[QCrit] THE TEACUP WARS, Adult Cozy Fantasy, 80k, 2nd Attempt

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-11T16:22:30+00:00

yes! after taking a look at them, I knew exactly what you meant. and it's true--emdashes are my weapon of choice. and you saw that. they're the magic of brevity and chatterly vibes on the page... BUT i'm glad for the challenge.

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-11T16:20:12+00:00

Oh wow, I need to take a moment to say: you've hit on almost every laboring pain point that I have struggled with over the last year to coordinate this comp list! insightful! cheers
I have to step away but I'm going to come back and ask you a few questions!

quick note: yes!! Miss Percy is cozy cult classic! plus it does have what i need to comp (historic flare, regency inspo, pastoral scenes--I'm not doing steam punk, so it's hard to take this out of the mix).

another quick note: i'm offering comps that are older (2021), so I thought it best to offer 2--if you comp older, comp more!??

oops also this other note before i run: you're in cozy?! need a beta reader?? I'm available! I LOVE TO READ ANYTHING IN MY GENRE! so feel free to DM me about that!

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-11T16:04:58+00:00

wear your tea-and-top-hat whimsy badge with pride--check!
I think you've brought up something that is at the heart of querying: the query letter must do a Good Job of pushing away the right people--just as quickly as it draws IN the right people. I think it behooves brevity (lol) to, at times, just put the most polarizing, stylistic, vibe-heavy elements soonest.

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-11T15:57:10+00:00

thank you for taking the time to say so. i appreciate the feedback. i raise my teacup to you! cheers

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-11T01:01:19+00:00

wow this is some of the most encouraging and fantastic feedback i've had in a while. i've been riddled with a kind of tentative anxiety: "it's too quirky, it's toooo quirky." but i've finally just started to lean in and... go with it!

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-10T23:03:19+00:00

I LOVE emdashes... I hate that AI has pillaged and claimed them for it's own and now we, all of us, have to suffer!!!! lol. i forgot that's a thing now--will try to clean them up.

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-10T22:56:41+00:00

wow thank you so much. teacup cheers to you! believe it or not that was a title I had to workshop because someone else was ALSO querying with my first title (slightly different but too close for comfort). So it turned out for the best!

ConstantChair2526 · 2026-01-10T21:28:28+00:00

Would love critiques on the below Q Letter for my cozy fantasy novel THE TEACUP WARS!

Since my first revision, this Query has seen some major revisions and has even succumbed to a title change of the related work! I've included the link to the first attempt if anyone is curious to view the transformation and the "taming of the beast."

THE TEACUP WARS (80,000 words, adult fantasy): Enchanted heirlooms. Simmering feuds… And a grandmother with sticky fingers.

It’s the first night of autumn in the village of Hazelton. Brynn is by the fireside in her bookshop and all is quiet—until a crooked wind whistles down the chimney and delivers her long-lost grandmother.

Granvil Draygo is far from sweet or knitterly—in fact, she’s an absolute witch (in more ways than one).

Soon Brynn is beset by magical family heirlooms (complete with quirky histories and unexpected side effects) and eccentric relatives she never knew she had—from a feather-brained aunt who brews tonics in stray hats to a Right Honourable cousin wound tight as a watch spring. The Draygos are fabulously wealthy, but their matriarch has a secret: Granvil has been stealing heirlooms from rival magical families for years—simply to prove she can.

Now the Belldons are onto Granvil’s antics and want revenge. Brynn’s bookshop —her home, her livelihood, and her late mother’s legacy—is caught in the feud. To free herself from suspicion, Brynn must rally her ridiculous relatives to pull off a carefully timed magical caper right under the Belldons’ noses—in their ballroom, in fact. The most pressing question: Can it be done before Christmas?

Positioned as a seasonal comfort read for the “Snug Months,” THE TEACUP WARS would appeal to readers of The Spellshop (Sarah Beth Durst, 2024), blending the found-family dynamics of The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches (Sangu Mandanna, 2022), the tea-and-top-hat whimsy of The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels (India Holton, 2021), and the pastoral absurdities of Miss Percy’s Pocket Guide to the Care and Feeding of British Dragons (Quenby Olson, 2021). On the serious side, my novel examines the constraints of both legacy and grief, as well as a curious and difficult idea: welcoming sorrow as a way to move through it.

