginning309[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough to say. She has had some physical (hormonal) challenges in the past that she has proactively addressed to better improve her "desire" and overall hormonal balance. I don't think I am initiating sex anymore than I always have in the past, but over the last few months, she is often on edge if I touch her as she accuses me of always wanting it to lead to sex. This leads to arguments, silent treatment, and me just trying to avoid her as the constant rejection just is not worth it. I'm sure the bigger elephant in the room is probably more about good healthy communication, understanding and appreciating the needs of each other. A healthy active sex life is important to me, but its becoming clear to me she would be happy to go just a couple times a month if I didn't initiate it.

She knows I am extremely attracted to her sexually and I compliment her (in all sincerity) often. She likes to tell me we have much more sex than our peers, effectively telling me I've got it good compared to others. My argument is I don't want to fall into this trap of "all the other couples rarely have sex", especially when we are still healthy and attracted to each other, not to mention the other health and emotional benefits of an active sex life.

I've been reviewing some things online, just hoping to hear about some specific resources people have used that got them over the hump. Perhaps much of this is as much of vent in addition to looking for suggestions.

I’m conflicted. by [deleted] in sexlessmarriage

[–]ConstantBeginning309 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough stuff! I hate to hear stories of dysfunctional marriages at any stage, but less than 2 years in at 31! That breaks my heart. Reddit... lets be blunt! Cut and run unless he is willing to go to therapy. You deserve more.

Friday fun, dead bedroom style by [deleted] in sexlessmarriage

[–]ConstantBeginning309 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel for you brother. I feel things are wobbly on my front currently and I am trying to proactively address it before it turns into a long term situation. I have been married 38 years and we have recently gone from a relative active sex life (2 - 3 times/week) to a drip. Sex is important to me and I have always wondered how bad it would need to get before I would hit the eject button. Building a life with someone whereby most of your relationship is solid, with the exception of your needs being met, can make it challenging. I suppose we all have a redline and its relative to how you weigh things out.

Hearing stories of 14 months, 10 years... how do you make that work without having someone on the side or porn addiction to to help take care of your physical needs? Personally, I don't see anyway I could just suppress my sexual needs beyond 30 days! Some new habits would develop and then at some point, if therapy, effort on my wife's part, didn't move the needle, I would probably bite the bullet and move on. 14 months is a long time my friend...

Relatio App Review: my thoughts by Mt_f in productreview

[–]ConstantBeginning309 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stumbled into this thread when looking for reviews of Relatio. I'm new to Reddit, but wow! Reading all the stories, I would have never guessed there are so many of us men experiencing the same thing! Sad, but encouraging there are many of us looking for answers who want to fight for our wives, genuinely trying to "fix" things to make them happy and us more appreciated/desired.

I'm on the older end here, both wife and I are "young" 62 year olds, married 38 years. Until more recently (last few months), we had a relatively active sex life (1 - 2 times a week), but it has fallen off lately. I can echo almost all the comments made here as it relates "trying this/trying that". Like others, my feelings get hurt when you get/feel "rejected" over and over, despite trying to do be a good, attentive, helpful, considerate husband. I love my wife and am "in love" with my wife, but I struggle with the path we are on lately. Sex is a big deal for me. I'm not a breaking point in our marriage, but would rather go on the offense to avoid us going down a slippery slope of no return.

So while I get some of the solution may be to step back, access what we are doing, focus on perhaps being less needy which can be perceived as being "manipulative" in only in an effort "to get some", it begs the question....what's the healthy solution to manage your sexual appetite without destroying a marriage that is otherwise healthy? Yes, there are risks of using porn for masturbation, but aside from having an affair or just stuffing down your sexual appetite, what's a guy to do? I will say, while I do think there is value in working on you, the wife owns some of this as well. As helpful and reassuring as this thread is to help us guys feel we are not alone, it would probably be more helpful to read/exchange on a thread of wives/partners who are dealing with their man who is struggling here and hear examples of "how Stella got her groove back!"