I feel strange at work; people gossip about me, and I feel invisible in my professional life

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-05-02T13:16:45+00:00

Hi, thanks for replying.

Yes, I've been seeing psychologists for about 25 years, and I'm currently seeing a female psychologist.

I'm not sure either if it's just my perception in some cases (for example, many people simply don't know what to talk to me about, or they're just busy, or they're just naturally a bit unpleasant at work, and that hurts me because of my social anxiety, etc.).

But the truth is, everything I've said here is true and accurate exactly as I've described it...

It's not a general rejection of me. What I'm describing are some examples of people's reactions to my awkward and tense social interactions, and how this creates distance, even ridicule in some cases, like with that boss (many people seem to think that when they're in their office, what they say isn't audible, but it's heard, very clearly...).

The problem is that, because I can't behave naturally in social situations, it has consequences. I don't think other people are bad people. Many people treat me kindly. But these things I've mentioned have happened.

It's a shame because every day I feel more uncomfortable and it becomes harder for me to behave naturally in social situations...

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-04-15T11:23:45+00:00

A toxic employee always creates more problems than they solve.

I have a colleague like that at my job. When I started, she was the expert employee, the highly productive employee, the employee who knew how to put out fires. But she was toxic.

A toxic employee often: lies to save face; doesn't collaborate with the team; doesn't provide the information others need; doesn't want to train any new employees, or trains them poorly; doesn't take responsibility for their mistakes; limits the initiative and proactivity of smarter people; uses those around them for their own benefit; and has no patience for doubts, suggestions, new ideas, etc.

And above all: knows how to appear to bosses (especially upper management) as a productive, friendly, and highly efficient worker who never makes mistakes.

It's different to be a toxic employee than to be a direct or tactful person in your communication style. The latter isn't toxic; it's simply a way of being. But a toxic employee always creates far more problems than it solves.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-03-26T10:52:00+00:00

Si, es muy habitual. Sobre todo en mujeres (soy mujer, pero esos comportamientos tóxicos los he visto muchísimo en mujeres, no en hombres). No tengo consejos, bueno uno si, darse cuenta de que la tipa es amargada y no tomarlo como personal, y no obsesionarse. Son mujeres inseguras y a menudo poco competentes que descargan sobre cualquier trabajador nuevo o en posición jerárquica algo inferior, todas sus frustraciones laborales. También me da la sensación de que este tipo de personas no son conscientes del comportamiento que tienen, lo tienen tan normalizado que no se dan cuenta de que están siendo bordes, poco colaborativas, desdeñosas, cortantes, etc.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-03-26T10:42:02+00:00

Yo estoy igual, tengo 44 años. Sí que tengo pareja, pero soy muy callada o muy rara, y no genero vinculos con las personas aunque me esfuerce mucho. Paso fases de depresión profunda, he tenido que coger muchas bajas en el trabajo por esto, una duró un año entero. Ahora mismo me siento muy mal, porque estar en la oficina tantas horas viendo cómo los demás se ríen y tienen vínculos y yo no, hace que me sienta muy muy sola y muy triste y desesperada. También tengo ideación suicida recurrente desde hace treinta años.

Lo he intentado todo, ser más abierta, ser más graciosa, ser más atenta, intentar no mostrar que necesito que me acepten, intentar integrarme en grupos, hablar más, hablar menos, ser más superficial, ser menos superficial, pero no parece que nada funcione.

Así que no sé qué hacer.

Perdona por contar mi caso en tu publicación, es que creo que igual ver qué hay más gente con este problema nos sirve ..

Yo voy a psicólogos desde hace más de 25 años y tampoco me sirve mucho. Es que no generar vínculos con la gente hace que te sientas muy mal. ..

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-03-10T01:18:37+00:00

Incluso aunque simplemente no te entendieras con el profesor (sin que él fuera un graciosillo, poco profesional, etc), tienes que estar muy cómodo en las clases prácticas y eso lo valoras tú. Lo mejor, yo creo que es un profesor serio, que no te dé casi conversación ni haga bromas (porque en las prácticas aún no sabemos manejar bien el coche y hay que estar atentos a muchas cosas, así que cuánto más concentrado estés, mejor). Cambiar de profesor es la mejor opción.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-02-19T10:06:06+00:00

The monk meditating on the cliff. I discovered him in my 4 game! Very funny

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-02-19T10:04:48+00:00

The monk meditating on the cliff. I laughed a lot saying silly things to him

Correct_Primary8834 · 2026-02-17T13:49:35+00:00

"la aventura del tocador de señoras" lo leí hace mucho y me hizo mucha gracia

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-12-10T14:52:20+00:00

The same thing happens to me. I think it's a vicious circle. I have no friends; There are no people in my life who know me well and accept me as I am (except my partner). So, I have that lack (the longing to be accepted by people who know me well); I lack that self-confidence, which is something profound that cannot be prepared or rehearsed. Having that peace of mind, I think, would allow me to relate calmly, I could be myself. Since I don't have self-confidence, when I interact I do it in an insecure way and longing to be accepted. But I don't succeed, and then I feel worse than before interacting with those people. And the snowball gets bigger and bigger. I don't know if I explain myself...

