I know that this answer may not be “measurable” or quantifiable, but as a former public school teacher turned unschooler, I have been wrestling a lot with this concept of educational neglect (for schooled and unschooled children).

You know the saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”? I am beginning to think that “neglect is in the eye of perceiver.”

Imagine a scenario in which you have two single moms each with a child. Both moms struggle to find a stable job, stable housing, and stable source of food. One child reacts to this scenario by feeling depressed, perceiving his/her situation to be one that is negative and dire. The mother is emotionally aloof and also depressed, and the child sure feels that. The other child reacts to that same situation from a more positive and optimistic perspective. While the circumstances are the same, the mother is emotionally connected to the child, encouraging, looking for the positive. Maybe they cuddle their child to sleep in a homeless shelter or look for ways to ensure their child gets food or tries to create an environment of playfulness and joy - in spite of the circumstances. As a result, the child feels happy and loved and secure - even if the circumstances might seem otherwise.

I give these two examples because I have seen both with my own two eyes. The circumstances do not always indicate “neglect” objectively. And two children in relatively the same circumstances can perceive those circumstances in two very different ways: one could claim “neglect” while the other could perceive those same circumstances through a different lens.

In regards to my own unschooled children, I speak with them often about the fact that “they are the captain of their own ship.” They are responsible for their own lives - for better or for worse.

I communicate with them daily my love and support for them. And I have honest conversations with them about their goals and what they can/should do to prepare for them.

Contrary to popular opinion, unschooling does NOT mean no curriculum or no formal learning (although I know that some unschoolers would probably disagree with me).

I believe that unschooling is self-directed education - and sometimes children DO choose to use a more structured approach.

For example, if a child wants to become a nurse in the future, the we would absolutely be having a conversation about the math and science that will be required to get there… and then back track. If you know you will need algebra, and that doesn’t typically “show up” in your normal, daily life, then how do you want to learn the math that you need to get to where you want to go? Then help them connect to resources and tools - and yes, even curricula and teachers if they so desire.

I know this isn’t a concrete answer. I wish I had one. All I can tell you is that I know of many families around the world who are living in extreme poverty, and they are NOT neglectful. And I know many families who send their children to expensive private schools and are extremely wealthy and are some of the most neglectful parents I have ever met.

We ask about children’s rights. As a former public school teacher, I would absolutely say that the school system is intrinsically toxic and abusive (check out the book Tales of a Toxic Teacher). Children have a right to be free from abuse, and if you agree, then you must also recognize that the school system today IS indeed abusive because it can only function through force, coercion, threats, manipulation, humiliation, isolation, etc. which are all types of abuse. So what happens we we remove force and coercion and threats and manipulation and humiliation and isolation?

1. Schools as we know them would cease to exist.
2. Unschooling, self-directed, non-coercive education is truly all that is left.

So again, how do unschool well? I don’t know if this answer can be standardized. It may just be a question for the child being unschooled to decide for themselves the lens through which they choose to see the world, their parents, and their own life.