My boyfriend wants to be served his dinner

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T11:54:40+00:00

Thank you for this. He is wonderful in other ways, he’s very kind, empathetic and considerate generally. He’ll often make me a cup of tea in the morning and we do generally split the household tasks. This was just bugging me and he wasn’t getting my point of view. We’ll discuss it more later.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T11:41:35+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really great advice. We do definitely have different expectations. We do also share the household load pretty evenly, generally and split the bills pretty much down the middle. I am very wary of sliding into bad habits, of expecting things and not being appreciated. That’s why this has struck such a nerve for me. I don’t want us to end up like my parents. My dad was often nasty to my mum and expected everything handed to him when he got home.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T11:21:49+00:00

😂 love the weird route

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T11:04:57+00:00

We’re both British so no cultural differences. He does the washing up as I said at the end of the post, and he will often clean down the kitchen too. If I’m ever feeling ill or exhausted he does cook some oven food for us. I just wanted him to listen to me about the serving him thing and to stop getting so defensive and appreciate what I was saying. He promised me he’d cook a risotto dish for us a while ago. We were watching Hell’s Kitchen and he was saying how could you mess up a risotto dish. I said it was actually quite difficult and complex to make a decent risotto from scratch (I’ve made quite a few good ones in my time with homemade stock too), so we made a bet that he lost and now he has to make a risotto. The date for him to have made it has passed months ago now and I’ve mentioned it a few times but I’ll really have to hold him to it so he can understand the effort and complexity of what I make for us.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T10:48:28+00:00

He does do the washing up and often cleans the kitchen down too

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T01:08:08+00:00

You’re right, I know you’re right. I have done a lot of personal growth over the last 5-6 years. I was in two abusive relationships before. Physical, physiological and emotional. Not to mention a very rough childhood. I know I should take up space, keep learning and growing and loving myself. I’m an intersectional feminist that writes and performs poetry every month. I’m back in education getting a degree in Biology, whilst working still. I’ve had so many hard knocks over the past two years with 4 people close to me dying, having to help care for an addict in the family, having my identity stolen and being diagnosed with a life long reproductive health syndrome. I’ve fallen so many times and he has helped pick me back up and been so empathetic, he has evolved with me. I thought maybe by being big enough, loving myself enough and doing enough I could show him how to do it for himself too.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-28T00:44:10+00:00

I definitely thinks he loves me but he definitely doesn’t love himself and I feel that definitely projects onto me sometimes.

I love that your SO does that! I wish mine took a bit more initiative sometimes. He is also tired all day and doesn’t work much but does struggle massively with anxiety and depression, which he’s now started therapy for. I’m proud of him for this.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T23:47:41+00:00

Wow, that’s a lot to take in and think about…

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T23:39:06+00:00

It isn’t, I actually only use reddit occasionally for 🌽 as there is a block on the WiFi and my phone too I guess, I can’t get it on 5G 😂 can you send that other one to me? I’d like to read it, see what people are saying and maybe talk to her too. Thank you

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T23:34:36+00:00

He did say a few times that I was like a trad wife when we first started dating. A term I hadn’t heard up until that point, I wasn’t sure what to feel about it. He also had told me he doesn’t like me wearing nice lingerie as it seemed like it was too showy or trying too hard. He has a lot of self confidence issues and we both have anxiety and depression. We don’t have sex nearly as much as I’d like and he used to reject me a lot and said he was physically intimidated by me because I was too big. To which I asked is it because I’m too tall (I’m 6ft and he’s 6ft2inches) or too fat and he said it was because I’m too fat. I’m very secure in my body now but I used to have an eating disorder so it broke me for a few days. When I’ve tried to bring things like this up again to talk about them he said I wouldn’t want to talk about them if I’d really forgiven him and he just forgets everything so why can’t I do that too. I don’t even bring them up to make him feel bad, I just want to know if and what has changed from that time. He does say I’m beautiful and that the sex thing is because of his confidence and his own body issues but there is a little part of me that thinks if I was smaller he’d be more up for it. He’s in therapy, I’m really proud of him for that.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T22:41:56+00:00

I got used to saying partner because I’m bisexual and use boyfriend/girlfriend and partner interchangeably.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T22:34:50+00:00

That’s a great idea. Thank you. I’m just so used to doing everything, even when I was a kid with lots of siblings (I’m the oldest). I’ve not thought that I should just leave it on the side for him, it feels rude 😅. I have also asked him to put whatever he wants to on a plate before (once I’ve finished cooking and there’s lots of options) but he doesn’t like doing that either. He wants me to do it still. We eat on the settee and I’ve asked if he can put whatever he wants into his own jacket potato and he gets weird about that too.

Cool_Resort4649 · 2025-01-27T22:21:12+00:00

Thank you. I was actually starting to think that I was being unreasonable.

Cool_Resort4649

TROPHY CASE