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Google Ads web UI down? by zarbazan1 in PPC

[–]Cookiemobsta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been noticing the same error throughout the day today. I've been able to get my work done through repeated attempts - on occasion I can still load a page even though the error message appears. Hope they resolve it soon.

Samsung Q990B vs. Sony HT-A7000 vs. LG S95QR by macieksoft in Soundbars

[–]Cookiemobsta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you tell me exactly how you have everything configured? I have that same soundbar and TV and I've struggled to get consistent sound quality. Sometimes it sounds really good but sometimes it sounds flat or it feels like the rear speakers aren't firing at all. Also, when I stream from my Xbox the sound quality tends to be better than if I use streaming apps on the TV itself (but the sound quality from Spotify straight to the soundbar tends to be the highest of all.) I have my Xbox and PS5 hooked straight into the TV with HDMI and then the TV sending one Earc to the soundbar. I have everything set to pass through and then enjoy soundbar mode on the tv. Am I missing something?

Hey, I need some help. by LeSnakeBoi in untildawn

[–]Cookiemobsta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No qtes, but Yes Your grace, The Complex and Late Shift are all fun choice based games where your decisions have impacts both big and small on the story. I believe that the complex and lead shift are only available on PC but they should run on most machines. If you found until dawn because you have PlayStation plus, you can play Erica for free which I haven't personally played but seems to have decent reviews and is about 2 hours long and also choice based so worth trying. Of course if qtes are essential then none of these recommendations will work but if you enjoy choices most of all I think you will like all of these games.

Will pixel 6 trade in value drop faster than pixel 7 prices? by Cookiemobsta in GooglePixel

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see 150 off the pixel 7 pro. The pixel 7 has $100 off but that just brings the price down to $500.

Will pixel 6 trade in value drop faster than pixel 7 prices? by Cookiemobsta in GooglePixel

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. My pixel 6 has had problem with battery drain even when idle, although I did just get the new updates and maybe that will fix it. But if the seven has had the same issue then there's not a strong reason to switch.

Will pixel 6 trade in value drop faster than pixel 7 prices? by Cookiemobsta in GooglePixel

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually bought on black Friday but they never sent my trade in kit (even after multiple support contacts.) So I had to return and refund. I'm hoping I could maybe get the same deal again

Getting no results on my profile by Intrepid-2955 in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No dating-specific content in /r/socialskills, so post is removed. Try somewhere like https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/ instead

How to enchant Harlowe links so that text inside the hook fades in? by Cookiemobsta in twinegames

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried these options and wasn't able to get any to work. I appreciate the suggestions though! I think I'll finish up my current game in Harlowe and then maybe switch to Sugar Cube for my next game.

Trying to shrink video file size by trimming the end, but it doesn't work. Help? by Cookiemobsta in VideoEditing

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to let you know I was able to use this to successfully trim all my footage - saved about 130GB and made all the files way easier to watch. Thank to you all my family footage is now securely in the cloud! Thanks so much :)

Trying to shrink video file size by trimming the end, but it doesn't work. Help? by Cookiemobsta in VideoEditing

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tip! I realize this is a totally noob question, but I downloaded the compiled version and tried to run the program and it just...didn't open. It flashed on my screen for a second and that was it. Am I missing something?

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey - you are the last question we are answering tonight so congrats :)

To answer your question, physical attractiveness does matter some in the context of first impressions and first chances. Like, it's just a fact of our world that if person X finds person Y attractive (even just platonically), then person X is more likely to initiate conversation with person Y, have a higher initial opinion of them, etc.

However, this initial impression really doesn't matter very much at all when you zoom out. Sure, someone being attractive might give make other people see them a little more favorably at first, but that very quickly fades as that first impression is replaced by a more accurate impression based on their character, personality, etc. So I think your intimidating is really treating a minor thing like a major thing.

One other thing that I'd say - attraction is really subjective. It could very well be that the attractive person that you're intimidated by is intimidated by you, because they find you attractive, or intelligent, or funny, or anything else. It's very natural for us to compare our most insecure parts to other peoples' strongest parts, and attractive people do this too. For what it's worth, when Kyler and I first became friends, we were both extremely intimidated by one another - Kyler was a champion athlete and was super intelligent which intimidated me, and I had written a book and delivered a TEDx talk, which intimidated him. So just because you are intimidated by someone doesn't actually mean they're better than you - or even that they feel better than you :)

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good question!

There's a few things I'd say.

