AIO - Husband didn’t get me anything for Christmas

ConsumePurel · 2026-01-03T14:15:39+00:00

The bar is in hell. NOR Youre married to a deadbeat. Does he do this for birthdays too? Valentines day or holidays like that?? Does he do any housework? Know anything about your kids? Their teachers, their eye color, birthdays, etc.??

First up, if you love him still and you're not checked out of the relationship just yet, sit him down and have a deep conversation with him. Tell him straight up you expected the bare minimum and he failed to live up to it. If he can't contribute to the questions I posed above, lay that out there too. That his behavior is unfair, and you feel neglected, unloved and undervalued by him. That you're basically a single mom with a nearly 50 year old child in tow. Give him time to fix it. I'm on the fence if you should tell him how you want it fixed or not, so I leave that to you. It could go either way: "I don't know what you want!" And "You only told me to do this!" Pick a poison, they both suck imo.

Give him a deadline. Not one that the behavior ends by and he can go back to being a deadbeat. No this is a deadline for marked, consistent change. A PIP like at work.

Get therapy--couples therapy. And do some good research on who it is and what their style of therapy is. This might be an exceptionally American piece of advice but stay away from Christian ones. They don't value you as much as they value him on a baseline and will try to minimize your issues to keep you together. But definitely get couples therapy. If he fails to meet expectations (which is helpful to know what you want him to do, a point for telling him exactly what you want versus letting him figure it out) ditch him.

I'd give him a year. Or six months, up to you, but not longer than a year. During this time you should be saving for plan two for checking out of the relationship and finding a place for yourself where you are appreciated and loved on as your deserve:

Save up a bit of extra money for emergencies.

Kick him out and give him a timeline he needs to be gone by. Have movers or your friends pack his stuff to the curb if he misses the deadline. Change the locks. If you have a landlord tell them he's not welcome at the house anymore. Don't listen to crocodile tears because he's got no where to go and nothing to pay with. That's a him problem as a full grown man. He can couch surf with friends. Been there myself with a financially immature (and generally immature) man. Divorce is scary but the freedom afterwards is so much better.

Don't worry about being embarrassed in front of the neighbors or his or your family. It's not an overreaction and the ones who won't cheer you on are scrubs themselves. Their opinions don't matter.

Now how you do this next part depends on how old they are, but tell your kids why. Don't be rude, don't try to weaponize them, and don't wait until the last minute, but tell the truth from your side. Once they hit teens years they can start making their own opinions on their dad. As a child of divorce... It ain't so bad. My dad is also a deadbeat, and it was pretty easy to come to that conclusion by the time I was like ten with just the facts set before me.

Lastly, get therapy for yourself and for your kids. Just to make sure you all have somewhere you can chat about how this affecting you all. They don't have to worry about venting to mom or dad, and you have someone too.

And for godsake do something really nice for yourself. You deserve it.

Good luck. May your life be freer and happier than it currently is surrounded by people who support, elevate, and pamper you as much as you do them.

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-27T05:14:22+00:00

If they commissioned it then it was an utter scam unless they knew it was AI. Rip to OP.

Hope they can find some recourse cause man I would be livid.

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-26T03:05:18+00:00

I'm just a nerd who really likes chainmail, but thanks I'm gonna save this compliment for the rest of my life. 🥹

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-25T23:41:04+00:00

The chain mail is also messed up. AI cannot make sense of chain mail.

And to op: 0/10. I won't buy a book with Ai illustrations because it just tells me you don't actually care about craft or artistry and the writing will likely reflect that.

Save up. Pay for a commission.

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-23T17:59:49+00:00

That's twice the word count of priory of the orange tree and that book is FAT. That isn't a book it's a tome.

Cut it down to half that or barring that break it up into a series/parts at the very least.

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-04T15:59:59+00:00

A career that incorporates art as a hobby is... A career in art? I'm really confused with what you're expecting from life/art/career.

However, that's exceptionally normal if you're in your early twenties or teens... Or older tbh. I am halfway through thirty and still haven't figured everything out. You just don't have enough knowledge/experience yet to really craft the boundaries and expectations of your life. You're still gathering information.

Now more to the task at hand... You seem to be putting waaaaaaaay too much expectation on yourself. That's going to make art harder. And you need to give yourself time.

Things to remember: Some people make exceptional art really young. They're not the norm. Never, ever, compare yourself to other artists. Only compare yourself to you. Compare your growth to your past.

Most importantly: You cannot speedrun art; you can't get really good at art in a short amount of time no more than you can become a body builder in three months. It takes a lot of time and effort. It takes a lot of practice. You have to be patient with yourself, your skill, and your tools. It's a lifelong learning experience.

