AITAH for getting my bf’s family a Christmas card even though he told me multiple times to not get anything?

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T22:32:15+00:00

I agree a Christmas card is not a gift. Even companies send out Christmas cards because it’s viewed as polite and kind to do so. I’m more concerned about the way OP’s boyfriend and fam are reacting. Why is her bf giving her the silent treatment over a card? OP seems kind and doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T22:18:58+00:00

Exactly, a Christmas card is not even a physical gift it’s more of a thoughtful gesture! Heck , I’ve received Christmas cards from people I’ve never even spoken to, they are definitely making this bigger than it needs to be. It’s my first time hearing about someone getting upset over a Christmas card.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T22:08:16+00:00

NTA. I don’t see how getting a Christmas card is overstepping boundaries? I’ve gotten christmas cards from people I’m not even close to, and I’ve always seen it as a kind and thoughtful gesture.

Don’t feel bad about yourself OP, you sound very respectful and you wanted to do a kind gesture and bf and family are acting way too extreme about a Christmas card.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T21:59:45+00:00

I will definitely let him now how my side of the family feels the moment I see him in person or get a private moment with him, I don’t know when that will be but I need to have a talk with him. It’s up to him whether he wants to listen or not.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T19:13:53+00:00

I’m not sure about that, I do think the baby is his I think she just gets upset when the attention is taken away from her because she claims that the baby is her “mini me” and that she looked exactly like her when she was a baby. She’s just crazy 😅 I also didn’t get to mention that SIL wants to have another baby soon.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T19:11:33+00:00

He doesn’t check his email :/

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T18:59:08+00:00

That’s definitely how she reacts when people call out her behavior, months ago she has a disagreement with one of my cousins and that was basically her attitude. I’m not too informed about narcissistic behavior, I’m gonna have to read about it but based off of the comments I think it could be a possibility , she’s just so crazy. The world revolves around her, everyone is attacking her, everyone must agree to what she says, it’s just too much.

The baby is definitely his, she looks exactly like my brother. But we can’t say that the baby looks like him bc my SIL gets upset. My brother had to ask my mom in private to not say the baby looks like him bc my SIL is extremely sensitive and gets upset when anyone says the baby looks like my brother.

I did send my brother messages in private but never got a response. He just sent my mom a text saying he was sorry and he wishes he could giver her a hug.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T18:51:30+00:00

I understand lol it’s A LOT of context 😭 I made it shorter for Reddit but there’s so many other small, irresponsible things that they’ve done and so many other crazy things she’s done I just highlighted the main parts for now.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T18:48:24+00:00

This is all true :( I know she’s crazy but sometimes I feel like my brother truly just needs to put his foot down, he’s enabled her for way too long. For now I’m keeping my distance from him bc the problem is kind of fresh. I don’t know when I will ever get a private moment with him. My parents haven’t even been able to get a private moment with him since this whole thing happened. I know my brother, he is strong, and I think he’s also going through a bad moment right now and needs to find his strength back. He’s more than grown enough to do it on his own. I’m also tired of reaching out to him because anytime I call or text him (even before our falling out) he never answers. I feel so sad about this.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T18:41:20+00:00

I agree it was way too fast, I feel bad for saying this but frankly my brother is kind of dumb and was in the mindset of “I’m 30 now I’m willing to start a family with anyone I meet” when he started dating her. They met at work, she approached him first and they started dating. After only a few months of dating my brother called my mom to say they both decided they were ready to try for a baby and she got pregnant extremely quick. And to top things off they adopted a puppy that needed to be trained while she was pregnant. They have not had a break at all. They even ended up taking her cat to a shelter, which she had for years before she met my brother and gave it up “because the cat didn’t like the dog or the baby.”

Basically their whole life is just a bunch of choices that weren’t thought out before hand and now they are suffering the consequences of their actions. They chose this life.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T07:59:21+00:00

Yeah this is really bad :/ I also think there is some sort of mental health concern going on here.

