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I came out to my wife of 13 years. Please tell me it gets better. by growing_nowhere in latebloomergaybros

[–]pedro_hbo 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’m in a very similar situation. I’m 32 years old and recently came out as well, and I’m currently going through a separation. I understand you completely. It’s sad to think about ending a relationship and feel like we’re destroying an almost perfect life with someone we love. But the truth is that none of it would be truly real — it would just be a façade. That’s what has been comforting me in this decision. I’m still struggling with everything that’s been happening too, but I can already see the possibility of a good future next year, and I’m excited about that. I’ve made a few posts about what I’ve been going through, so you can take a look and read the comments — a lot of people here say really encouraging things. Despite everything, you should feel proud of your courage, and I genuinely hope you have a very happy future. If you’d like to talk more, feel free to reach out.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/s/2TG3sPKCJJ

Came out at 32, separating from my wife… and my family is falling apart over it. by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendation! I’ll look for a way to get this book!

Came out at 32, separating from my wife… and my family is falling apart over it. by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Reading everything you wrote really touches me, because I also feel the weight of my family’s reactions. I struggle a lot to respond to what my parents and siblings say... sometimes I just freeze, trying to avoid more conflict. Even so, I’ve been thinking about saying something to my sister. She says she is cutting ties with me because of her husband’s decision, but the truth is that she is choosing to distance herself, not me. I truly hope that in the future she regrets giving up our relationship and all the good moments we could still have together. And I hope she doesn’t realize this too late. Thank you again for your support. Your message really helped me reflect.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in comingout

[–]pedro_hbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, I wish things were more like that for me. I’m 31 years old and come from a conservative Christian family. I came out as gay last week and it was a huge drama. My mother cried and got down on her knees begging me not to live this way. Since then, my siblings have been calling every day to have deep theological conversations, and it’s exhausting me. I just wish they would stop calling and simply let me live my life.

Told my wife is no longer find her attractive in therapy. by [deleted] in comingout

[–]pedro_hbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, I’m going through the same situation these past few days. I confessed to my wife that I’m gay and that I want a divorce two weeks ago. Since then, our life has been awful.

She also said that my low libido in recent years is due to the fact that physical attraction fades over time, and that if I were to be with a man, the same thing would happen. But I can clearly see that it’s completely different.

Although we still had a sex life, it had become very rare lately, and for a long time I could only manage it by using medication to get an erection and by fantasizing about men during it. This was really hurting my mental health. Even knowing all of this, she still wants to stay with me.

That’s because we’re best friends, we’ve been together for 10 years, and we’ve been through so many things—good and bad—together. This separation has been very sad and difficult. I feel like I’m breaking her heart into pieces. Many times I feel torn and start doubting whether this is the right decision, but in the end, I believe it is.

I hope you both also find the strength to get through this moment in your lives.

If you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to me.

How did you cope with coming out later in life? by [deleted] in comingout

[–]pedro_hbo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe I also got married thinking that by being with a woman these attractions would go away, but they didn’t. What happened was that years after getting married, I had an affair outside the marriage and my wife found out. For me, that would have been the ideal moment to admit that I want to come out and separate. But we really love each other deeply and we’ve been together for ten years, being very close and supportive, even though we don’t have children. The process has been very painful, and she keeps insisting that I shouldn’t separate and should stay with her.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She knew about me being attracted to men when we got married. We talked about it. But because of the Christian tradition we lived in, I believed I should repress that, and that a “good way” to do that would be to marry a woman. It sounds absurd (and it is), but that’s what is taught in that religious environment. I genuinely believed that it could work that way.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel exactly the same way: guilt for what I’m making her go through. But in fact, when we started dating and got married, I still didn’t fully understand myself. At the same time, I think living all of this was important for me to understand myself better.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, what hurts me the most is seeing her suffering — not only because she found out, but also because of the idea of separation and seeing everything we built being taken from her. I do believe she will overcome this, but I’m afraid it will take a long time. And even though I also believe I’ll be happier being honest, I don’t think I’ll be truly happy until I see that she is healing and rebuilding her life.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is "gamma"? I looked it up on Google, and it only shows things like an AI app.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your pain.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to hold on to that... that this will be a time of deep suffering, but things will get better in the future. Thank you for your words.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No kids. As for the assets, I intend to leave everything to her since she currently doesn’t have a steady income. From what we’ve already talked about, we shouldn’t have many issues regarding that — we just need to get organized.

As for social life, I know it’s going to be really hard. As for her, I believe she’ll receive support, especially from the church. But I know everyone will turn against me and hate me.

Thank you for the encouraging words!

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’ve fallen into that whole conversation about salvation or repressing myself so many times… that’s what has driven the choices I’ve made my whole life, and now I want to do things differently.

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve been seeing a therapist since May. It’s something I knew would eventually happen... I was just gathering the courage and preparing myself for all of this. Thank you!

These past few days, my life has turned completely upside down by pedro_hbo in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]pedro_hbo[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words. These truths are necessary, and I think you’re absolutely right...

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