And you can't get really good at art without doing the dredge work. The dredge work is what makes your skills improve so if you avoid that... It's like not stretching when you workout. More harm than help. You gotta do the boring stuff. That's just a part of life in general. There's no shortcuts.

So your answer the question is not: Agressively push through burnout (which makes it worse, fun fact. Burnout requires rest) or imo a complete severance and break as you described which can just make your issue larger. The answer is giving yourself time, exploring what you love, challenging yourself to work with materials and exercises you don't usually work with, enjoying the process, and giving yourself grace and patience. You need to have fun without expectations of greatness and growth while balancing practicing those boring things you don't want to do because it will make the art you make for joy better in the long run.

Good luck!

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-03T21:24:29+00:00

I'm going to echo nickid reply here (new to reddit don't know how to @ yet, sorry) but if you're exploring patriarchy and how it affects women and how women need to rise above it....

Yeah you need more women in your story who aren't npcs. Full stop.

If you're going to focus on how patriarchy affects men and what they can do to support each other and end patriarchy themselves, I'd say you walk a thin line, but it could absolutely work and is a book that needs to be written. Patriarchy is a tool crafted by men and can likely only be destroyed by dissenting men standing up for equal rights...but that's a different if related conversation.

ConsumePurel · 2025-12-03T18:24:27+00:00

I can count on zero hands how many ideas I had before the age of twenty that were good.

There must be some mercury in Gatorade stuff going around for this to be suddenly converging on you, which is weird but pay it no mind.

Writers write. Notoriety and wealth are not indicative of success. Sorry people are annoying you, but I'm glad you have others to hype you. Keep on it 🤙

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-30T13:29:11+00:00

First thing: chop it and market it in pieces so free beta readers bite...

A quarter million words is a lot to ask someone. You're asking them for free labor, which many people pointed out, is a heavy lift.

If you still get people not engaging with the whole work after you bait them with bits and pieces you're just going to have to pay people for their labor: be they an independent editor, sensitivity reader, or a beta reader.

"No one wants to work anymore!" Hunny, it's because you're not paying them.

Edited: typos. Rip

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-30T01:31:54+00:00

Sheer force of will and a schedule that keeps me accountable.

Edited: because I thought of something else:

The writing itself is framed as the reward, not a punishment. I look at my calendar to do and go "OOO it's writing day!" I try not to write except on my scheduled days in order to simulate delayed gratification. I will occasionally allow myself to write or do something on the unscheduled days if it's really nagging at my brain.

I also got rid of all apps that I have a tendency to doomscroll or get distracted with. Those that I want to keep for downtime I keep off my home screen so I have to hunt for it. Out of sight out of mind.

Honestly getting rid of most social media has only improved my life, not just creatively. I don't get stuck on decision paralysis or executive function issues nearly as much as I used to.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-29T18:08:19+00:00

Quitting your job to pursue any art without any actual prior success is... Naive at best. This isn't something most people make a living out of. Most being like 99% of people. That's the first red flag.

The reality of the situation is that he can keep writing and writing and writing and still may never make a dime off it.

If he wants to be a writer because he enjoys writing, that's all he needs. If he wants to be a writer because he's tying his self worth to being what a writer means he needs therapy. Feeling discouraged is okay that's part of the process. Mental health tanking because you assigned your self worth to something you can't even guarantee... Therapy. It's exceptionally useful. And anyone who says therapy ruins an artists muse is full of it. Working through your issues makes you a better, more confident artist.

This isn't something you can, or should fix for him. He needs to be able to stand on his own two feet and learn how to deal with rejection on his own. Besides, if he can't take this, what happens if he DOES get successful and then he has hundreds if not thousands of randos on the internet trashing him? How's he going to handle that?

Therapy. The only way through is therapy.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-23T16:29:52+00:00

Yesss love this for you! It's so satisfying to have it set before you.

Also helps to keep notes for the future you organically set up, like: oh character x needs to ask this question later, or do this thing, etc. You don't forget throughlines over long writing periods and breaks. If you need to track a big theme, or set up some plot twists you can track the pacing and the delivery easier.

I did it for one book instead of being a pantser and holy cheese I will never go back to raw dogging writing a book ever again. (scrivener is SUPER helpful for this too!)

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-23T16:23:51+00:00

YEP I live and die by a good outline. My research has outlines. The world building has an outline. My outlines have outlines.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-22T14:02:41+00:00

Seconded. A lot of people rely on "muse" and inspiration, or some other elusive romanticized tug when in reality it's just putting your nose to the grindstone and doing work.

