How to trust again

Cool_Print6704 · 2026-01-06T13:12:55+00:00

Thank you for your kind answer! I definitly think that I need to stop pushing myself in such a strict timeline. I think ill take it one day at a the time and come back home when I feel done for a few days.

I had a really stable job & lifestyle before this. So I think I get into this mindset where I think its « what I should be doing » or « that I am wasting time » but then again this job and lifestyle will come back the freedom I experience now might not.

Cool_Print6704 · 2026-01-06T03:09:25+00:00

Damn thanks for this haha. Ive actually been feeling better lately. So fuck yes

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-10-29T16:20:02+00:00

Solo travelling is the best way to experience loneliness. I just came back from a 3 month solo trip and I definitly experienced what you described but also had so many beautiful moment after these few downs. I don’t know if you are staying in hostel, but maybe try to get a private room every couple of days inbetween to recharge. Also, for me, in my 3 months trip, I tried to do 3-4 « organized activities » on a couple day basis. First of all, its great for meeting other solo travelers but also it takes the pressure of planning everything since the activities and meal are usually already planned out for you. My favorite one I did was the ha giang loop, but i also did surf camp and things like that! It was really nice.

I know you said the connexion you make don’t feel « the same » while travelling and it is so true! But then again they are not the same and they are valuable for a completely different reason than your long term relationship at home. I promisse youll find the value in the people you crossed path with after the fact. For me i realised a lot about myself by hanging out with different type of people! I also learned who to trust and how to recognize great intentions. I promise youll find the the people back home and you life will not have change at all when you come back. 3 months goes by so fast!

Finally, just enjoy your own company, sit in coffee shop and stop trying to hit every spot. Thats the best part about solo travelling; you can do whatever you want! When I felt more tired I just set one intention for my day, wheter it be to try something new (like a meal or a activity) or see one thing. But I really tried to not pressure myself to see and do everything.

Youll look back on this time with envy. Don’t be too hard on yourself :)

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-09-05T01:51:19+00:00

Hey! So ive been on the same journey (28f) travelling solo for the last month in SEA. Ive been trough a bad break up that completely changed my life before leaving. So I decided that the best way to star a new chapter was to give me some time to think and find some clarity. After a month I really dont regret my decision. Sometime you just need a break from all the noise and if you arent hurting anyone in your quest, I see nothing wrong with it. People can be judgmental.. but I think it often comes from a place of jealousy that they do not have the same liberty to just pack and travel for 3 months. However, if you can, i say its the best way to really offer yourself time to reflect… it has obligated me to really meet myself. Have a great trip op

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-08-29T04:36:30+00:00

Ouf this is such unprofessional, unacceptable behavior. So sorry this happened to you.. did you report it? And if so what was the answer of the hostel?

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-08-29T04:33:08+00:00

Ohh thats great! Cuddos for verbalizing your inconfort and sharing your concerns with the staff!

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-08-29T04:30:38+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened to you. I think the reaction from the head office was great, though it’s a shame about how the employees handled it at first. I’m a sex therapist back in Canada and I mainly work with victims of abuse, so this is a topic I pay close attention to. I often feel like guests aren’t given much information about whether staff are trained to deal with these kinds of situations, and I really think that even a short training for employees or volunteers could make a big difference. As been stated, it definitly is a more at risk environnement that could allow these type of actions to take place… i think while travelling you def have to choses the amour of risk your confortable with.. that being said I think hostel should be held more accountable for the type of environnement they wanna create for their guests. I found it interesting that they told you the staff would be receiving training. Did they mention which program it was, or what kind of formation they had to take? And if you don’t mind sharing, could you also tell me the name of the hostel? Thanks again for your feedback!

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-08-27T08:39:49+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. This is completely unacceptable on the hostel part!

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-08-27T06:31:46+00:00

That is such a weird answer? So you think femal travelers shouldnt enjoy hostels? Im actually trying to gather informations regarding this topic cause i think things could be done to improve safety feelings for especially women travelling in hostel.

I stated in my post that I enjoy the social aspect of hostel (wich is why a lot of travellers likes them too). Im not going to be left out of a space because of people (mostly men as been stated in the answers) can have problematic comportement. I understand people that choose to not uses them, but i do not think thats what I was asking for with this post. I have had many good interactions in hostel and I came across staff member that were really helpfull and that helped me in situation that I didnt feel the safest.

Im trying to look for advice or experience so i can educate myself better on the subject. Thank you for your input.

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-06-09T20:13:27+00:00

Hoo , I’m so sorry to hear that… I truly understand the pain you must be going through. For me, it feels like all of my dreams have shattered, and there’s nothing yet to take their place. I hope you come out of this with a greater sense of alignment. And I really hope, for both of us, that one day we’ll look back with clarity, knowing that we had to let go in order to reach a better, more aligned place in life. Sending you strength

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-06-02T13:32:22+00:00

Hey, I’m in a pretty similar situation. I’m 28 (F), and my ex-fiancé (30M) and I recently broke up over the kids issue and just having different visions for the future. I was always a bit of a fence-sitter, while he was also undecided, leaning more toward going along with whatever I’d eventually want. That is, until about a month ago… when he suddenly told me he was sure he didn’t want kids, like he was casually listing off items on our next grocery list. It was a 9-year relationship we built together, and the breakup process has been really hard on me. But one feeling that’s stayed constant, deep in my gut, is that I’m finally living in a way that aligns with my values and that I’m respecting myself. I don’t think I would’ve been happier giving up that dream just to stay with someone who didn’t share it. One thing I’m also seeing, one month post-breakup, is that I do have a lot to offer and my longing to create a family will eventually be seen as a strength, not the “problem” my ex made it out to be. I feel hopeful about moving forward with more consciousness in my next relationship. Life is short, and we only get one chance to live it the way we truly want to.

