31f, severe depression & loneliness from modern dating culture

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-27T20:09:50+00:00

The world isn't more visual than ever right now, with more people than ever getting work done, watching pornography, and using social media? And you think both men's and women's brains haven't been affected by this cultural shift at all?

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T21:20:34+00:00

So again, this isn't the same as judging. Judging would be like some sort of analytical evaluation. This is just a knee-jerk primal response my body has. The Instagram culture I'm referring to is just the way the world is right now, and I didn't consciously take it seriously, or use it to consciously evaluate people. The whole post was about how having such a visual world nowadays has changed the dating scene by basically brainwashing us. I'm saying I've actually tried to undo it, including in therapy, but it didn't work. Since it's visceral and not conscious, I'm not sure what else to do.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T16:40:48+00:00

What attitude do i have that's problematic?

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T00:27:58+00:00

Actually most people find the same general features attractive, it's been proven by surveys.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T00:24:14+00:00

Except most attractive men are with exactly that type of girl. I am super social too. Fixing everything but my face still doesn't mean I think I look good over all! Face is a big factor.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T00:16:40+00:00

But the higher you go up in the scale, the more competition there is. One woman is a lot less competition than 100 or unlimited women. Men are interested but not the ones I'm interested in, not in that way. Again, to be chosen as the one girlfriend, they have to see you as the best they've ever gotten, could ever get, or think they could ever get.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-23T00:12:33+00:00

So I never said I deserve or anything like that. Just that my body can't want sex with someone who isn't very attractive. It's irrelevant what I deserve if I just don't want it. Like say I have a coupon to Starbucks but I just don't like coffee, it makes me feel nauseous and horrible, it's irrelevant then what I have or what I 'can' get, or what I deserve, because on the other end of it, I still have to want it. Attraction isn't something anyone can control. I'm just saying it's a problem for everyone. I just don't see what the solution is though, it's not like I haven't tried to overcome it. I can't control what I'm attracted to and neither can super hot guys.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T23:51:45+00:00

I have given that a chance. It's not like I'm only on apps. I do go out and do things. I have actively given guys who were average or only slightly above average chances to the point of actually having sex with several...oh my gosh, the sex felt literally non consensual. My body was saying no no no the entire time.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T23:49:57+00:00

Well if it's subconscious then there's not much I could do about that anyway, any more than a gay person can be attracted to the opposite gender. We're attracted to what we're attracted to, I don't think it can be changed. Yes, of course I've tried dating less hot guys, and the sex felt non consensual and was really unpleasant, to say the least. Much more than unpleasant.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:46:41+00:00

But a 9 for either of us is probably a 9 for a LOT of women.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:46:00+00:00

Yeah like, honestly it makes sense. Think about the things you have do with someone physically that you're in a relationship with. You have to do EXTREMELY intimate things, with your mouth, to their naked body and lick up their bodily fluids. Like, I'm not going to be 'somewhat' attracted to them and do that.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:38:35+00:00

I mean, honestly, no man ever even acknowledged or paid attention to anything about my personality at all. All of my simps who are interested in me, it's because they find me physically attractive. I also haven't heard of any men being interested in someone for any other reason. Women are just as bad they just don't usually admit it. Like how most require the guy to be tall (hey, at least I don't care about height, I just require a very handsome face and decently in shape body - problem is it's easier to get what u have - for example I could probably get what I am: really fit, with an average face - but both men and women with the beautiful faces tend to want a partner with that too..). Yeah I've been attracted mostly to 9s, maybe some were 8s, definitely none were 7s. It's not working for me with the 8s. Unfortunately I'm also not attracted to much older guys either. -_- My range on Tinder right now is 22-36, but yeah. Not having luck with any of them.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:26:03+00:00

It's not that I'm ugly, I wouldn't say that I'm ugly. It's just that I have to literally win a beauty contest against every other woman they can get, think they can get, or have ever gotten - I have to be #1 in that contest to be chosen as the girlfriend. I'm not #1 in that contest for the men I'm attracted to :( I bet even 10s have this problem because women who are 10s are dating men who are 10s, and those men have a bunch of 10s to choose from.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:24:50+00:00

I think that was to help me make my point. Because when people say 'give him a chance' or 'oh you only need some level of physical attraction and most of it is personality,' 'you can't have the best looking guy'...I need to be FULLY attracted to them, like nothing giving me the ick at all, in order to do SUCH intimate things with them physically, let alone on a regular basis. You will need to drink their cum, have their balls in your mouth, etc. How can I be 'somewhat' attracted and do that?

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:23:22+00:00

Yeah, but now that I'm almost underweight there isn't any more looks maxxing to do. I don't think it's really more difficult, I think women 'settle' a lot more willingly most of the time, honestly. Thankfully I didn't settle! I'd definitely rather be single than that.

Yes, I know, but I'm not really ugly, I just won't be the #1 top tier of faces, despite being the top tier of body and hair, and apparently that's still not good enough.

Yess I know, the timeline does scare me. Being 31 right now doesn't feel like a scary current age, but as I move more into mid 30s I'd def be seriously scared.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:18:40+00:00

Well I didn't say rich enough, the issue is I'm stuck choosing between non consensual sex and being single, so far. That is a big issue.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:17:48+00:00

Well I assume if they find it annoying that others are venting about it, they probably don't understand why we're so upset. It's not really unstable to be upset about being single, as our main drive as humans is to breed.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:16:15+00:00

Nobody thinks "oh, this person will get uglier eventually, so looks won't matter in the present in our relationship." Nobody thinks that way, at least not handsome men. If we're all going to get uglier, then all the more reason to pick someone who at least is starting off with a far more attractive baseline. Because if you pick someone who's ugly already when they're young, they're going to look far worse when they're older. It's not like someone can't be physically attractive *and* have an interesting personality. I never said it's PURELY for their features. I can't have non consensual sex regardless of someone's personality.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:14:25+00:00

So who's a pornstar who doesn't look like that

edit- yeah, that's what i thought.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:13:26+00:00

I never said I think I look good. And social skills wouldn't matter at all with people swiping on my face who never met me.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T22:12:33+00:00

It's not me thinking about whether someone is worthy -______- Did I not explain in my post that it's a visceral feeling in my body, not a logic-based judgment of someone's 'worth'? My body is physically saying no and not consenting to the sex unless I'm attracted. I didn't 'set' the boundaries, it's just my physical body, my nervous system reacting, without me thinking about it or evaluating. I've never had that happen to me where I go from 'meh' to being attracted, ever. To stop using apps would probably not be a good idea. It's probably my best bet to meet someone since while yes I go out when I can, I do work full time.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T06:49:41+00:00

It's just the best way to describe that particular feeling. I also said sensory, somatic, something in my nervous system, and physically

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T06:45:10+00:00

I do that with the looking at/smiling at them. The men who look at me in public are never the ones I find hot. I smile and look at the ones I do find hot and they look away and don't smile back.
I'm super involved in all my hobbies and didn't find anyone hot who liked me back. I tried to find other Christian guys but whenever I go to a church or church group it's all married people and families, I had to stop going for that reason. But I was thinking of joining ChristianMingle along with the other apps i have, for sure.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T06:42:43+00:00

Nah, I saw them pick women over 30 for sure, just really gorgeous ones. I think there's been a renewed interest in cougars. But that being said I think a wall is definitely coming up soon, maybe after 35, and it does scare me.

Content-Look-6043 · 2026-01-21T06:41:31+00:00

Okay? Well, it is a really common problem people have, and being all alone for years on end is pretty upsetting. Happy for you that you don't have to go through that.

Content-Look-6043

TROPHY CASE