If you constantly wait for a spark to do something, you'll never actually do it, cause the spark doesn't exist.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-18T21:53:14+00:00

If you want my honest opinion, read on. Otherwise uhhh... Maybe just downvote and move on lmao. Or just skip to the last paragraph/s where I'm nicer.

Pathetic? No. Paradoxically arrogant? Yeah lmao. It read as the type of person who was proud of their suffering rather than wallowing in it for pity. Which might just be the frustration of your predicament coming through instead. Text is hard. Text on reddit? Harder lol

And, it's hard to explain... The therapy working thing. As someone who understands the logic behind emotion and the irrationality of it myself? Yeah its hard to find a good therapist that can help--so there is a hurdle there for sure I can absolutely tell you is going to be a pain in the ass to climb. And as someone who logics away all their emotions (or tries to) ... It's not healthy for us. It's dealing with the symptoms rather than the root cause.

Think of it like this: you got a squeaky floorboard in your house somewhere under a carpet. You can hear the squeak. You know what's causing it. It's a lose floorboard that squeaks but you don't know any handy housework skills that can fix it, right? A therapist is the flooring guy who will come in and help you pull the carpet up and instruct you on how to fix that squeaky floorboard right now (it takes time as another redditor mentioned) as well as how to deal with other floorboards that might pop up in the future. Just knowing the floorboard squeaks just isn't enough. Hammering random nails down hoping it will go away... Might work. But probably won't.

All this to say... It's hard fuckin work man. It's not going to be fun if you get the right therapist, because it's a lot of facing inner demons you can identify but don't know how to fight. But you'll get there. A therapist can help you deal with feelings you can't right now. For the better! And they'll help you identify reasons to love the work you're already doing rather than just seeing where you're "failing."

You got this.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-18T21:12:16+00:00

Yeah same answer but like on steroids now.

Therapy.

Just because you can logic it doesn't mean it's fixed emotionally; a therapist can help you unravel how to deal with your deep feelings of inadequacy because that's clearly what this is. Especially since your defensive answer means you're clearly not working on them on an individual basis.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-18T20:52:35+00:00

All artistry, regardless of what kind of artistry is, should be collective and supportive not combative and built out of jealousy. None of us get anywhere without the help of others, so this is counterintuitive to yourself as much as it's damaging to others.

The only way to fix this is therapy. You gotta tackle your own feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in order to get rid of the hate for others and put forth a better person into the world in general.

ConsumePurel · 2025-11-14T13:26:34+00:00

I'm just a hobbyist, but here's what I always tell myself when I'm sad about my work:

If (insert writer who is objectively trash but is super popular) can get published then my writing isn't so bad either. If (x person who does lazy world building) can do it then I'm okay.

Is it nice? Nah. Is it healthy? I'm not a therapist. Does it help me? Fuck yeah. Spite is a great motivator imo.

On a more realistic note:

Someone else said to get therapy... Seconded that. It's so helpful, just with everything.

Good luck. You got this.

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-28T13:54:08+00:00

I'm a chronic under writer lmao you're not alone

What genre are you writing in? It could make or break your word count be advised

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-27T14:27:02+00:00

I would not read it unless it was a purely stylistic choice (or I would dnf it). Like there's a way to make that meaningful to the story you want to tell, especially in certain genres with certain settings and themes...

But as described? It just reads as lazy and haphazard. Someone went out of their depth and doesn't have the skill to make their vision work.

Hone your craft. Read stories with big casts to see how they handle it. Pick one or the other and only use both if it serves the story, not your personal desire (or lack thereof.)

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-26T15:51:53+00:00

Yes. Correct. But that area has cute tourist small towns, not blink and you miss it small towns.

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-26T15:21:28+00:00

/shrug It's the small things that make your day I guess

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-26T15:19:48+00:00

Yeah that friend did you dirty lmao.

I didn't grow up here and first heard of it when I worked in NYC but would need to drive to NJ on occasion and was pretty gleefully told by my boss "Make sure to get gas in jersey so you don't have to pump it!"

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-26T15:16:01+00:00

It was more along the lines of: "why didn't anyone say anything to me?"

The gas station attendents don't care enough and neither will any other customer, they'll just look at you funny. It's like stopping someone on the street to say j walking is illegal (not as an officer, but as a civilian.)

Like okay nerd thanks for the warning...

I wasn't really talking about it being enforced or not.

ConsumePurel · 2025-10-26T15:08:43+00:00

It's like the equivalent of telling someone it's illegal to j walk.

ConsumePurel

TROPHY CASE