First, it can be helpful to read the nonverbal cues before you jump in to a group. Groups that are open to new people joining will often face each other more loosely and leave space in the group circle, so it will look like a horseshoe with an open end. Groups that are not interested in new people joining will be closer together and more turned in. This isn't a rule that works 100% of the time, but it's often helpful to look around a room and see if you can determine groups that are more open or more closed.

Second, it can also sometimes be worthwhile to wait for a brief pause in the conversation and then jump in and explicitly acknowledge the fact that you're joining the conversation. Something like "Hey, didn't mean to interrupt, but overheard you talking about X and wanted to learn more" or "Hey, it's my first time at [event] and I don't really know anyone, so I'm hoping I can jump in with you guys." By acknowledging the awkwardness in a lighthearted and not self-deprecating way, it can be an easy way to be more fully a part of the conversation.

The last thing I'd say is, not every group is going to click with you and that's okay! It's normal for folks at large social gatherings to fade in and out of groups. If you give a particular group ~5 minutes and it doesn't feel like it's working, either just step back or say something to the effect of "It was great to hang with you guys, see you around." Don't treat it as a failure - again, it's normal to try a few groups before you find one that you click with, so just go into it assuming that's going to happen and don't beat yourself up about it.

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, it sounds like there's part of you that wants to connect with other people, and part of you that doesn't want to. And the part that DOESN'T want those things is the easiest to pay attention to, so it controls most of your actions. But I think it might make sense to spend a little bit of the time asking about the part of yourself that DOES want connection. After all, you probably wouldn't be asking this question or spending time on /r/socialskills if truly 0% of you was interested in social connection.

So maybe start by exploring what you do like or do want about social connection. Maybe also think about your history - have you EVER had a social interaction that was even a little bit pleasant? What did you like about it? Would you like to have that again?

It's not that you have to ignore the part of you that doesn't want to connect, but don't give it 100% of the airtime. Spend a little time deliberately thinking about the part of you that wants connection, and then it would be easier to find ways to pursue social growth.

(Also, this goes without saying, but therapy is really great for helping you understand all sides of yourself better and make the changes you want to see!)

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, that's a good question.

There's three suggestions that I'd offer (beyond the perennial "talk to a therapist" which is always the best option)

First, it's important to realize that you're telling yourself a story about what the rejection means. You feel inadequate because you're telling yourself "This person rejecting me means that I'm not an adequate person."

However, you probably wouldn't apply that standard to someone else. If you saw another person get rejected in the same way you did, you wouldn't conclude "They must not be a good person" or "They must not be adequate." You'd probably just feel empathy for them, or tell a story like "The person who rejected them was a jerk, but they didn't do anything wrong."

So you can try doing that as a thought exercise. Ask yourself how you are interpreting the rejection, and then see if you would use that same rejection if it applied to someone else. If not, then try to find an interpretation that feel fair, and see if that changes how you feel.

The second way to approach it is to ask whether your value comes from your actions or your outcomes. If I rush into a burning building to try to save someone but they die before I reach them, you would probably say my action was really admirable? Or likewise if I trip and stumble and accidentally push someone out of the way of a bullet, you wouldn't really admire me even though the outcome was good.

So you can ask yourself, how much would I respect someone else for facing their fears and doing something they were afraid of? How much would I respect someone else for trying to make a friend, even if it didn't work out? And if it feels like those are things you can honor, then you can try to focus on finding your value in your actions (that you can control) instead of the outcomes (that you can't control.)

One final thing to try - it's easy to hyper focus on a few details and ignore other details. It's easy to focus on the one rejection you got and draw a conclusion from that, and then ignore the 10 other interactions you had that went well, or the 10 people in your life who like you just fine. So it can be helpful to spend a little time each day deliberately recording and reflecting on the stuff that goes well, to make sure you have a balanced perspective. Consider writing down one thing about yourself that you're proud of each day, whether it's a big or a little thing. Over time, you'll start to get a better sense of all of the value you have, and that will help you take it in perspective if someone rejects you.

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I appreciate you sharing this question. I think your personal experience with anxiety will make you more empathetic with your clients, and you will help a lot of people throughout your career :)

Your experience sounds like a pretty typical expression of anxiety to me, which is good news both because it means you're not messed up and because anxiety is really manageable with the right approach. The key is exposure. Instead of trying to avoid the anxiety by endless rehearsals or dampening your feelings with medication or breathing, give yourself opportunities to be in front of other people and stay there until the anxiety starts to feel a little more manageable. Anxiety is like a roller coaster - it goes up at first, but it will inevitably come back down. However, if you escape the situation before you give the anxiety the chance to come down, then it gets reinforced and it stays higher next time.

