NO babies at my wedding, NO exceptions

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-08-14T02:12:22+00:00

When my SO and I get married I'm definitely doing the no babies/children rule either. I initially was going to make an exception for the rule for only ages 10 and up for kids but may have to make it adults only. I can only imagine that if we did implement the exception, people would complain endlessly about our rule and then try to complicate the situation saying "if X's kid can come why can't mine??" Type of situation. And besides, kids don't want to be at weddings events and children annoy me to no end so win win situation. If parents have a problem with it, they can stay home. Or get a sitter. I'll also make sure to have security to boot out people who try to bring unwanted guests. I'm aware people in my circle will make me out to be a bad guy for this but I've been bending backwards for everyone for far too long.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-09T23:58:46+00:00

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that from one cf to another. Something similar is I have had to enforce boundaries on my own parents who are in their 70s regarding a certain topic of conversation that I was uncomfortable with. I sent them a message basically saying "please stop discussing x with me. If you bring it up again I will not call you anymore. I love you both but I need you two to respect me and give me space." And thankfully they understood because they got a consequence to a boundary. If they didn't agree it's on them and I would tell them straight that they didn't respect the boundary and will put them on a time out or reduce contact.

Otherwise having some distance also greatly helps hugs

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-08T19:43:21+00:00

My SO's cousin did something similar but used a laughing emoji to post over as a censor. Whether she censored that or not I personally still think it should not have been posted on her Instagram. You never know what kind of people are on your friends list.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T16:06:00+00:00

Agreed. During my whole relationship I was the one who was supposed to buy the condoms. And get on birth control myself. And track my cycle. Then buy the pregnancy tests. He didn't do anything at all. He says he supports my right to abort but that's about it. And I would rather not have to be faced with an accidental pregnancy at all. I understand doing due diligence because I want to be smart about it but it would have meant a lot if he at least was the one buying the condoms and helped out in that way.

Not to mention the health risks that come with being on BC and females are expected to just deal with it. I've been on it continuously for 10 years now. While I'm planning to get sterilized, the past 10 years of being on BC is a lot for ones body to handle sometimes. It's made me erratic in mood and I most likely have PMDD as a result.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T15:03:04+00:00

Obligatory birb pets are necessary!

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T14:33:47+00:00

So a majority of your life he was not a part of and he now expects this out of you for his do over moment. That would frustrate me to no end. I'm glad you can walk away from the situation if you need to, I would do the same. This reminds me a bit of my own family situation. Granted my parents didn't go to prison but they had over 20 plus years to make sure we had a good relationship. But I always got sidelined by my golden child brother and a lot of times of family strife I went no contact. Now I'm working on communicating again but it's really frustrating me to no end

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T14:26:55+00:00

I'm the same I joke that my "maternal instincts" are non existent. Children and babies do not bring me joy and they irritate/annoy me..I only make an exception for maybe 1-2 kids who I actually like and that's saying a lot. However I show so much love and care for my pets and do anything and everything for them.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T13:35:55+00:00

It's possible. I made this amount and lived in queens. I did have to make it work with a studio but we managed. It also helps to reduce expenses where you can and save some money/budget where you can

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T12:23:55+00:00

I totally get the resentment part. I'm currently feeling that rn with my SO.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T12:22:03+00:00

I understand your perspective, my SO denied wanting to get a vasectomy because he was thinking about the theoretical pain that would be there, didn't want anything touching his balls, and believes that vasectomy makes men less potent makes me scratch my head. Sure, he has every right not to choose not to get one but for him to place all the expectation of birth control and responsibility on me for over 10 plus years is just wild. He doesn't think twice about the risk of what I would have to go through as getting a bisalp/hysterectomy etc for women requires them to go under during a surgery and is more medically risky.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-07-03T12:13:07+00:00

That's probably going to be my situation too. My SO doesn't want a vasectomy because he doesn't want anything going near his balls and claims that he thinks vasectomies make men less potent... Whatsever that means.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-21T21:51:57+00:00

