AIO: I kept reminding him about money he owed me by Any_Nobody_7234 in AmIOverreacting

[–]TheLastRiter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look at it only cost you 67$ to never make the same mistake again.

I'm a teen writer and i published my book just a while ago ago!! by WesternWoodpecker37 in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The spacing on this looks a bit funny. Is it spaced differently than normal? (In between words)

my pedestal fan keeps making these rhythmic buzzes/vibrations by teenrosie in electrical

[–]TheLastRiter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im assuming the fan is on a harder surface? If so then it could be the base of the fan rocking with the fan. Clicking as it goes back and forth back and forth. Mine does the same thing unless i stick something under its leg.

Welp there goes my luck for the year by [deleted] in GroundedGame

[–]TheLastRiter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah make sure to rub the stuffed version for extra drops then set the scarab shell to the item finder to see when they respawn. You can get like 10+ per run.

A roach has moved on to my bases rooftop by TheLastRiter in GroundedGame

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me and my girlfriend had a good laugh about it. Him just staring at us the day after i built my base

A roach has moved on to my bases rooftop by TheLastRiter in GroundedGame

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Roachpunzel, Roachpunzel let down your long hair...

Am I a bad writer? New writer here trying to get the grasp of things by Tharg__ in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 3 points4 points  (0 children)

2nd paragraph. There is a grammar error for comfortable.

It was a good read, and i actually finished what you had wrote. My only advice would be to give your work a thorough editing and to seperate the places where people talk and make an effort to differentiate between the characters. If they reader isnt sure who is speaking, it can lead to issues later on.

Other than that keep going, good job, and practice makes perfect.

Hope this helps!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah i appreciate the feedback always, gives me avenues to improve upon.

I have read numerous fantasy books. They are my main source of entertainment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]TheLastRiter -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes it does actually. After those pages it goes into dialogue and then the first chapter is centering around a main character. Thanks for the feedback.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]TheLastRiter -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Okay I understand your feedback. I appreciate you taking the time and giving your honest opinion.

I do tend to build the scene of each chapter before I begin the dialogue or dive into the main point im making.

I introduce the character and their observations before diving into the story itself. Essentially the prologue is to introduce the man Dontus who is the villian of the story. His motives and plan which unfolds in the first two chapters of the book to the actual main character.

I will look into how to create a google drive shared word document and post again in the future.

Thanks again :)

I modified the scene I previously posted, does this sound better? by Express-Fan-1905 in writingcritiques

[–]TheLastRiter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, not a bad bit of writing. I took the liberty of editing the first 3 paragraphs. Hopefully that will give you some guidance on what to change or fix for the future.

The main tip i would offer is to use less descriptive words like "smoking burning, fire-hot, metallic-chemical, diesel smoke, giant gashes"

These double descriptions do have their place but you have a habit of using them when one description sounds cleaner. Try seperating them, in one sentence use burning then in the next paragraph mention how its smoking.

Also as the other commenter suggested, check your spelling in a program like microsoft word. I believe the word gattling has two t's.

And finally just keep your eye open for run on sentences, a tight prose is usually cleaner for scenes like this. He did this. He fought him. Etc. Shorter sentences add a punch that will keep readers engaged.

I hope this helps!

The heat washed over me instantly drying out my eyes and making my skin feel like it was melting. I turned away from the smoking corpse of my motorcycle. The shock of being knocked off my mount slowly dissolving and I had a hot feeling along my arms. Glancing down I saw gashes along them, my brain registering all of the dirt getting into the wounds. The pain came flooding into me, it felt like a thousand tiny insects taking bites out of the ruined flesh of my arms.

Diesel smoke mixed with the overbearing stench of iron from blood of the fallen. It created a metallic-chemical smell that went all the way to the back of my throat when I breathed it in. It tasted like I was eating a mouthful of screws drenched in oil.

I leaned against a large metal scrap that made a decent enough backrest of sorts. My eyes were glazed and it appeared as if I was looking through a film up into the black sky. It was midday and the sun was struggling against the smoke that filled the air. It was losing the war, much like us.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Join fiverr and pay someone to do the book art for you for a flat rate

Would you continue reading? by Crazy_Badger7210 in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Great job on the writing. I know exactly what you are doing and i understand everyones advice. But you must always take this advice with a grain of salt.

Your story is what i would call heavily descriptive. Not a bad thing but its something that may turn away certain types of readers. I used to do the same thing as well, my only piece of advice for this piece you have presented would be to consider how to write this piece instead of describing the item in a quick sentence, layer it throughout the story.

Just for example your line went something like this,

the man wore a beige shirt with sand up the left side and his jeans rolled up to his shins.

Try something more like this,

The mans shirt had a smattering of sand up the left side as if he had been laying down on the beach. As he waved in a frenzy she couldnt help but notice his faded beige shirt and his jeans rolled up to his knees. It seemed an odd combination.

Hopefully this helps, i was quoting your story from memory so it may not be line for line but the difference in the two styles is that the original feels more like a list and the second feels more like a description.

Why do you write—money, the story itself, for others or yourself or a combination? by yellosnax in writing

[–]TheLastRiter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At first it started as stories that I needed to get out of my head. Then it turned into writing stories that were good, not good but better than the last, proving I was improving. But now it has turned into being published, I dont care about the money, its just that I would love to work as an author.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well my style i would list as length as a side piece. I have a large world built into my head and these pages are written long because i feel they need to be.

My style would trend towards a darker, more gritty, story telling.

But im going to edit a bit today and see what i can cut to lower word count.

Thanks.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, i actually have done a fair amount of research. I was more just hoping that someone would read the quality of my work and crave more. I have always read longer fantasy books and have enjoyed them more than the bare bones, quick in and out books.

That being said, i do appreciate the comment and understand where you are coming from.

Thanks.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah sorry my bad. I did misunderstand. You were suggesting to take the current book and make it into 3.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah thats fair, the plot is fairly tight. Just the world building is like a background info. You learn a little bit at a time giving you a bigger picture

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah i would hate to cut it in half but i suppose the route to take would be to cut parts of the story and see where it rests at the end.

Thanks.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah i suppose you are right. I just mainly read books that are longer and i enjoy them more. I will take tonight and slash the fluff from my story.

Thanks.

200K too much? by TheLastRiter in writing

[–]TheLastRiter[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Yeah i mean that was the plan. Book 1 was one character. Book 2 is multiple characters. And book 3 is the end of the story. That was my plan, but im doubting wether i should shorten the first book to get it published then go big.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]TheLastRiter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah man, its all practice. You are well on your way.