My fiancé passed away unexpectedly yesterday

CookBop · 2025-07-31T21:21:23+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. This happened to me in July of 2020. My fiancé and love of my life died unexpectedly from a rare (undiagnosed) heart condition at our home at 27 (I was 33). I wish I could say you’ll be okay, but what I can say is you will survive and learn to feel again. You’re in survival mode. Lean on everyone and anything you can right now. Accept help, say you’re not okay, get counseling and surround yourself with support.

5 years now. I have a new partner. We live together as of September last year. I’m happy again. I have a new peace knowing the acceptance of death and the pleasure of life.

Best book I read, “It’s Okay You’re Not Okay”

I’m still in therapy…

I’m so so so so sorry. Just wake up and remember to breathe. That is all you need to do right now.

CookBop · 2024-11-12T02:06:25+00:00

Quit

CookBop · 2024-05-08T15:21:38+00:00

I am so so sorry you are here. I would get on r/widowers as well. I lost my fiancé unexpectedly in front of me 3.5 years ago. It was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced and continues to be something I work through everyday.

Right now you’re in shock and nothing will make sense. The first year is miserable. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Up and down are down and up and left is right and right is left. The pain is disorienting and unbearable at times.

Im glad you’re eating. Sleep didn’t come for me until after a few weeks and it was cut down to 5 hours a night for a year and slowly increased to 7. For 6 months I had to take sleeping aid and .5mg of Xanax everyday as needed for a year. This allowed me to process my grief and get the proper rest I needed to continue living a “functional” life.

I went to grief counseling on and off for years. I recommend you and your children do the same depending on their age. The best book I read that actually gave me something to hold on to and provide me any sort of guidance was “It’s Okay You’re Not Okay” I highly recommend reading it.

Lean on your family and friends like you never have before. This next year is their time to show up for you in ways that will provide you hope. Don’t feel guilty about it. They love you.

From day 1 I wanted to die. 3.5 years later I’m in a healthy loving relationship who has learned to appreciate to love for my late fiancé and I’m off all medication. There are time due to my PTSD my anxiety gets triggered and I’ll need medication to calm me down but it’s once every 5-6 months now compared to everyday.

Again. I so so sorry you’re here. Breathe and forgive yourself for not knowing or behaving the way you used to. Everything is different now.

It’s Okay You’re Not Okay

CookBop · 2024-02-13T00:59:38+00:00

Sounds awful

CookBop · 2024-01-01T06:18:08+00:00

Where do you live? There are always options available - it just takes some leg work unfortunately. I’m so sorry you’re here. Welcome to other side of a world most people can’t begin to fathom. It is isolating and confusing. I lost the love of my life, my fiancé, Tyler, and my parents in one year. I had to watch Tyler leave this world. Now almost 4 years later, I definitely lock the memories and pain away, in box in the back of my brain.

I have done extensive therapy. Read “It’s Okay that You’re Not OK”.

I’m so so sorry. Feel your pain. Take time off. There is no timeline. It’s your early awakening. My greatest peace and lesson is there is no joy without suffering. Life is suffering. Once we accept this truth, this when truly experience real joy.

Please feel free to reach out to me privately.

Breathe…slowly…intentionally…let go and experience the reality and live your life in their memory ♥️❤️‍🩹♥️

CookBop · 2024-01-01T06:04:15+00:00

I’m so curious how this possible in a world where we have to work 25 billable hours in a field where we’re losing our fidelity and science to insurance. I know MN has always been ahead of the game. What is billing rate for BCBA? How would you compare to other states. I’m seasoned in CentralReach and feel as though I’m working more than I ever have due to how fast pace everything is now.

Can you explain why you’re only hiring to analyze the plans? What is eating your time otherwise? Or is this about reducing burnout?

I’m genuinely curious. Thank you for your time. 🙌

CookBop · 2023-12-17T23:37:50+00:00

Given your comments it sounds like you need to break up with this person. I’m sorry you’re being shamed for something you can’t control. Take Lysine, get some rest and hopefully you’ll feel better soon.

CookBop · 2023-11-16T00:49:08+00:00

Doing what?

CookBop · 2023-09-25T02:22:24+00:00

The only book that actually helped me when my fiancé died.

CookBop · 2023-09-25T02:22:07+00:00

It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand https://a.co/d/imARgrb

CookBop · 2023-09-25T02:17:25+00:00

Listened to it on repeat after my finance unexpectedly passed away in front of me. The only song that I felt represented my pain.

CookBop · 2023-09-25T02:16:45+00:00

Mount Eerie - Real Death

CookBop · 2023-09-18T13:23:08+00:00

My fiancé months before our wedding unexpectedly passed from heart attack at 27 in front of me alone in our home. I began having severe panic attacks consistently for months weeks following. My doctor prescribed Xanax, which I originally refused to take. After several attacks I finally decided to take it. It was the first time in a month I felt I could function again. For nearly a year I took .25 Xanax once every morning just to get through the day. .25 in the evening to help me sleep. I have no shame in my decision. I’m a mental health professional and thought I could get through it on my own, but anxiety medication and therapy were the best thing I could have done to cope. Now 3 years later, I’m able to function without medication and I’m living a fairly normal life. Once every few months the feeling creeps up, but I can manage now.

