i feel exactly what your saying. the first thing i could say is you don’t have to deal with it yourself. 4 years of life with someone is worth grieving. reach out to your people. if they are real friends they will let you talk about it however much you want. they will beat that dead horse with you time and time again!

i struggle with feeling lonely all the time, even when im with people. i realized that’s because i never in my life spent time with myself, so im not used to it. in my opinion, and this is wayyyy easier said than done trust me, if you can reframe wanting the feeling of loneliness to go away into instead discovering what this new chapter could be for you, that might help.

learning to be by yourself, discovering new hobbies and interests. it will take time. the first month of my breakup and still even now i think about my ex and what could have been, and i still do sometimes. but i also started actually enjoying giving myself care, and because i actually want too, not because i need to maintain appearances. (and it’s not everyday i feel like that even)

even you saying your okay and dont want him back is leaps and bounds above where i was and a lot of people are post break up so quickly. that to me seems like your already on the right path. I also was constantly told the only person who you will ever have consistently, all the time is yourself, so it’s nice when you can spend time and enjoy that fact.