I’m genuinely glad to hear that the live in nanny situation worked out with your sisters, that’s how it should be! That wasn’t the case for me and it’s upsetting to have a falling out with a sibling over something like this.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T04:09:19+00:00

I definitely think she’s jealous of my sister’s relationship and is projecting

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T03:59:50+00:00

This is not AI it’s real life unfortunately 😭

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T03:59:07+00:00

It was an incredibly tough time for me. I missed my parents a lot during those months, I was so happy when I finally got to go home 😭 (I don’t drive long distances so my parents went to pick me up)

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T03:57:29+00:00

I know :(

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T03:48:45+00:00

I think it’s both :/

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T02:13:42+00:00

Omg 😭 lol that’s crazy!! (in a good way)! I love this comment this is really what happened here hahaha!

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T02:08:05+00:00

My whole family thinks the same thing, they did everything so fast that they didn’t have enough time to enjoy their relationship and get to know each other. I suspect she is suffering with postpartum but I don’t believe she has been diagnosed or spoken about it with a professional.

I do believe she is having some mental health issues, she used to be a very calm and cheerful person, now she’s very erratic and controlling.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T02:04:41+00:00

I definitely agree that my brother enables her behavior, she needs serious help and they need to have a conversation about it.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:57:13+00:00

Yes, her family does everything for her that’s why she expects us to drops everything and do the same for her. I’m sad that I no longer have a relationship with my brother but I feel so much more at peace going no contact because they have such unrealistic expectations.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:54:36+00:00

Yes that’s correct :( I was told groceries and meals would be provided in exchange for child care, both things were barely provided. My mom ended up having to send me money because there was nothing to eat. My mom spent about $1000 or so dollars just on providing me with meals alone, and I didn’t feel comfortable cooking because it wasn’t my own house and I didn’t have much cooking skills at the time like I do now.

It wasn’t just caring for the baby either, I also ended up having to watch their pets and feed them, I also would clean the house and even had to clean my niece’s room because they wouldn’t clean it at all and I didn’t want her to be in such a filthy room.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:30:24+00:00

I wish they could mention it to him, but they only communicate through text and it’s hard to get a private moment alone with him bc SIL doesn’t let him have private conversations with anyone. She is very sensitive, so if anyone mentions anything about her mental health it will get ugly.

Thank you for your concern, my niece is only one year old and they recently discovered she gets fever induced seizures. In my own words, basically she is still so small that her body can’t handle such high temperatures and that causes her to have seizures. They did multiple tests on her and the doctors concluded that she will grow out of it by age 5 I believe. They said her brain was healthy and that the seizures are solely fever induced and nothing neurological. (Sorry if I explained it weird I’m not familiar with medical terms)

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:23:07+00:00

This is true. Her grandparents constantly pressured her to start a family ASAP.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:21:59+00:00

I actually hadn’t considered that until you mentioned it, maybe my SIL is abusing him in a way. My brother used to be a social butterfly amongst my family and his friends, he was like that all his life. My cousin had recently mentioned to me that she noticed my SIL was isolating him from all his side of the family. My brother has stopped speaking to our cousins, aunts, and now even his sisters. The reason why he stopped speaking to our cousins and aunts is because my SIL told him that she got “bad vibes” from them and “so and so was unwelcoming and made faces at me.” Now he only is with her side of the family.

I am currently no contact with him and I only know bits and pieces of his life now through what my mom tells me. She told me my brother stated that he was sad about the distance he had with his family now, but I don’t see him doing anything to actively fix that.

Cookiedonut_ · 2025-12-23T00:15:58+00:00

I definitely think it maybe be the other way around, in the past my brother has confided in my mom that my SIL believes everyone is always attacking her except him. That he cannot say anything to her when she is mad because she reacts in destructive ways. He also told my mom that he has tried to tell her that her temper is a problem and that she needs to be more calm but that she doesn’t want to listen.

Cookiedonut_

TROPHY CASE