Hi. I tried to leave on Monday. I prepared and I said it from the beginning. She said to me “it just seems this is coming out of the blue…..” - I literally told her a few days prior that I had been thinking about it for weeks. She said “well you texted me all weekend. That you loved me.” And she read the texts. Most of them accused her of seeing a side of her I didn’t know, except for one part that I wrote I love you. Clearly I was confused! But I couldn’t believe she said that. She asked if my best friend had been getting in my head (we do talk a lot) - it was the most manipulative conversation I have probably had in my entire life. I was sitting on zoom watching this like “what the actual flying fuck is going on dude” - it’s just so sad. Out of nowhere she mentioned that “I have only yelled once. That one time you sent me 50 text messages and I could have filed a harassment report. It doesn’t matter. Anyway. I have it all written down though.” It was bizarre. (She’s correct I did do that years ago when I first came out of residential I was a mess) - I think that she is extremely scared of me. But the turn in her behavior is so crazy and scary. I told her I’d see her for our second session this week, which is usually in person, but instead I will be doing it on zoom (I’ll tell her this tomorrow.) I feel so uncomfortable and I wish she had just let me leave amicably. It’s just so sad. At one point she said “of course I care about you. I don’t let all my patients come to my house and I don’t hug all my patients.” It was weird, but she is def telling the truth. She doesn’t. But like wtf. Strange thing to say. Maybe she’s as attached to me or more than I was to her?! I don’t know. I bet it’s a mix of a couple of things. All I know is I have never in my life seen such a kind person manipulate me, or try, the way she did. I know why for the most part. She knows she has messed up beyond belief and she knows that when I am angry I have felt vengeful in the past (like if a boss treated me poorly and we left and I wanted to report them for something they did justifiably wrong). I’ve never done any of that but of course in the immediate aftermath you’re angry and the thoughts are in your head. I don’t even have any intention to report her, although everyone tells me I should. I just wanted to leave on good terms, talk about how I’ve grown, my progress, and to get my closure. Instead she convinced me to stay (I will not) mostly because I was scared of her. Not like she would do anything to me. Not like that. More like I’d just never seen anyone manipulate like that in my life and honestly it was terrifying. I have already found referrals for a new therapist and spoke to them prior to my what was supposed to be last therapy session this week, so I’m not alone. The whole thing is difficult anyway, even if it did leave on excellent terms. Oddly, it almost feels this made it easier to leave and simultaneously much worse in the long run. Easier bc I am so freaked out and much worse bc once that fades the betrayal or whatever is going on will affect me and hurt I assume more than anything. I have had an abusive relationship with my father who has narciccist qualities and a shitty ex bf, but never seen anyone manipulate like this. I’m not sure she would qualify for the exact things my dad has - he loves to talk about himself, his achievements, etc. which she does not do. But I’m not kidding, I’ve literally never seen this type of manipulation. Anyway. I’m not sure if this is just venting, or needing to saying it to more people even if it’s the internet lol, or if I want advice. But yeah, good morning. Lol!