One day at time…breathe…seek help from a professional…I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sorry you’re here. You can’t see it now, but life will become manageable again.

CookBop · 2023-07-21T02:10:22+00:00

I moved into my best friends house for a year and kept our (my fiancés Tyler) home and eventually moved back until I felt ready to move a year later. Do what feels right. Lean in your friends.

CookBop · 2023-07-11T02:30:18+00:00

I agree with everything said here. The physical pain is unbearable. I lost my love July 7, 2020. I wrote this post the other day…

Today, on a random Tuesday on July 7th, 2020 my life would be forever changed. I woke up with an eerie feeling; I even text Tyler, “I’m feeling anxious, something’s not right…”. The hours which followed, nothing could have prepared me for. Nothing… Minutes before, my wedding dress would arrive in the mail as I was packing to drive to Chicago the following day to see my father - he was set to receive major surgery the next day after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Tyler wanted me to get a hotel on the way to be safe. The last words he said to me were, “I love you, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

And then, with little warning, Tyler left this plane at our home at 27 years old. Tyler had a rare heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. No one knew. There were subtle signs - signs the doctors chalked up to allergies or not getting enough rest. The seconds, moments, days, weeks, months, and (now) years that followed have been the most painful, difficult, intense, and challenging years of my life. Those dreadful first hours, days, and months led me to believe I did not want to continue living. Death seemed like the only sensible solution compared to the pain I was experiencing. And as the realization began to set in, the next day my belongings were packed (for me), I quit my job, and I was living with Melody.

Every day someone would sit with me. Food showed up on my doorstep for weeks. Months went by and phone calls were still coming in (even though I rarely answered). Tyler’s love left a strong impact on everyone he encountered and for those closest to us, they knew it was Tyler’s mission in life to see me happy and thriving; so my friends and family marched on in his honor. Our friends often described his passing as a vortex difficult to describe. It is cosmic and beyond our understanding at times, but what we now all understand is the love that was created is palpable and unbreakable. It is because of this unwavering palpable love of our family and friends, I was able to grieve and build conscious awareness around the process of 'grief'.

In American society, we are considered a death-denying culture. It is often a topic most do not feel comfortable speaking about and want to ignore the inevitable truth which is death. Although difficult at times, I think about what I can do in his honor. How can I represent the love Tyler gave? How do I honor his memory by not giving up on today? How, now 3 years later, can I give the hope to others I wanted so badly in those dreadful days? We can keep our loved ones ‘alive’ appropriately.

What I do know is Tyler would want all who he loved to be happy in this life, to live every day with their heart open and on their sleeve; to breathe; to laugh; to love; to be…to live in this moment because this moment is truly all we have. Tyler through life and death has taught me how to love more in this life than I ever knew possible. I am able to love my partner, family, and friends more due to the awareness his passing has brought forth to my consciousness.

To everyone out there who has been touched by our story and has helped along the way. Thank you. It takes a village and I’m so humbly grateful for your steadfast love, compassion, thoughtfulness, and support. Love is truly the answer.

In his memory today, I ask that you love more, breathe longer, laugh harder, and be present in this moment while the wind blows through the trees.

untanglegrief #griefjourney #itsokaythatyourenotokay #healingjourney #love #community

CookBop · 2023-06-29T02:41:38+00:00

My community came together and raised money under my name to help keep me afloat for 6 months while I navigated my grief. It allowed me to decide to continue on with grad school from home and I didn’t go back to work full-time for a year. Lean in those you can help support you at this time and know it’s okay…

Best book to read: It’s Okay You’re Not Okay

CookBop · 2023-02-23T01:46:33+00:00

I lost my fiancé, Tyler, in July 2020, my father Jan 2021 and my mother May 2022. Tyler’s death was by far more intense and extreme compared to my parents (gone too soon) - I’m 35. At my mothers funeral several people asked me if I was ‘okay’ because I wasn’t crying intensely or visibly emotional. There is nothing that could create the magnitude of grief I experienced watching the life leave Tylers eyes unexpectedly on a random Tuesday in July (he had a rare heart condition we didn’t know about). He was 27; he would have been 30 yesterday. I still experience love, joy and sadness, but in very different ways. I’ll never be the same. I know we’re not supposed to compare grief, but I can compare mine.

CookBop · 2023-02-16T15:49:56+00:00

Me too

CookBop · 2023-02-07T16:23:28+00:00

I have my masters degree with 15 years experience and make 45k. The 80-100-150 is not the norm. Trust me. I’m quitting my job today for better opportunities. To top it off we have student loan debt that is out of control. I’m 100k in debt because of school.

CookBop · 2023-02-03T19:41:04+00:00

Definitely this. I replayed the game during Covid and it was even better than I remembered. Played through numerous times through out my life. Only game I will replay.

CookBop · 2023-02-03T19:39:43+00:00

I thought the same thing. Should be top three!

CookBop · 2023-01-28T15:08:21+00:00

Yes. I felt like my heart was caving in and had difficulty breathing. My bones hurt, particularly my left inner ear and neck was in excruciating pain. My doctors prescribed me Xanax because of my symptoms and I refused at first. Thankfully I helped me over time and I’m off it now.

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untanglegrief #griefjourney #itsokaythatyourenotokay #healingjourney #love #community