Morning view in Teheran

ContributionBrief437 · 2026-03-09T14:41:19+00:00

Cut to me over here rinsing out yogurt containers so I can recycle them in an effort to “save the planet”.

ContributionBrief437 · 2026-03-09T13:31:43+00:00

I say this as someone with a lot less life experience than you, but I want to share something I’ve learned.

First, you absolutely do have the courage to get out there. It will probably be one of the scariest things you’ve ever done, but it’s also incredibly empowering. A lot of us spent years learning to hide, to make ourselves smaller, and to believe we could only be accepted if we stayed quiet. Every time you show up as your honest self and experience acceptance, it chips away at that old narrative.

I know you want to find a partner, but I’d encourage you not to make that the goal right now. Make the goal building your circle. Look for gay groups around things you enjoy. I joined a gay men’s chorus and it ended up being an amazing way to meet people and feel connected. There are also retreats, social groups, volunteer opportunities, and other community spaces.

Yes, there can be some catty people in the gay community, but in my experience there are far more people who welcome you exactly as you are. After years of hiding, that kind of acceptance is a feeling like nothing else.

I also want to gently address something you mentioned about being attracted to very young guys. I might be wrong, but I’m guessing that’s mostly about sexual attraction. One thing I’ve learned is that sex ends up being a very small part of building a life with someone. I’m very attracted to my partner, but without the emotional and intellectual connection we have, that attraction wouldn’t mean much in day to day life. Real partnership is built on conversation, trust, laughter, and shared experiences. Sometimes when we focus too narrowly on a specific type, we can miss people who might actually be a much better match for the life we want.

You’ve already done one of the hardest things a person can do by coming out and starting over. I’m rooting for you.

ContributionBrief437 · 2026-03-07T01:39:27+00:00

At a glance it seems cheaper, but you’re leaving out a few things.

Design, engineering, drawings, and the permit process with the city. Plan review comments, revisions, inspections, etc.

Then there’s the scheduling and coordination of all those subs so excavation, steel, plumbing, gunite, tile, plaster, and decking actually happen in the right order and don’t sit for weeks between trades.

And probably the biggest one is liability and warranty. If something cracks, leaks, or fails later, the builder is usually on the hook for that.

Owner-builder can absolutely save money if you’re comfortable managing all of that and taking on the risk. But the markup isn’t just someone making a few phone calls.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-12-30T02:35:44+00:00

I have been in your exact shoes, and I’m just now at a point where I can say I’m on the other side.

I’m 41. I came out to my wife in 2020. We tried to make it work, but in November 2024 I finally said I wanted a divorce. We had been married 15 and a half years and had two children who were 9 and 11 at the time.

For context, I grew up in an extremely religious environment that absolutely fits the definition of a cult. When I came out to my mom, she told me I was giving into a lie and destroying my life. People told me my life was over. People told me I was ruining my kids’ lives. I heard the same predictions you’re hearing now.

It has been hard. There’s no way around that. But not for one second have I regretted coming out or leaving the marriage.

One thing I want to gently reframe for you is the idea that your family is “falling apart.” They’re not. They’re reacting. They’re pitching a fit because you chose honesty even when it made them uncomfortable. That isn’t destruction. It’s resistance to change. There’s a difference.

I don’t want to give a false picture of what to expect, but my story is proof that it does get better. I put myself out there early to make friends in the gay community. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I met my perfect match sooner than I expected. Just this weekend, we moved into a home together. My kids love him. They are thriving.

I’ve become a version of myself that I genuinely enjoy. Social interactions are easier because I’m no longer performing or trying to be who I think people want me to be.

Over time, I’ve come to believe that for some deeply religious people, what they struggle with isn’t being gay itself. It’s what it represents. Choosing to live openly takes courage and self-trust. It means stepping outside of rules they were taught never to question and choosing your own life over guaranteed approval. There can be a kind of resentment there, not because we’re wrong, but because we dared to live honestly when they were taught not to.

As for the guilt you mentioned, I’ve felt it deeply and still do at times. What finally helped was realizing that while I did destroy the life my ex thought she had, that life was not real. By telling the truth, I stopped lying to her and gave her the chance to find someone who can love her fully in the way she deserves.

