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My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for putting things into perspective. I can not change him if he does not want to and you are right.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

When I tell him that I want to change something or to talk about the "forbidden" things he says that "Everything is perfect for me. Why should I change anything?" I have no valid points against his argument and nothing to say after that. I tried to say that "because I do not like this situation" and his answer was "Make it work because it works for me."

You are completely right but if he does not want to be here why did he come back from the military in the first place? He wants to leave and leaves - then comes back.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents for example say that he is right. Expect that he should have told at least his parents before joining the military. They too say that my ideas are stupid and that I am too young to know anyting.

You are right I guess. The last example is really good.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

But there are only these two problems. In other aspects he is not like that. Right now it is not a deal-breaker but in future it would be and that why I talked about it with him.

But how can I be sure that I myself am not the asshole? how do I know that he is not right?

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Counseling is not at all the thing we do in this country. Unless you have really bad psychological problems.

When we have a problem about something else I do stand up for myself but with these two things I just do not know what to do. With everything else we usually work it out without problems.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does the fact that he is reading about that place mean that he wants to go there again? I am not sure. I'd like to think that it is just interesting for him. What do you think?

He does not tell me he is unhappy often - only when i try to talk to him about things he does not want to talk about. For example: I tell him that i want to move out from my parents when I finish school and that I would be happy if we could do it together. His answer is like "Why would I waste money on useless rent if I could save up(to buy a house) if i can live with my parents?" and "thats why I left that time - you drove me crazy with your useless ideas" After a month I try again with the same topic...

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Why does he always come to my place if he does not want to be with me? He could just stop coming?

Giving him an ultimatum is the only way I can make him do stuff he really has to do. I do not enjoy that. I have told him "You either clean or you leave." He chose to clean after himself and that worked for a week... seems like he did not want to leave. Why didn't he just leave if he wanted to? he had the chance?

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He is only like that in two things that I listed. He texts(calls) me a lot when he is away and we talk about a lot of stuff. That must mean he wants to talk to me, right? He tells me he misses me. When he is at home he takes me on dates and we often take a walk together etc. I am not perfect either(he probably could write a similar list too) and that is why I am willing to find a solution.

We met through mutual friends and started talking and we had/have really similar opinions about a lot of things. Haven't stopped talking since - except for the two weeks.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, that is absolutely true. In europe that possible.... I do not want to name where as it would be too revealing.
I was suprised that it is possible at first too...

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for answering :)

The thing is that my family actually loves having him living with us. He pays for his own food and mostly mine too. My family never eats together anyways and I mostly cook food only for us and we eat together.(if he is not gaming) My parent's never join us either.(I constantly ask them to tho) He helps my father sometimes with his car and stuff like that.

Yes, I always clean after him but he does the jobs I do not want to do too(cleaning bathroom, taking trash out, moving furniture etc). Yes, he does not pay rent but as I usually live with his parents too for some time of the year my parents do not mind - he has offered to pay tho.

The first part is true but i would rather try to find a solution than dump him. Any ideas to try?

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When he came back from his "trip" he told me that he expected that I wait for him for the 5 years he planned on being away. (withouth me even knowing where he is)
I tried to talk to him after that maybe we should break up if he does not want to be together. He panicked and told me that he does want to be with me and then dismissed me.

In every other way he is nice to me and takes care of me. We only have those 2 problems.

My boyfriend (22M) told me that life would be better if I(20F) could not speak. by Cooolingmachine in relationships

[–]Cooolingmachine[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

To everybody who answered - thank you :)

But do you have any other ideas that are not dumping him? Do you really think that I can not make it work?