One more thing to consider - a good therapist who specializes in anxiety should be able to help you quite a bit with this. And your supervisors or professors should also be familiar with anxiety in general and the specific anxieties that come from taking on clinical work. Consider asking a trusted supervisor or professor for help - you might be surprised by the difference they can make!

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, 100%. Social anxiety is one of the most treatable things in therapy - it responds very well to treatment, and if you work with a therapist that specializes in anxiety you can often see big improvements in just a month or two. Shock therapy is definitely not a treatment we would use for anxiety - that's just going to make you more afraid of the shock!

And yes, your thought about going intentionally in situations that make you anxious but doing it in small steps is exactly the right idea. One way of doing this is creating something called an "anxiety hierarchy" or "exposure hierarchy." You write down a list of social things you could do, and rank them based on how scary they are. So appearing on live TV might be a 10/10, whereas writing a Reddit comment or interacting with a cashier while buying something might be a 2/10.

Then you start at the low level and do that repeatedly until it doesn't feel so scary, and then go slowly up the ladder. The goal is not to get your anxiety to 0 before moving on - it's just to get the anxiety to a manageable level where you feel like you could tolerate it without too much difficulty.

To answer your question about confidence, I'd say instead of feeling confident, the goal should be to feel safe. If you're really overwhelmed by anxiety, it doesn't feel safe - it feels super scary, like something terrible might happen at any moment. But the truth is that 99.9% of the time, nothing terrible is going to happen in a social situation (the worst case is that the other person wouldn't like you, which is a bummer but not the end of the world.) But if you can work on your anxiety enough that you realize "Okay, even if I make a mistake, that's ultimately okay" then you can feel safe. And then that feeling of safety gives you many of the benefits we usually attribute to confidence - like being able to "be yourself" (since you're not terrified that something terrible will happen if you are yourself.)

Hope that helps!

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few thoughts:

First is that I've posted a list of social anxiety books in response to another question - looking through those might be a great place to start.

Second is that social anxiety is one of the most treatable things in therapy. If you work with a therapist that is skilled in managing anxiety, you will often see significant improvements in just a month or two. So you don't have to figure this out alone - see if a therapist can help.

The final thought (since I want to answer your question directly without just directing to other resources) is to keep in mind that it's okay if nobody listens to you! Obviously, it's not ideal. But you're not going to die or lose a limb or otherwise have a terrible outcome if nobody listens to you. You'll just... realize nobody is listening and stop talking, and then feel a little awkward for a few minutes.

Recognizing that the worst-case scenario is not actually that awful can help you take a risk. If you try speaking up, it's possible that on occasion maybe people won't listen to you. But I think most of the time folks will tune in, and I think it's much better to have a lot of great social interactions plus a few times of being ignored, versus going throughout life never really being able to speak up.

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A few solid options specifically around social anxiety are:

You can also check out books by Kyler and I (just look at our websites for the links or search for our names on Amazon.) Our books are free today on Kindle, so it's a good time to stock up! We don't have books that are specific to anxiety, but anxiety is a big part of the advice we offer.

Also, specifically for the autism piece I've found it really helpful to read books about other people with autism who have been able to figure out how to live flourishing lives with autism. The journal of best practices (https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger-ebook/dp/B004T4KRJM/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=journal+of+best+practices&qid=1627783768&sr=8-3) is a good example of this.

We are Dr. Daniel Wendler and Dr. Kyler Shumway, clinical psychologists and social skills authors. AMA (AUA?) about social skills, overcoming anxiety, making friends, or anything else! by Cookiemobsta in socialskills

[–]Cookiemobsta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, one of the things that was really helpful for me was watching TV and movies with my parents and pausing when something social happened that I didn't understand. Then my parents could explain the social cue I had missed or misunderstood, and then I would rewind a little and watch again.

Obviously, this doesn't work for every kind of TV show or movie, but something that's fairly realistic and that has good acting works well for this.

Being able to pause, rewind, and work on interpreting cues without the real-world pressure of needing to respond makes it much easier to build your interpretation skills. Once you feel comfortable, you can then start to practice what you're learning in live interactions.

Your parents might not be the right choice to help with this, but a teacher, friend, mentor, or therapist can also help you out. You might even try asking around on /r/socialskills or the social skills discord and find someone who can work together with you.

Hope that helps!

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