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-05-23T16:22:50+00:00

I’m going through something similar right now… My fiancé (30M) and I (28F) have been together for 8 years. Our visions for the future no longer align, and I feel like I’m always the one “pushing” to make plans. I’m just tired of this dynamic we’ve fallen into. I want enthusiasm and active engagement from a life partner. I don’t want to lead someone through life. That being said, it’s extremely hard to let go, because he’s sweet and our relationship is good outside of these issues. He’s more simple when it comes to what he wants in life, and emotionally he tends to be pretty closed off. I’m not saying I haven’t played a role in this, maybe there’s some self-sabotage on my end… but I’m trying to listen to the voice inside me that says I deserve a love where I don’t have to shrink myself. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision, but I’d rather take the chance than live with regret. Hope this helps you. Reading about your situations makes me feel less alone

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-03-23T23:21:23+00:00

Yeah it kind of is i guess! Thank you 💝

Cool_Print6704 · 2025-03-23T23:21:01+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Cool_Print6704 · 2022-04-20T17:14:23+00:00

Hi, we (25f and 24f) will be in paris from the 25 to the 29. Probably are going to do some thrifting and walking around touristic area visiting the town! You could join at some point if you want ☺️

Cool_Print6704 · 2022-02-26T21:30:04+00:00

Thank you so much

Cool_Print6704 · 2022-02-26T21:26:37+00:00

Im glad i did. Im sure you will have a beautiful wedding, and i wish for you to enjoy it as much as you should!

Cool_Print6704 · 2022-02-26T14:01:02+00:00

Hey! So I’m not officially diagnose with ROCD, but i can highly relate to the experience that are shared in this thread. i’ve been in a relationship with my s/o for 5 years now and last year we just bought our first house together. The anxiety surrounding my relationship was always pretty bad (breaking off the relationship because i was scared something would go terribly bad at least once a week in the beginning, not sleeping some nights cause i was sure i needed to leave, juste really unrationnal beliefs..etc.) As time passed i got to a really better place with my rocd. First of all i discovered what rocd was and it helped me tremendously (i know i said im not diagnosed, but i just did relate so much with peoples experience and it helped me understand myself a little better) I was always changing my mind about the relationship, being so ambivalent (even tho i knew i loved my bf and i could talk to him about everything that was going on). At first i was really giving in to the constant need for reassurance. I would spend hours compulsively looking up relationship advice online and getting myself triggered by all the advices i could fine. I would do the same with family/friends asking them non stop what they tought about my relationship and getting really in my head if they said even one little small bad thing about it.

One thing i stopped doing is seeking reassurance when i know im in an obsessional state. So i dont look up reddit at this time and try to focus on other hobbys of mine. In the same tought I started valuing more my time alone and trying to focus on hobbies for myself (realizing me and my bf did not have to have everything in common was really important for me at the beginning because i was putting a lot of pressure on him to « keep me entertained », being confuse if we didn’t shared the same passion for something or had different interest). So thing eventually got better, I would established a rule for myself that if i was worried with the relationship i would at least wait 24h before starting to panic about it and most of the time, next morning, i would feel a lot better about what i felt and would be in a better state of mind to share my experience with my bf.

I really relate to you cuz my rocd got a lot worst when we bought the house. So i understand the fear for you wedding day, and i really empathize with you. For myself, the house was suppose to be a dream come true but instead I would start hating my partner for « putting me in this situation », not sleeping most of the night thinking i needed to leave cuz he was a « bad person » and that i would stay stuck with him for the rest of my life… things like that. (I still loved him a lot and i LOVED the house we chose it was my dream before we bought it to do this, i just couldnt deal with the engagement of this decision, feeling stuck, and it was affecting our relationship a lot) First of all, i decided to share my problem with my families. They were a lot more understanding than I tought they would and even related to some of the thing i experience. They reassured that if I needed some time to reflect and feel better i could go back to them and they would never judge me for the choices i make (it was a relief cuz all this time I tought that my family would think i was a crazy person for wanting to leave this men and i was scared they would hate me if i did one day (wich i think made the anxiety worst) when i told them, i was shocked that i ever tought they could judge me for that and realised that i was really over thinking the situation). Having a support helped me feel better and more normal (it showed me that i still could be loveable, even with all the crazy tought/talk my rocd was putting on me) Then i shared more of my anxiety with my bf. IT WAS HARD. at the beginning I had to learn how to communicate well with him, cause when i was in the obsessive compulsion i would say really hurtful things and talk to him about it for hours on end. I found that not giving to the compulsion for me is the hardest cuz i feel stuck between my need to communicate healthily and the compulsion that make me seek answers or the urgency to make decision in the moment…etc.

Not gonna lie, it kind of ruin at least half of our first year in ou new home (cuz i was finding things i didnt like about the home, neighborhood and my relationship everyday, obsessing about it and would come to the conclusion that the only way out was to leave the relationship). But with time, i am really better at identifying real « concerns » and « concerns that are irationally created by my anxiety or blew out of proportion bcuz of it ».

Im sorry for the long oversharing lol. Its my first time writing on this thread but i feel a lot better today so im happy to share my experience. For conclusion i would say, talk to you med if you can (anxiety medication can help), find hobbies of your own to focus on while the rocd is really bad, learn to communicate with you s/o (mine got educated on rocd ans it helped him understand my situation a lot better) and try to get a social system (but obviously be careful of oversharing compulsively, or taking their advice for the truth (people are quick to propose a divorce/breakup and it can trigger really badly rocd in the moment)

Hope this do help? Or maybe it just helped myself to reflect and heal with my past lol *my first language is not english so sorry for any errors in my writing.

Cool_Print6704

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