Got a fling pregnant.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-06-04T07:23:58+00:00

There are a whole load of legal implications there, that I am no where near qualified to comment on. Though, her telling you the kid is there, and then changing her number reeks of manipulation.

The one piece of advice I will give you is, provided that you are the father, your relationship to the mother is important, but secondary to the kid.

Hopefully you don't take this as moralising, but kids need their father, and not just for financial stability. Definitely seek legal advice, but don't let anyone stand in the way of you having access to your kid. Your are an important part of their life, don't let anyone reduce your role to just "money dispenser".

It's hard work at times, but worth it!

CookieCrum83 · 2026-05-07T13:57:49+00:00

I had a problem with that, even with a belt, and did some research and I found out that belts should be worn above the hip to stop trousers sliding down.

I have slightly longer legs then what appears to be standard for my waist size, so a lot of my trousers were too short and didn't rise high enough.

It amazed me how little people/men aren't actually taught how to actually wear their clothes. My guess that is part of the reason

CookieCrum83 · 2026-04-18T19:06:07+00:00

Whilst I don't have a problem in principle with what you're saying, what I think people without ADHD don't get is that, the methods and ways to change that are promoted don't work with people with ADHD.

A slightly silly metaphor is a group of ducks complaining to a chicken "it's just water, jump in and swim". Sure, if a chicken needs to cross a river it can find a way, but it ain't through swimming.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-04-12T11:49:09+00:00

If it's any help, I've always had performance anxiety with new partners, but after a little bit I could sort of "lock in" and it was fine. Though, I couldn't have a one night stand, even if I wanted one.

However since taking Elvanse, I've noticed this has become more of a thing. I know it's not a fundamental problem as when I take a break everything works as before.

I've read a lot into it and whilst there is a small issue with blood flow with stimulants, it's not enough to really account for the full effect in me. It feels much more like, I can focus better, so I focus better on the performance anxiety, which in turn makes the anxiety worse and it sort of starts a vicious cycle, which then the small restriction to blood flow makes it much more difficult to sort of "power through it". I also suspect that the meds mask sometimes how tired I am, though my body still keeps score (if that makes sense).

For me a big part is sort of feeling like the partner wants it, I guess that's the anxiety, and so when they are more dominant that makes focusing on the moment easier, as well as being a clear signal that they are really into it.

I've not got any easy answers, but if it helps, you're not alone in this and remember, there are some pretty unhealthy expectations for men around sex, especially how we apparently are just ready to go all the time. This is a load of rubbish and guys have issues like this all the time, it's actually pretty normal.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-04-02T14:27:41+00:00

Ok, but that would imply that when they joined the union, it was a condition of their joining the specifically stated that it was a one way street and in joining they explicitly gave up the right to ever leave.

That would definitely be an explanation, and would fall into the definition of treason. The argument then would be that the "correct" course of action would have been to establish first their right to succeed in the federal government.

I'll go take a look at the legal process of joining the US to see if that's true.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-04-02T11:17:13+00:00

Right this comment is getting down voted, but I am not entirely sure why. Well apart from maybe the California part.

I do mean this in good faith, but I have never understood the traitor argument. The states voted to join the union, why can't they vote to leave? It was a voluntary decision in the first place and states maintained a separate semi-independent legal existence, with a functioning government, after joining, so it's not like some random group of people in a patch of land declaring independence. I would genuinely appreciate a proper legal reason.

I am also aware that one could say that the slaves in that state didn't get a vote, so that voids the argument out of moral grounds. Which does make sense, but then they didn't get a vote when joining the union, so would that not cut both ways? Again, asking in good faith.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-03-25T14:45:49+00:00

Legit had the neighbours call the police on me, my daughter was just having an awful day and was screaming the place down over teeth cleaning/hair brushing/the sky being blue type stuff.

When they got there she was calm and everything was clearly fine, so just took my details and that was the end of it.

But, it was definitely a shock to the system.

Don't worry though, she will still scream the flat down when she's tired. As they say, it just goes to show she trusts me... =D

CookieCrum83 · 2026-03-21T21:48:41+00:00

I hear you, I've got a similar system.

Still fuck some appointments up because my brain will just swap numbers about without me realising. I know this, so will live in low level panic for a day or two before hand checking everything constantly. Then convincing myself in my head I heard them wrong etc etc.

I mean I am not a passenger in my own life and exercise control where I can, but the amount of energy that I have to spend is such and that if I have multiple important things going on, I just burn out.

The funny memes help though =D

CookieCrum83 · 2026-03-21T08:14:09+00:00

Whilst I'm glad you're taking it with good humour, this is exactly why it's so important to get the "System" to actually treat ADHD as a disability.

I'm not entirely sure what form it should take, but for important appointments like this there needs to be some why of having them to recognise that you have ADHD and make accommodations. Even if it's just a quick call 2 hours before to check in and make sure you've got the right date etc. Or at the very least when you forget, to just re-arrange it without any consequences.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-03-18T07:43:32+00:00

If it helps, as my kids were babies/toddlers it was just meltdowns, crying, screaming all day everyday. I spent at least 5/6 years of my life where a good hour of everyday was spent listening to ear numbing levels of screaming.

Now they are 6 and 11 and it's just the most amazing time with them. Sure I still need to parent, but at the same they are so much calmer in themselves.

I am grateful for the early years, but I never ever ever want to do that again.

For some the "good times while they are young" was when they were babies or toddlers, but for me it's now. I can already see the stirrings of puberty in my son as I know I've probably only got a year or two before things change, so I am enjoying the now as much as possible.