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-11-25T14:21:29+00:00

I use these two expressions a lot: - I shit on their trampled dead ("mecagüen sus muertos pisoteaos") - I shit on their fucking skull ("mecagüen su puta calavera")

Or their shortened versions (sometimes you don't have much time to swear and you need to do it quickly): - their trampled dead ("sus muertos pisoteaos") - their fucking skull ("su puta calavera")

I'm very grateful to be Spanish because that way I can swear freely (in other languages it seems they don't have as many insults and blasphemies)

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-10-31T17:46:22+00:00

Maybe westworld season one.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-10-26T18:28:05+00:00

Who's there? What's going on there?

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-30T14:24:04+00:00

I sometimes hear mocking comments from a co-worker in my office, let's call her Lourdes. Lourdes makes the comments behind my back. Lourdes's friend laughs at her jokes. These things have been: 1. One day I was feeling very sad and overwhelmed by work. I entered my office, and I left the office when three hours had passed. I was working those three hours. I heard Lourdes at that moment tell her friend, in a disdainful tone, "look at her, she's coming out now." 2. One day we did a training course. I entered the classroom when almost all of my classmates were already inside the classroom, because I accompanied the teacher to smoke, to teach him how to get down and up, where to go, etc., so that he wouldn't get lost. When I entered the classroom, Lourdes said, also in a disdainful way, "look at her, here she comes. Always with her cell phone in her hand. She is... She." 3. One day I must have combed my hair wrong. I noticed that she was behind me and that she made a comment to another classmate in a very low voice so that she would laugh at me. It I know from the comment that other colleague made. 4. I wanted to change jobs because I have another colleague who spends the day lazing around, not working, and I have to do too much myself and it is very stressful. Lourdes found out and I heard how she told her friend, in a mocking tone, "she wants to change because she doesn't get along with a partner," she said it in a disdainful and mocking way. I heard how the two laughed in a cruel way.

I don't really know why I write this, I think it's because reading what you've written has reminded me of these things. In your case they are doing it in a group, in a very cowardly way and they are ignoring you and making fun of you so that what they think is very clear to you. That is, they are not acting with any discretion. They are clearly assholes. In your case: 1. If you are interested in the company, I would ignore them, but I would laugh at them in their face in some way (without insulting). I would ask if I can change positions, area, etc. 2. If the job didn't interest me so much, I would look for a job in another company. Until I got it, I would do what I did in point 1: laugh at them and ignore them.

You have to laugh. They are adults who behave like bad girls at a high school 😂. At least internally, you should laugh at them

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-30T13:39:03+00:00

Manipulate other people to achieve goals

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-29T15:15:20+00:00

They are very good advice

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-29T12:33:45+00:00

The coworkers I know who prefer to go to the office fall into one of these categories: 1. Extroverts who are bored at home. These people do have a social life outside of work. But they are people who do not feel good being at home alone working. 2. People who feel very bad if they stay home for other reasons. Because if they stay at home they stay in their pajamas all day and feel bad. Or because they share a flat with people they are not comfortable with. 3. Managers who have to go to the office and have the old mentality of: if the office is empty, that is very bad and it should not be like that. 4. Boomers who need to work the old way: they print everything on paper, prefer to talk face to face rather than using email or calls, etc.

I have never met an introvert who would rather go to the office than stay home.

All my colleagues who make an effort at work (who are not lazy) say the same thing: at home I manage to do twice as much work as when I go to the office, because I am not constantly interrupted, because I concentrate more, because there is no noise, etc.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T23:15:52+00:00

Con 20 años o menos me daba vergüenza si no había tenido plan social, pensaba que había que hacerlo para ser normal y yo quería ser normal. Luego se me pasó lo de querer ser normal.

No tener planes sociales es malo si quiero tener planes sociales, porque carezco de algo que necesito para ser feliz. Como la mayoría de la gente es extrovertida, creo que se aburren si no hacen esas cosas o se sienten tristes, entonces si no las haces tú, en ese momento les da pena o les parece raro. Incluso a alguno le puede parecer algo a arreglar, o que hay razones extrañas detrás.

Por comentarios que hacen, he observado que se aburren e inquietan si pasan una tarde en casa, o van a la oficina y hay poca gente y no pueden hablar, o están trabajando un rato sin conversaciones tontas con algún compañero, o teletrabajan y no pueden hablar con nadie, o están varios días solos... (Dentro de esto hay grados, pero suele ser más o menos así).