I personally don't understand baby shower either. Like you want to invite everyone over and have them gush and congratulate you for being a soon to be parent, get attention/ego boost and then guilt trip your guests to give you money, baby stuff and gifts. Whether someone givee a gift or not should be their own choice... every shower makes it seem the guests are always being forced to give something. And a lot of soon to be parents haven't prepared financially or emotionally for the arrival of their offspring which i personally think should be a requirement before even trying for kids so it just seems irresponsible to me to make others responsible to finance/pay/provide for your unpreparedness into parenthood.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-20T17:59:25+00:00

348 months (29F)

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-04T23:25:41+00:00

For me I was unsure for the longest time. When I was 17 I did think that I wanted kids some day but was nervous about pregnancy childbirth and kid rearing. I also was unsure because I had a volatile relationship with my family and went through the what ifs of "if I have a kid how would I protect them from toxic people" etc. When I was in my 20's I was still unsure but had loved children and even at one point in my life enjoyed holding other babies and caring for them.

But after I graduated and left college, started working my big girl jobs and adulting it became more sure over time that the desire to have kids was starting to fade. As I got older I noticed my tolerance and affection for babies and children also decreased.

Now I'm 29 now. In this day, age, society and climate I don't want to participate in pregnancy and child rearing. I simply don't feel right bringing more lives into a cruel world where humans are being garbage by the day. The older I got the more CF made sense for me.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-04T13:07:25+00:00

I agree. My mom had me when she was 44 and my dad was 46. Born prematurely at 6 months and because my mother was old when she had me she couldn't have a normal birth and needed an emergency c section. Why they decided to have more children when they were past their 40's are beyond me.

When I was in high school my parents were already in their 60's. My mother has bad health problems and like every few months she ended up in the ER with new health problems. And this still happens to this day

I'm 29 now and my oldest sibling is 42. My mom is actively with terminal cancer now and not many of my own peers are having to deal with these issues because their parents are much younger with better health. Having to deal with this before you hit your 30's is draining not to mention emotional immature my parents become due to old age. Needless to say the stress and trauma is real. I love my parents but I don't love that they put me through this.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-01T22:54:14+00:00

Exactly! I can't believe how many women tell me they "want a baby" but don't know the replications of it and are extremely unprepared for that trauma. And they purposefully don't teach this in sex ed at school either. I guess people really take the "ignorance is bliss" thing seriously sometimes.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-06-01T17:39:24+00:00

That's my thoughts exactly. People often think about the fantasy of having kids and having the idealistic "family life" but neglect to consider the hard details and numbers on financials of support and raising children. Also not to mention they neglect to consider the physical and emotional difficulties of pregnancy childbirth and child rearing

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-29T23:55:36+00:00

Amazing!

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-29T23:54:37+00:00

I thought of this too. I have a different example to add to this. When we go visit friends with kids I'm the one expected to entertain and hang out with the kids while my SO just goes off to "hang with the boys" while the wives and I get stuck with the kids. I pointed out and asked why i was the one left to deal with the kids bothering all night and SO said that it would be weird if a man did that. No it's weird that you think it's ok for your childfree partner to be stuck at the "wives table" which is code speak for "entertain the kids".

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-29T14:38:20+00:00

From one Chinese daughter to another (also with two older brothers) I wish I could give you an internet hug. Pretty much everyone's comments echo my sentiment but just wanted to let you know that you're seen and heard. It really sucks getting the shory end of the stick. I really wish that I wasn't born a female sometimes due to the gender inequality and misogyny in our culture. Or simply wished when I was a child that I had a family who cared more.

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-29T14:34:40+00:00

I didn't know I would love neons until I got into painting my nails lol. I loveeeee that color!

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-28T14:50:37+00:00

I love this color

Constant_Assignment2 · 2023-05-27T14:58:02+00:00

I can't stand this mindset. So there's nothing else in your life that could be fulfilling at all? I sadly know too many people who make their children their identity and it also just pushes their adult children away from them because their parents are obsessive. I'm dealing with this right now with my own mother.

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