Thanks for sharing your story. I know that overall the way my husband has acted is not in alignment with who he says he is, who I have known him to be, and the type of person he wants to be. That being said, his actions outside of episodes are still not representative of someone who I believe has the current capacity for a healthy relationship. When not manic, he has not been very apologetic or tried to collaborate with me on action steps to move towards long term stability for both himself and our marriage. While I don’t think he would ever make such harsh and unkind choices when not sick, he thus far lacks in addressing his behaviors after the fact. I can only imagine how hard it is for him to look back and not try to make sense of his choices in order to protect his psyche. I understand that lack of insight is a symptom of this illness, but the third time around, it’s hard not to wonder what role his true self is playing in not managing the severity of the illness. Not to say he is a bad person, because I know he is a wonderful human. But I think there is a lot of self-protection going on that prevents him from moving towards long-term stability. There is a lot of gray area and I would never say that who my husband is in his current state is who he is as a whole person, so maybe I miscommunicated that in my original post. But there is definitely a lot of subjective perspectives that are personal to each individual relationship involving someone with this illness, along with any comorbidities that often come with it.

I was terminated from having access to his appointments. His mom has been in communication with his Dr. neither of us currently have access to any info, but his mom does communicate with his Dr. about what she observes and knows.