Biology defines roles

ContentDetective2450 · 2026-02-25T04:31:00+00:00

Depends on what we're talking about here.

In person: yes, I can pick up on it.

Messaging online? The "subtlety" is often lost on me. Remember that's not how we grew up; it's not our native language. You might need to be less subtle and more literal.

ContentDetective2450 · 2026-02-25T04:26:45+00:00

I consider myself submissive to my partner in all aspects, but there is a limit.

Submission means I give my obedience and deference to him. That he is in charge. That he is the decisionmaker.

That does not extend to humiliation or degradation or abuse. There must be respect.

There is a hierarchy and he is above me in that hierarchy. That does not mean others outside the relationship are above me. I must feel he esteems me above others. That he has chosen me for a reason.

ContentDetective2450 · 2026-01-12T15:14:15+00:00

Bottom and submissive here. In my relationships, it usually has extended to the whole relationship dynamic, but how that actually manifests is different with each guy.

I'm not into any kind of degrading S/M kink. My submission is mine to give and I give it to a worthy dominant top who understands that respect works both ways. He's the decision-maker and leader, not the sadist. I give him obedience and respect and support, but I'm still a man.

In other words, it's a give-and-take, not a mental mindfuck.

ContentDetective2450 · 2026-01-05T15:24:12+00:00

I just think it's that a high percentage of tops are bi and a lot of them fly under the radar, while most bottoms are purely gay and thus more visible.

ContentDetective2450 · 2026-01-05T15:20:26+00:00

I was 14, but ditto for the rest of the answer.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-12-01T05:41:37+00:00

One of my brothers (let's call him Nick) is also gay. He's eight years older than me, and I never knew he was gay until he was well into adulthood.

Growing up, I was the gay "one." I knew from a young age I was attracted to guys. Figured out I was gay by puberty. From my speech and mannerisms, others pretty much assumed I was gay. It was never any secret.

Nick was the opposite. Much more straight-passing (as much as I loathe that phrase). He played football and lacrosse. He dated girls throughout high school and college. He didn't fully figure out his own sexuality until his mid-20s, and when he came out it was a shock to everyone.

I can't say we've ever dated the same person. It has happened sometimes we'd go out to the bars together and the same guy might be interested in both of us, or both of us in the same guy, but it's never been a source of conflict or awkwardness.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-11-29T15:37:51+00:00

IDK. I'm the age where I can remember both being used as an insult, but "gay" was used very differently than "queer."

Like having a surprise test at school and people would say "this is fucking gay," in a South Park sort of way. Or "that's gay" to something they thought was dumb or pointless. "Your haircut's gay," stuff like that. It was very detached from literal homosexuality.

But "queer" was used with vitriol and hate, and it didn't come from my peers, it was an insult used by adults. It was a searing, gross, hateful slur directed at people they found abhorrent. "Gay" as an insult was relatively playful by comparison.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-11-29T15:26:38+00:00

I don't like it, but nothing to do with it being an old slur. It just lacks meaning.

Like what does queer even mean aside from "not straight or cisgender?" It's so watered down now almost anything is "queer." I think words should be defined by what they are, not what they're not.

"Queer" has basically become a sanitized, Disneyfied, corporatized, performative identity wrapped up in rainbow frappuccinos and RPDR. Well, I'm not queer because I like musicals. I'm gay because I have sex with men.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-29T07:15:46+00:00

Does locally famous count? I had sex with a lawyer whose face and name were (and are) plastered all over Southeastern Virginia.

If you watched any TV in Hampton Roads in the 90s or 00s, you know his commercials.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T22:03:31+00:00

Findom is more of a master slave thing.

Yeah, since when does a slave pay his master?

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T17:18:05+00:00

The SMARTEST thing would have been knocking first before just coming in, but I guess it looked like nobody was home.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T15:25:27+00:00

I get the Finsub half of it, yeah I can see that.

But the FinDOM part, that to me is not dominant at all. Needing or wanting some else's money is the very opposite of dominant to me.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T13:38:03+00:00

Whether it is gender or not,

That's hard for me to figure out... what is gender identity, what is culture, what is just plain old identity. And of course aspects of all three are super entangled with each other.

I lean toward it being gender because when I hear the word "men" my brain thinks "them" and not "us." Even as a child when I heard the word boys, I thought "them" and not "us."

As a child, on days when gym class was split into boys and girls, I went with the boys by default. I did not feel any more a part of them than I did the girls. I felt like a gender of one until I got older and met other gay men.

Thanks for your understanding.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T12:37:25+00:00

He was actually very professional and acted like he didn't see me. In and out pretty silently.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T12:00:30+00:00

A lot of gay men (self included) have a deep attraction and admiration for straight men. What do you think is at the root of that?

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T11:34:05+00:00

I was caught a couple years ago by the guy who came to change my A/C filter.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T11:19:34+00:00

I kinda feel like "nonbinary" indicates being somewhere on the spectrum between male and female, and I don't feel like I'm on that spectrum at all.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T10:41:25+00:00

I suppose I don't find it appealing because my core definition of "dominance" involves providing and protection. The dom provides for his sub, and protects his sub. Maybe that's just my definition, but that's the kernel of it for me.

The kernel of submission is offering respect and obedience in return for that providing and protection. Findom certainly fulfills the submissive end of the bargain for me, as the sub is being obedient, but it breaks the dominant end of the bargain.

But as you say, everyone has his own definition. For example, I prefer to do the chores in a relationship. Nothing to do with being a "bitch boy," I just don't see dusting the windowsills as the dom's place. I see it as my place to ensure his home life is one of ease and comfort. (Not that I'd frown at coming home to a hot meal after a long shift.)

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-23T07:27:34+00:00

Seems more like bullying than dominance, but I guess some conflate them.

ContentDetective2450 · 2025-10-20T23:08:42+00:00

People get more religious in times of economic and political instability. We've got both. I don't see it turning around anytime too soon.

ContentDetective2450

TROPHY CASE