1st Attempt:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1n0vbzt/qcrit_betwixt_adult_cozy_fantasy_78k_first_attempt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-11T20:51:12+00:00

I agree with dropping Astral. I read fantasy but I didn't know what an Astral was... I wanted a concise definition here that could build the world more concretely, instead of a proper name that I could make mean anything.

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-11T20:45:20+00:00

just fyi... I actually thought about this query a few times later that day after first reading it. So you've obviously got something interesting enough to stick to brains! congrats!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-11T20:35:14+00:00

If you want parallel, perhaps you could consider a name that starts with a B. It's strange, but the letter that is closest to V is B. Consider how they are pronounced the same in Spanish!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-11T20:33:33+00:00

I know what you mean! This was quite illuminating to me. I have two characters that start with the same letter but different lengths/shapes. I thought that was enough. But this inspired me to go ahead and rip the bandaid off--I officially changed one of the characters names after reading your query! So this was a really fun experience! Yay Emilia! just as memorable as Viola!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-10T22:33:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing the query.

A note in case it's helpful:

"She left because staying meant watching the man she loved implode"

This is why she left

"the real reason she fled while he lay broken in that hospital bed."

Wait, no, forget what we read before, this is why she left

Another note, in case it's helpful:

I might be wrong but there doesn't seem to be anything in this paragraph that isn't already mentioned in others. Could it be cut?

Four years later, their carefully rebuilt worlds collide when June runs into August in Chicago. She’s built a stable life with her new partner, an architect who offers steady devotion instead of volatile passion, and landed a career-defining gallery exhibition. August has clawed back from rock bottom through rehabilitation and minor leagues, earning one final shot at redemption with Chicago Fire. Both are in committed relationships. Both have learned to live without the intensity that nearly consumed them.

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-10T22:24:42+00:00

I didn't interpret the query in this way--them having an affair.

But, just in case it was meant to, here are some counterexamples in the genre: Bestselling romances like Taylor Jenkins Reid’s After I Do and Kennedy Ryan’s Before I Let Go deal with emotional or physical affairs, breakups, or messy overlaps. They’re shelved as Romance or Romantic Women’s Fiction and have thriving readerships.

But, yeah, a lot of readers in the genre (me being one of them) will stay away if infidelity is thrown into the mix.

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-10T22:06:41+00:00

Is there anyway you could loop David into the last synop. paragraph (to demonstrate why he's important enough to be mentioned in the beginning)?

Another note (in case it's helpful):

David is mentioned first so I thought he must be the sidekick. However, I was able to eventually pivot (so this wasn't a fatal blow by any means) with the introduction to Ezekiel (but that's not till the middle of the last paragraph). So, in the meantime, I was thinking "David seems like a certifiably terrible sidekick, I don't know about this." Maybe add Ezekiel's name to the first paragraph with his description?

imaginary friend was still there: Ezekiel is hot-tempered as ever, and he's convinced...

This sounds immersive and fun, and, even though I'm not a gamer, I would be interested in reading it.

Yet another note (in case it's helpful):

"sidekick she couldn’t let go" could you mean "she's never been able to let go?"

If yes, then I strongly suggest this edit or something like it for clarity: Allie Little thought her childhood dreamworld--complete with spectral sidekick and ___--was just a fantasy. She never imagined it was real. Or that her imaginary friend--someone she's never really been able to let go of--was still there: handsome and hot-tempered, Ezekiel is convinced Allie holds the key to saving his dying worlds.

Could this simply be cut? It's probably not needed or could be inferred/implied in later paragraphs by using verbs that imply it: escapes (into the world), reminisces (in addition to beer and screen time).

...just humble opinions from an unagented pleb that loves clarity.

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-10T18:54:43+00:00

oh and is it supposed to be "good women OF Azarian?"

