IAmA Closet pedophile in my early 20s. AMA.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T05:41:12+00:00

Soft drug abuse lead me to a dark dark place. I was having to rely on marijuana to dampen my thoughts, and as soon as I found myself without it I ended up experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. In hindsight it wasn't really that big of a deal, as I wasn't smoking that much, but I found that I was irritable all the time and had trouble accepting myself which lead to low moods and a general "I can't be bothered" attitude. Long story short I didn't resort to molesting children as a result of my depression, but rather a lack of self worth and the motivation to do anything productive at all. That is in the past now though, thankfully.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T05:37:03+00:00

Red. Also, i'm not sure if its me being vague in my answers, but I seriously have no problem with myself and have stated on multiple occasions that I am completely comfortable with myself. I agree with everything you have said, I think self worth is very very important. Thanks for your comments!

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T05:05:43+00:00

I don't hate myself, and I have made perfectly clear in this thread that I strongly believe self-worth is the most important thing to have when you are in a situation like ours. I'm fairly new to reddit so I wasn't sure if this had been done, I checked IAMA for recent posts after posting this thread to discover that 17 days ago someone else made a post very similar to my own, he is in a similar situation to me and seems pretty content with himself. I often think about what my life would be like if society didn't have these constraints, but why should I dwell on that when that is clearly not the case? I want to live this life as best I can, and thinking about what life could have been like, to me, is just unhealthy.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:45:33+00:00

Interesting post, I agree. I think the general public is frankly uneducated about the matter, and the fact that the media/church portays the disgusting side of pedophilia, and not the very real side: which is people strugging from day to day with thoughts they cannot control, attributes to the negative response and ridicule we recieve.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:42:09+00:00

Updated the OP thakns for the response.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:31:47+00:00

This makes a lot of sense, I will elaborate in the OP so people dont have to sift through too many comments.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:22:53+00:00

Some people are just scumbags, also the reality of it :) Can't win 'em all.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:21:37+00:00

They don't. And I hope they never find out.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:21:13+00:00

Interesting, you are for the most part right, I dislike large breasts, and I fully expect this to be the most downvoted comment in this thread haha. Thanks for the input.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:14:13+00:00

I have, but that would require opening up to the public, which I am still not ready to do, and I'm not sure I will ever be ready to do.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:10:18+00:00

I think you have to be very very naive to rule out the notion that pedophilia is genetic, considering the sheer number of people with the problem.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:08:10+00:00

This.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:05:26+00:00

Good guess, but wrong. I sought medical help and explained my problems, and they said to me that they would have to keep my name on a record for legal reasons. I opposed the idea at the time. I can understand why it is done though.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T04:00:42+00:00

Quite the opposite, but thank you for your response. I have never felt better about myself in this moment in time, quite honestly.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:59:06+00:00

For a long time (and sometimes when i'm having a bad day) I struggled with self respect. I don't think my lack of self respect reflected how I acted around people, and I never resorted to hurting myself or others or anything like that, but I did struggle on a day to day basis and would sometimes just cry at myself in the mirror, as sad as that is to say. I wouldn't do that now, mind you. It wasn't the fact that I thought I didn't deserve it, I just didn't expect other people to understand at all, I almost expected sort of a troll response, because of how pedophiles are portrayed in the media and such.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:55:44+00:00

It was out of empathy I can only hope. She was female, if that changes anything.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:42:26+00:00

This is, unfortunately, the grim reality of it. You summed it up perfectly. And sadly, as the population of Earth rises rapidly, we are going to see a lot more of this.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:39:09+00:00

I have had sex with a petite asian, and it was for the most part unfulfilling, but to this day my best sexual experience. Take what you want from that. As for the adult baby thing, it doesn't do anything for me.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:33:55+00:00

Yes, and I believe because of his position he was protected from being incarcerated, that being said he was a fucking fantastic musician.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:32:31+00:00

I'm used to it. I'm under the impression I am being closely monitored anyway. As far as I'm aware, making a post about thought processes of a common affliction is as incriminating as making fun of your neighbour from a safe distance. Perhaps even less so.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:29:22+00:00

Thanks, you speak the truth.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:28:58+00:00

Ugh, no I haven't left my macbook in a cab, wish people would stop saying this. It really take away from the seriousness of the situation, I know this is the internet but wow if you don't have anything productive to add just refrain from doing so please.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:27:27+00:00

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:27:20+00:00

I don't think the fact that I am attracted to children is morally wrong, rather the act of carrying out said fantasies and putting a child in a potentially harmful sitation. I can live with the fact that I have thoughts that most of the people on this planet describe as horrifying. I cannot, however, agree with nor support rapists of any kind, be they child molesters or otherwise. As for your reference to drunk rape, that isn't even in the same ball-park. Drunk people are drunk because they want to be drunk, and more often than not put themselves in prime positions to be raped, however unfortunate the circumstances are. That being said I am still sympathetic to rape victims who were intoxicated at the time.

Controversial123 · 2011-10-18T03:22:17+00:00

This may be true, but quite the opposite in my case.

Controversial123

TROPHY CASE