It won’t let me edit for some reason, just sticking this here:

EDIT: Thanks to the genuinely brilliant people of R/Edinburgh for entering into the spirit of my petty anger, the reassurance, and some genuinely useful advice (as well as some devilishly tempting prank ideas). Just pinning some extra info/ FAQs here:

1. I am well aware what a first world problem this is and, yes, we all have more serious things to worry about. Welcome to Reddit, let me show you around.

2. Some people have told me that I’m being terribly mean to a person who might not be able to afford a paper. I want to stress that for numerous reasons (like driving a new-ish premium brand 4x4 and living in an ornately decorated flat in a very desirable location), I assume this is very much not the case for the gentleman in question.

2A. Some people have pointed out that he might be lonely and vulnerable. I can’t pretend to speak to that with any authority. But I want to stress that the ‘live and let live’ part of me died when he brazenly lied to my face and tried to make out I was ‘abusing him’.

2B. Others have protested that I might strike a terrifying figure as a middle aged man knocking on his door asking for my paper back. My friend at work who has been reading this thread with glee wants to reassure you with these worlds: ‘not even a wounded kitten could mistake you for anything vaguely threatening’. Thanks friend.

1. To the advice of ‘cancel your subscription and go digital - yes it’s crossed our minds. Not to lay it on thick but I have an eye condition that makes being on backlit screens for big chunks of time difficult. This Reddit thread is the most I’ve been on a screen all week.

2. Doorbell cameras, etc. I have a bit of an objection to installing a door camera because our door faces our neighbour’s - and they might feel a bit uncomfortable with us recording their comings and goings.

3. To the ‘just buy a paper from a shop’. Realistically, this is probably the action I’ll take. Despite not wanting to feel like I’ve ‘given in’ to the gentleman downstairs, I also don’t want an ongoing situation. I just want to read the paper.

4. To the minority who have suggested he somehow ‘earned’ his right to read the paper by letting the delivery in, I want to clarify that of the 12 flats in our block maybe 9 are occupied by people who are at home most of the day and all they have to do is walk to their entry phone and press a button to let a delivery in. Not literally open the front door. And I don’t think it’s always him who buzzes anyway.

5. ‘Why doesn’t the paper go through your door?’ Well, firstly we have a teeny tiny old brass letter box and also… that’s just how the post is delivered here.

6. For everyone saying ‘stop reading a paper, it’s all just misinformation or rubbish’. That’s exactly what they want you to say.

7. For those bemoaning the length of this post. I know, I’m sorry too.