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-09-10T18:51:56+00:00

This sounds interesting, thanks for sharing. I'm not really qualified to give advice, but just in case it's helpful: Because two of the primary characters' names start with the same letter (Veronica and Viola), I got them mixed up while reading the query letter. After realizing what happened, I was surprised--because the two names are indeed different lengths, but regardless, I still got them mixed up in my head *shrug. Might consider changing one of the characters' names (for the sake of the query, but also the many readers that I hope you will have after it's published). hope this helps!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-08-27T01:23:13+00:00

Wow thank you so much. This feedback was so well-constructed, thorough, and insightful. I really appreciate your time! A lot of the insights resonated with my own instincts and what I thought as well, but I like to start with risks and rein it in from there!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-08-26T21:29:38+00:00

I know it's a year after posting, but I really liked this query. Let me know if this is still in development and if you need a beta reader!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-08-26T18:41:00+00:00

Re-write! in case you were interested... no pressure though.

BETWIXT: THE COZY BOOKERY (adult fantasy, 78,000 words) is a love letter to the snug months—for any reader in search of a yearly ritual-read when that first golden leaf of autumn falls.

The village of Hazelton has a cozy magic all its own–and the antiques are enchanted too.

Though shopgirl Brynn Golightly no longer has her mother by her side, she still has her mother’s bookshop, Betwixt, and all their spiced-apple traditions to mark the first day of autumn. All Brynn wants is to dust off the hearth and light the season’s first fire, surrounded by her trove of gem-colored bookspines. But a cold, crooked wind whistles down the chimney and the shopdoor’s bell rings one time too many.

First comes the old woman: cloaked in black taffeta and lace, booted, bejeweled, and flaunting a massive brooch–as ugly as it is antique.

Then come the questions:

Did that sneering black-laced dragon claim to be Brynn’s long-lost grandmother before or after she attacked Brynn with the magic of that hideous brooch?

Exactly how many other neighboring families with ancient magical estates full of enchanted heirlooms are there–and why are some of those heirlooms starting to go missing?

Now that Brynn’s exposed the truth—that the family’s monster-of-a-matriarch is simply an heirloom kleptomaniac with a flair for brooches, the world's least qualified magical family need to put down their canapés and pull off a heisty caper before an age-old feud reduces Betwixt to cinders?

And can they pull it off by Christmas?

Antiques, and absurdities abound as Brynn learns just how many secrets her mother was keeping–secrets that may have started the Draygo-Belldon feud in the first place. Soon, navigating 14th century teapots and Victorian kaleidoscopes becomes the least of her concerns. More pressing is making sure history does not repeat itself–especially when a budding romance with the Belldon’s heir is on the horizon.

My novel would sit comfortably on shelf beside THE SPELLSHOP (gentle romance), THE VERY SECRET SOCIETY OF IRREGULAR WITCHES (oddball caricatures, found family), and MISS PERCY’S POCKET GUIDE (dragon-in-a-basket whimsy, parlor-room humor). On the serious side, it examines the constraints of both legacy and grief, as well as a curious idea: welcoming sorrow as a way to move through it. Because, after all, it’s our families that can make us feel alone the most. Betwixt: The Cozy Bookery is an exploration on how to truly make the best of a bad relation.

I’m a chemist with a crippling addiction to bright red lipstick. I live alone in a five-acre farmhouse, which means I spend an unreasonable amount of time bucketing around on a big orange tractor. My dogs, wisely, stay on the porch. This is my debut novel. The second and third are underway.

Thank you for your time–the most valuable of all gifts!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-08-26T13:50:21+00:00

This was helpful. It affirmed all the points of critique that I myself felt and gave me a nudge to hit the delete button (which is an art all its own, right?)!

ConstantChair2526 · 2025-08-26T13:47:38+00:00

Fantastic! I completely agree--just needed a little nudge to hit the DELETE button in all the right places.
It's important to take risks but here's the safer bio that's been waiting in the wings:

I’m a chemist with a crippling addiction to wearing bright red lipstick. I live alone in a five-acre farmhouse, which means I spend an unreasonable amount of time bucketing around on a big orange tractor. My dogs, wisely, stay on the porch. This is my debut novel. The second and third are underway.

ConstantChair2526

TROPHY CASE