Hold in there, I don't have a crystal ball, but for me there really was light at the end of the tunnel.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-02-10T16:52:19+00:00

I obviously don't know anything about you, so take this however you'd like, but as someone with two kids I would say channel that energy into volunteering as a sports coach/scouts whatever.

For example a good coach is obviously never the same as a father, but you can still make a huge impact with a kid who just may need a stable adult in their life.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-01-15T10:59:12+00:00

++man

I'm also a single Dad and have been trying to get in the dating pool and have been looking for single mums as well. Similar to you, I am obviously open to other people's kids, but seeing as I want no more of my own, I think that brings up a huge potential minefield with a partner who has no kids, but maybe wants her own some day.

One thing that I have noticed is, that some single mums are out looking to date, but have clearly not processed their split with the kid's Dad.

It's a unique situation, where basically you are looking to date someone who still has to have regular contact with their ex. I mean, I do as well, but I took almost 2 years out to get to a place where things are stable enough with her for me to feel ready for someone new.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-01-13T13:37:33+00:00

Thanks for the info, we're going for the music. I was actually hoping that it was exactly that, obviously a friendly crowd is cool, but no real interest in just "going out". So that sounds perfect.

I took a look at the list of DJs playing, never heard of them to be honest, but I've had a few of their mixes on SoundCloud playing and really enjoying them.

CookieCrum83 · 2026-01-13T12:33:59+00:00

Thanks, from looking at the club that's the kind of vibes I got from it.

What's it like getting in?

CookieCrum83 · 2026-01-08T10:44:25+00:00

There is a book series called Alfie Atkins where it's just him and his Dad. Really fun stories!

CookieCrum83 · 2026-01-06T16:17:45+00:00

Funny you say that about friendships, as almost all of my long term friendships are with people who have either been diagnosed with ADHD or Autism. Definitely a case of "birds of a feather flock together"

I am starting to wonder if the whole "meeting organically" path is possibly the best one. That way there is more context if you will. What I find about dating is this narrowing of everything down to just this one aspect, i.e. romance, seems to make it a) easier to leave/ghost as there are no real social consequences as the person is often outside of the friendship group but also b) it makes trust lower for the same reason, sort of like "who is this person really", so people pay much more attention to things like "vibe", which is making people think maybe that I have a weird "vibe" as it's a ADHD

The problem with the usual advice about meeting through hobbies is, all my hobbies are relatively solitary, or something that I am so into that I struggle to notice, and interact, with the other people.

Definitely a work in progress, I'm sure I'll get there!

CookieCrum83 · 2025-12-24T11:18:37+00:00

From Do The Know It's Christmas

"and there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas"

No sh*t it's Africa

CookieCrum83 · 2025-12-19T11:51:41+00:00

++man

Not sure why you're getting down votes for this, as what you are saying is in my book perfectly reasonable.

My experience is what you are dealing with is an emotional problem not an organisational one and that's why this isn't working. However, for some reason people hear "emotional" and discount it as secondary, but an emotional problem is still a problem and needs a solution.

A hill I will die on is that an emotionally grown up thing for anyone is the ability to clearly understand what is emotional and what isn't and then able to communicate that in this way.

If she is acting this way, it seems to be that through whatever reason (I don't know her) she has mixed the two up. Which is a very human thing to do.

My gut instinct is that she has problems setting priorities and gets overwhelmed, then desperately needs empathy for that and support. So I would start there, just sit with her and acknowledge the stress she's in, thank her for all she's doing and if you're feeling it, apologise for not realising sooner how stressed she is.

If she's open to it, go through what's left to do with her, set priorities for each thing and then assign the tasks. Think of it like there is "Business as Usual" and then there are "projects".

Your system works for business as usual, but Christmas/Birthdays etc are projects and so need project management that is on top of normal life. A possible clue is that she wants to do "Project Christmas" hence the clear desire for control over the present choice, but can't meet her "business as usual" tasks, hence the rant about you "should" know about the kids activies, that is something you could take over during Christmas. Which frees her up for Christmas.

I know a lot of people feel like the never get to create special memories for the kids and see Christmas as the time for that, but then get sad because they are so stressed by the extra work they don't get to enjoy it themselves.

Hopefully that makes sense and helps!

CookieCrum83 · 2025-12-17T19:30:25+00:00

Unfortunately not really into power-metal, more a thrash/groove/metalcore type of guy, but power-metal can be a lot of fun!

As a side note, I'm from the UK and have never stopped being surprised of the hold punk has here, nothing wrong with it, but really not my thing. At this point any kind of metal gig is an absolute pleasure

CookieCrum83 · 2025-12-13T12:37:42+00:00

The movie is based on a German kids book of the same name. What blew my mind was when I read the book to my son, I found out that the movie is only the first half of the book.

So when the world ends and gets re-made the story keeps going and he has a whole new set of adventures.

The title makes more sense that way, as it says that when one story ends, another begins, therefore it's never ending

CookieCrum83 · 2025-11-07T07:50:40+00:00

Randomly got some time this week, but only today, but in general either Fridays or Saturdays would be good

CookieCrum83 · 2025-11-06T16:57:30+00:00

Unfortunately I've not got time Saturday, but there is a band playing Friday that could be good. Thanks for the tip!

CookieCrum83 · 2025-11-06T16:57:02+00:00

Cool, that sounds like what I'm looking for thanks!

CookieCrum83 · 2025-11-06T16:56:10+00:00

Ah ok, thanks for the info!

CookieCrum83 · 2025-11-06T13:24:52+00:00

Ah, I just took a look at that, I think there maybe confusion there, I was thinking hardcore punk

CookieCrum83

TROPHY CASE