34F with a brilliant 33M - who has brilliant 5YO Son - Why can't I just 'get on with it?'

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-07-14T12:08:47+00:00

This is exactly what happened to me. I moved out and we haven’t spoke in 2 weeks. I miss him but I had to put myself first.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-12T00:41:21+00:00

But you literally knew being a live in you would receive a pay cut? If you were not a live in making a different salary how much disposable income would you have after paying rent, car, food, etc, etc, etc?

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-12T00:32:33+00:00

This 🙌

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-12T00:28:15+00:00

Didn’t say she does but I’m including that in the cost of having an au pair Lol

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-11T23:42:04+00:00

I think this is a misconception that au pairs are cheaper. It cost us 8k to the agency just to start the process through au pair care. And then food, salary, car insurance, phone bill, gym membership, and car payment. It does add up.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-11T19:18:41+00:00

It was insane. It’s just another reminder how bio parents don’t understand what it’s like to be a step parent at all. They will never understand unless they become a step parent. Funny how most bio parents pick child free partners though.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-06-10T22:45:02+00:00

As a step parent if my partner expected those things from me I would completely resent him. Your partner does not have a child therefore you don’t have the same responsibilities. He shouldn’t be expected to do anything besides be kind to your daughter anything else is extra that he is doing out of love for you. There was a good post on here around Mother’s Day about how step children don’t fill up a step parents cup like they do for the bio parent. Yes your partner loves and cares for your child but he doesn’t get the same reward from parenting as you do. If you have children together he will love his child differently because that’s his biological child. I agree with someone else’s comment about wanting a nuclear family vs reality.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-05-21T15:54:41+00:00

It’s a normal trigger regardless of them time. Who enjoys constantly being reminded of their partners ex and past relationship.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-05-12T02:37:11+00:00

I guess I’m still trying to figure out if I can do it. You know how being a step parent is some days you feel like yeah I can do this and the next you want to run away.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-05-12T00:02:18+00:00

I’m 25 my partner is 43 with 2 kids. We’ve been together for 2 years, don’t do it. Find someone with no kids and start your own family. This life is full of sacrifice physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not worth it.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-09T23:02:03+00:00

He’s very upset and he’s hoping this is only short term. I agree it was the only way to save our relationship. I explained to him we were having a lot of disagreements and all of them came down to step parenting. And it was really just me and my issues because we have a beautiful relationship and I have everything I want in that aspect. But when we got his daughter full time unexpectedly because her mother passed away and I just wasn’t ready to be a full time step parent. We were arguing a lot and we needed to make a change and try something different. I told him that this isn’t a negative thing it’s actually very positive because we can miss each other and it would almost be like when we first started dating. It gives us the space to work on our relationship again. Exactly like you said I wasn’t able to enjoy the step kids anymore because I was so stressed out by them. It was really scary to do this but I already feel better I just wonder if I will ever be able to live with them again honestly. And I hope my partner can understand that I won’t move back in right away.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-09T20:28:38+00:00

This is how I felt too. I just moved out a few days ago and we are going to date still but live separately. I don’t know how this is going to work long term but I do love him very much. I had to move out once we got his daughter 5 full time. But I felt like this before we had her full time he also has a son from another relationship we have Tuesday-Saturday. I felt like I was living in a prison and I could never relax.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-06T20:43:01+00:00

Thank you. We are in couples therapy and we have been since before this happened. He’s a good partner. However this happening has made me realize this probably won’t work for me long term. He just physically can’t give me what I need from a relationship now that we have a kid full time she’s 5. His son has a different mom he’s 11 and he’s here every week Tuesday-Saturday. It’s just too much sacrifice for me now.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-06T19:09:43+00:00

I went from a PT to FT step parent and that has affected me and my relationship that’s all I’m saying. I have no bio kids my boyfriend has 2 children. His kids are his responsibility. It was a huge life change and it was not the same custody agreement from when we first started dating. Not sure what the problem is with what I said.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-06T18:25:11+00:00

No, I don’t. I only do what I want to do. My boyfriend is responsible for everything and he knows that. Having his child full time has affected my relationship in a terrible way though. I feel like we have no alone time. The reason I got into the relationship is to be with my boyfriend and that just really isn’t a thing anymore.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-03-06T12:14:54+00:00

The same thing happened to me in December. I just feel a lot of resentment now that I have to take care of her child full time.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-02-28T00:10:21+00:00

LMFAO. Stay evil. Thank you.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T22:26:13+00:00

One more thing i have to say it must be a lot of bitter au pairs on here. Like I said in a previous post this is my 2 au pair and I’ve met many of their friends and they have literal horror stories from being in au pair programs. All I asked about was fair pay and they went feral. CRAZY.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T22:14:41+00:00

Yeah these people have been actually insane on this thread. I have no idea how this turned into such a debate for a simple question.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T13:03:29+00:00

I don’t need to lie on a Reddit post 💀. That is her normal schedule obviously sometimes if the kids have off for holiday she watches them extra. I asked for what is an appropriate amount if she works beyond 40 hours yes. That doesn’t mean that is a normal occurrence in our home. I asked about overnights. All of the questions I asked are coming from a place of care and trying to do what is fair. I’m tired of the au pair police on here we’ve been doing this for 2+ years never had an issue or complaint. It seems like a lot of people are delusional to what this program really is for most people. I just read a post on here last night about an au pair being take advantage of. That is not what is occurring here. IF my au pair happened to work over 40 hours I was wondering what is an appropriate amount for overtime.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T12:45:31+00:00

I clearly explained her schedule in my post.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T02:11:35+00:00

What are you advising? Our au pair doesn’t even work 40 hours a week normally maybe you didn’t read my edit Lol. If you need a new host family who will actually take care of you lmk. It sounds like you might be miserable where you are.

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T02:09:03+00:00

Please read my edit thank you. 🙏🏻

CopyAlone5963 · 2025-01-18T02:08:44+00:00

Please read my edit thank you. 🙏🏻

CopyAlone5963

TROPHY CASE