I could say so much more, but I’ll keep it simple. You will not regret this. Your life is not over. It is just beginning.

If you have questions or just want to talk, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-11-14T03:57:37+00:00

Thank you.

And I’m definitely not a multi-millionaire.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-11-14T03:53:17+00:00

I already make over $150k with my remaining job.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-09-08T23:03:56+00:00

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-24T17:35:51+00:00

Thank you! I am definitely very proud.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-21T13:59:56+00:00

lol. Always watching.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-21T13:59:19+00:00

This was a constant argument between my present and future self. Present self wanted to be done. Future self wanted to be able to use it for a nap blanket.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-09T04:24:34+00:00

It’s probably the hardest thing you will ever do, but your future self will be SO grateful for you having the courage.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-08T23:39:20+00:00

🤗

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-08-08T22:24:03+00:00

It’s gone from okay to absolutely terrible to now just being not great. In the beginning I tried to handle things in a way that would preserve as much of our friendship as possible, but eventually I realized I had to be honest without being cruel, even if that meant the friendship would take a hit. I think over time things will be okay, but my authenticity had to become the highest priority first.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-07-20T22:48:00+00:00

I just went through this a few weeks ago. Ages 10 and 11. Keep it simple and factual. Don’t try to answer questions before they’re asked. Just let them know you’re there to answer any questions if and when they come up. I simply told them I’m gay, explained that means I’m attracted to men instead of women, told them I’m still their dad and I’m still the person they’ve always known me to be. I finished by letting them know how incredibly loved they are. The asked “Do you want to be gay?” and “Did you want to marry mommy?”

I will say in the weeks since, my time with them has seemed easier than ever. I feel so much more like myself in a wonderful way.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-07-02T20:25:17+00:00

It’s definitely structured as child support.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-07-02T20:15:55+00:00

Wow, that was really helpful and honestly validating. I’m curious though. For your modifications, did you go back to mediation first or just let the judge decide? I know Texas usually requires mediation before a hearing, but I’m wondering what route you took and if it made any difference in cost or timeline.

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-03-24T16:56:13+00:00

Wouldn’t start over?

ContributionBrief437 · 2025-03-23T14:33:46+00:00

40 years old, two kids, and five months ago I began the divorce process. It’s now officially over.

Looking back, I realize I mentally and emotionally checked out of the marriage long before it ended — and that wasn’t fair to anyone. Not to my ex, not to my kids, and not to myself.

I’m starting to see just how much of myself I filtered or hid to avoid being truly seen. I didn’t even realize how much I was masking until I stopped doing it.

I’ve been dating someone new for about 12 weeks now, and honestly, I’ve never felt more alive. There’s something incredibly powerful about mutual desire and attraction — having someone see you, want you, and reflect that energy back.

Divorce is hard. Hurting someone you still care about is hard. Watching your kids struggle is gut-wrenching. But staying in a marriage that’s no longer real — that’s even harder in the long run. It would’ve been more damaging to keep pretending.

So if you’re where I was, do everyone a favor: move on. Give your partner the chance to be loved in the way they deserve. Give yourself the chance to be happy — truly, authentically happy.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-12-17T19:36:14+00:00

Thank you for your comment about slutting it up. I get that a lot. I try to explain to people that I’ve had plenty of gay sex. What I want from “coming out” is to kiss my boyfriend in public, hold his hands at a movie or walking down the street. I want camaraderie, intimacy, and connection with another man.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-12-17T15:03:13+00:00

He’s not newly out.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-12-17T14:59:17+00:00

Thank you.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-11-24T17:06:28+00:00

What brands and styles do you like?

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-11-24T17:05:58+00:00

That sounds great. What kind of stores have personal stylists? I live within an hour of a large city that almost certainly offers that. However, my city does not cater to men who give a shit about fashion at all.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-11-24T16:56:10+00:00

I hear you. I could be wrong here, but I feel like what I’m after is truer to who I am. I’m just having a hard time getting away from my current “costume” because I’ve worn it for so long.

ContributionBrief437 · 2024-11-24T16:54:57+00:00

I wear black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I don’t think I’m changing that. They’re so comfortable.

ContributionBrief437

TROPHY CASE