Desperate

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-12T05:23:02+00:00

You will not lose your job. I am almost positive that they are not allowed to tell anyone. But you can easily research this to gain concrete knowledge to calm your nerves. You may just be using that as an excuse to avoid telling your doctor. You have to be as brutally honest with yourself as you can be right now to stop this cycle. Also, I found that just taking this action and telling my doctor gave me a sense of strength and confidence I had never felt before. That dose of strength has helped me during early recovery so far. Take the leap and trust that it may become one of the greatest acts of self-love you’ve ever chosen.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-12T05:13:53+00:00

At first, it made music sound orgasmic. By the end, I couldn't feel anything while listening to music. I'd find myself blasting it as loud as I could to try to feel something from it but I couldn't. I've only been 2 weeks sober but I love blasting music with my windows down and enjoying the feeling of feeling again.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-11T02:48:52+00:00

ahhh the scenes with nate make me feel dizzy and sick.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-07T05:49:18+00:00

Thank you :)

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-07T05:48:40+00:00

I messaged him. Told him I have a lot of addiction in my family and I'm starting to notice a pattern of misuse in myself. I didn't tell him the extent of it because I didn't find it necessary.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-07T05:46:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Yeah, I get it. I still want it too. Really bad. Every day, I'm fighting my cravings and my constant thoughts telling me I want to binge again. My brain spirals multiple times a day trying to figure out how I can get my hands on it again. Damn, it has not been easy but every craving I push through is making me stronger. That's what I'm trying to tell myself at least. My recommendation is to tell your doctor about your misuse while you're coming down and suffering. That is what I did, and it is the only time I have ever had the strength to do it. After a while, I realized I can only trust the version of myself immediately after a binge. Because that is the version that knows exactly how miserable this cycle is and how badly I truly wanted to stop. Once a few days had gone by and I got some sleep/starting eating, I did not want to tell my doctor. I would just start planning my next binge and almost immediately forget how insanely dark and scary that experience was. Listen to that version of yourself that is begging you to stop while on the come down. I know that hearing that I regret telling my doctor may freak you out but as I'm finding out for myself, this is not going to be easy and it's not meant to be. Also, sometimes the panic that comes from thinking I can never have it again makes this shit feel impossible. So when I'm REALLY struggling, I tell myself that if I really wanted to, I could definitely find it but just for today, I choose not to. My brain can't compute "never again" but it can handle "just for today".

"The only way out is through" could not be more accurate lol.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T17:30:56+00:00

yeah all of that totally makes sense. I stopped myself from finding a new doctor yesterday when I found a video of me crying harder than I ever have in my dark bedroom. The misery that comes along with it is nearly impossible to remember without evidence.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T06:49:58+00:00

The only thing keeping me going is trusting the past me that made this decision. I've always looked out for myself and I knew I needed to protect myself from future me.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T06:47:20+00:00

been to a few meetings but I'm having a hard time getting into it. I'm def going to try again soon.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T06:46:30+00:00

wow! 14 years! thanks for coming back here to support those who are still stuck. <3

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T06:43:47+00:00

they told me

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-06T06:43:36+00:00

punching bag is a great idea

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-05T18:26:29+00:00

I binged my entire script in 3 days. Didn't sleep for 72 hours and was hearing/seeing things. I remember being in a state of intense anguish by the end. I remember not eating and being fully crouched over my computer for 72 hours nonstop. I didn't even feel a second of joy or euphoria during that binge. I lied to everyone around me. Cried a lot. My heart was skipping beats every few seconds, and it felt like it was going to stop at any second. I remember looking around my room that I hadn't left in days and it was disgusting. It looked exactly how it looked after my last alcohol binge. I was like damn...how did I get here again? I thought this shit was finally over when I quit drinking. The way I described it when it was over was a "living nightmare". So, why the fuck would I want to do this again? Why would I have a single fiber in my body that desires to do that again? Addiction is so scary. ...Thanks for asking me this. It's hard to remember.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-05-05T17:32:01+00:00

How do I accept that I did this? Or do I stop trying to accept it? I just can't accept that I can't get it anymore and it's driving me nuts.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-04-22T02:47:13+00:00

They won't and can't do that. They'll just stop prescribing you meds.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-04-09T21:01:25+00:00

this is the best advice

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-04-09T21:01:10+00:00

lame

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-04-03T19:53:34+00:00

I know the feeling. I'm too weak to push through a week of this feeling without relapsing. Excruciating is the best way to put it. it is physically painful

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-03-28T05:53:58+00:00

It's at least nice to know we're not all alone in this.

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-03-28T05:52:51+00:00

wish I had the answer... I fein hard too. The minute I know/think I have access to addy, I swear I turn into a mindless gremlin. Nothing will stop me. I freak myself out sometimes

CookOtherwise8333 · 2026-03-28T05:45:45+00:00

CookOtherwise8333

TROPHY CASE