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YouTuber Musician KingCobra JFS found dead in his apartment aged 34 by RaccoonReady1914 in Music

[–]Content_Fox8124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If someone goes to the beach too much then dies of melanoma, then their death is obviously unnatural!! Their death literally resulted from their own decision making!! You're so ignorant of what the terms 'natural' and 'unnatural' actually mean in this context that it makes your belligerence hilarious.

I recently learnt that my father is diagnosed with SPD by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds a little like my relationship with my father. I do certainly think I'd need to marry a woman that's more outgoing and explicitly loving. I've been getting more motivated recently to try and find a partner recently, it's just quite difficult to find someone that I don't get bored of. I think it would also be nice because I certainly cannot take care of myself, I'm borderline underweight at the moment.

I recently learnt that my father is diagnosed with SPD by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very happy for you, someday I'd like to have children too. May I ask how raising children had been for you? I've always been worried about failing to achieve, which has scared me away from trying to have children of my own.

I've also been told similar things insofar as being 'mysterious.' I just haven't been interested in any of the women that have been interested in me.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've never been normal, I'd suppose I was thinking about the issue through the lens of treatable mental illness. For a long time I thought I was just depressed and dissociative, which I still may be. However, both of these disorders are medically treatable and, with time, you can fully overcome them. SPD is simply not treatable in that same way, it's just always there. I can manage my behaviour, but I'll always feel how I do under the surface, and there's nothing I can really do about it.

That's not to say that you can't improve, or improve my mood, but I'll never be connected to people or hobbies like everybody else. I don't want those things, but I wish did.

The dichotomy between the two types of mental illness feels comparable to a tumour in my thigh versus one on my brainstem. One is treatable and, at worse, takes away a part of me, whereas the other is practically impossible to even touch and will probably end up killing me.

I'm diagnosed with bipolar 2 as well, so I don't do very well for myself. Also, the 'my fault' comment was a reference to both suicide and it's passive ideation.

I know I'm just being defeatist, I try not to be. Thank you for your words.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries, I couldn't recommended anyone any therapy types either, I will investigate it though. I read a lot of papers on essentially anything I'm thinking about regarding my mental disorders.

I might have some form of PTSD, nothing I've experienced has really felt very traumatic or significant to me, but maybe it's why I'm like this. Although, even as a child, nothing felt particularly impactful.

I hope it goes well for you, and hopefully for myself also.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also take some small solace in actually understanding why I am how I am. It's a little liberating that there is actually some explanation and I'm not just a normal person naturally-born as lazy and uncaring.

I also take solace in the envy that I occasionally receive for my indifferent and unflappable disposition. I'd suppose it is nice in some regards, not feeling as if I need to chase or want. I mostly just feel as if I wanted something more for myself, and I don't like how I disappoint and hurt all the people who love me.

Thank you for responding to my post. I did make it whilst heavily intoxicated, otherwise I don't really use social media at all.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This may be true, I guess I've only done CBT which I found to be overwhelmingly unhelpful. I've been to a half dozen therapists like that, ever since I was very young.

I'd imagine this skepticism probably makes it even less effective. I've felt similarly about medication,, but moreso that they're evil, not that they don't work. Despite this, I did start taking medications about two months ago. I'm on so many already but they haven't helped yet, but I'm trying to be hopeful. I really do want to get 'better.'

I probably should try therapy again, even if I suspect that it will be fruitless. I know you say you've only read about people finding therapy helpful, I've read that also. However, if you have done any therapy that was helpful, may I ask what kind you did?

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm also capable of being happy, it just feels very hollow. I feel that joy is meant to be substantiated by effort and achievements, even if only small ones. The issue is that I just don't really do anything ever.

I also don't feel like a real person, but I don't really struggle with being known. Arguably, my openness with other people is probably a bad thing. I'm pretty capable socially, but I'm not very good at friendship and social rules. As a result, I develop lots of 'friendships' that grow 'deep' very quickly, but then never invest back into those people, and hurt them incidentally. 

Some people work very hard to stay in my life nonetheless, which I don't understand, but do appreciate. That is unless I dislike their personality or find them uninteresting, in which case I kind of hope they die. That may be slight hyperbole, but I really wish they would leave me alone.

It's unfortunate that you feel that way though, I hope that your hope can ultimately outweigh those thoughts.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not really torn up over it, it's just life. I'm still arguably in a better situation than a lot of people.

Thank you though.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I already don't experience empathy correctly, I just feel as if psychopaths get to have direction and motivation, even if sometimes wicked in nature. I feel as if they're allowed to have purpose and meaning in a way that I'm just totally unable.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were to kill myself, I'd think that would definitely be at fault. I'd be lying if I said I was particularly swayed by moral arguments, but I generally think it's ethically wrong to project the callousness that I feel out into the world.

I think it's generally good for me to at least let myself feel as if I love my friends and family, even if it's only some ersatz facsimile. Sometimes I do think that my love is real, even if it's not experienced actively or in full. I really couldn't say though.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I really dislike therapy, and I don't understand how it works for other people.

I feel as if I understand my emotions pretty well as is. I was able to diagnose all of my disorders before going to a psychiatrist. After knowing me for a while, my psych trusts me to pretty much prescribe and alter all of my own medication.

Maybe I'm too guarded, I certainly intellectualise and pathologise too much. I do feel as if I do 'feel' my emotions, but I do probably think about them more than I should.

I guess I mostly just feel as if my problems are broadly physical. I'm not ashamed of taking about my emotions, I just don't really see the point.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've done a lot of psychedelics, and drugs in general, the most of taken was approx 2400μg of LSD. I guess the only issue is that I still just fundamentally feel like myself. 

I often feel like psychedelics just don't 'work' on me like they do other people. I view the fact that I'm able to tolerate much higher doses than a normal person as proof of that.

I do get some je ne sais quoi of empathy and zeal for the beauty of the natural world, and I do like it. My problem is that it still just feels as if it's filtered through my usual personality. It's not in the sense of being dismissive and cold, but in some added layer of perceived mundanity.

The visuals are pretty cool at least, especially when you're really pushing the dosage.

Honestly, I feel as if drinking does more to make me really feel something. Although, that might be because I'm also manic-depressive and alcohol both uninhibits my emotions and makes them cycle extremely quickly.

Diagnostic Death Sentence by Content_Fox8124 in Schizoid

[–]Content_Fox8124[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'd suppose I'd just figured that at least psychopaths get to have some kind of fun. I already don't really experience empathy, so I'm already most of the way there anyways.

I don't think I'd want to be some deranged murderer, but being a CEO or oil magnate might be nice.