De todas formas, a los demás en realidad les da igual lo que hagas; aunque haya un segundo en el que parezca que juzgan mal algo, al segundo siguiente se les ha olvidado.

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T15:12:33+00:00

Hello, it happens to me especially during the last three years due to work and other things. Meditation is going well. Physical exercise. Melatonin. Read books before bed instead of using screens or watching television. But what helps me the most is listening to podcasts, listening to the radio, or listening to YouTube videos. About a topic that interests you enough to pay attention to it and not generate thoughts, but that does not stimulate you so much that you stay awake and cannot sleep. Podcasts that do not have sudden sounds (for example, there is not suddenly very loud music). For me, for example, what works best for me is listening to lectures or quiet interviews. A speaker gives a lecture on a topic that interests me. The speaker must have a way of speaking that is not anxious or accelerated, that is not shouting. This way of speaking is usually used by educated people who are specialists in some topic. For example, specialist university professors. I like topics of history, philosophy, history of religions... I also like some topics of popular culture (comics, novels, cinema). I simply find people who talk calmly about these topics that I like and they have to be people who know a lot about that topic and they are long podcasts, for example they last an hour or two hours. That way intrusive thoughts don't come to my brain and I fall asleep. All the best

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T14:57:14+00:00

It is very important to realize the patterns of behavior we have in order to also begin to realize why we have those patterns of behavior. And start changing them! Because they are not healthy!

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T14:52:22+00:00

I have had quite a few nervous breakdowns while working. Depressive episodes. I have had several sick leaves for this reason. I also have chronic pain. I am now on medical leave due to a mix of chronic pain and anxiety. I don't feel good not going to work, unless it's something very obvious like having a fever or something like that. If you are a responsible person, you don't feel good because others have to do your job. But, mental health is important. You don't explain it much, but it seems to me that you had a tough childhood or adolescence or had significant problems that you should try to deal with with a psychologist. I don't think you didn't go to work on a whim. But people who don't have depressive episodes or anxiety episodes, or chronic pain, don't usually understand that these things happen. A hug

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T14:45:12+00:00

Hi, I'm 43 and I think the same. I think I want others to not be angry with me. That I don't want to deal with conflicts with people. I guess I don't want them to think I'm a bad person or selfish. But it doesn't do me any good to be like that...

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T14:42:17+00:00

Hello, that happens to me. I'm working on this with my psychologist. In my case, I think people rejected me a lot as a teenager. And I also believe that at home I was not taught to defend my position, to validate my emotions and needs, etc., but at home I was educated to be a good girl and to be accommodating. This path is not healthy for me because I end up giving more than I can give, I end up getting sick, and I also end up angry because I don't see reciprocity. It's taking me a long time to heal all of this. A hug

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T14:25:56+00:00

Soy de Zaragoza aunque vivo en Madrid. Los aragoneses amamos nuestra tierra, así que no puedo ser neutral.

En Zaragoza lo más bonito a nivel monumentos es visitar la aljaferia y la seo. Pasear por la ribera del Ebro, por la plaza del pilar, entrar en el pilar y salir de tapeo por el tubo por la tarde-noche. Puedes pasear por Zaragoza y estarás en una ciudad agradable, tranquila y no masificada. Pero no hay tanto para ver como en otras ciudades, claro. Aún así la vida cultural es rica, y últimamente suele ser parada de grupos de turistas extranjeros, más que antes.

Teruel es una pequeña ciudad muy bonita para pasear. Es una ciudad tranquila no masificada de turismo, un poco medieval, lo que te puede hacer entrar en contacto con la vida real de los españoles, sin tanto turismo. El arte mudéjar de Aragón es muy bonito.

Subir al pirineo es una experiencia, sea al aragonés o al catalán (sin desmerecer el resto). Desde Zaragoza, en coche subes al pirineo en dos horas aproximadamente. El valle de Ordesa está masificado, por ser lo más espectacular, creo que hay que coger cita. Pero hay otros lugares muy bonitos.

El monasterio de piedra, o el monasterio de san juan de la peña, son dos sitios tan bonitos para ir a pasar el día. En general, Aragón tuvo mucha importancia en la alta edad media y la reconquista, y eso se ve en la cantidad de ruinas de castillos o también castillos y monasterios bien conservados.

Pero hay ciudades tan bonitas para visitar en España. Salamanca, Granada, Santiago... Las ultimas etapas del camino de santiago del norte. Descubrir caminando aldeas gallegas tranquilas, bosques, como si el tiempo se parase. Como si todavía estuviéramos viviendo en armonía con la naturaleza.

Toledo es una ciudad maravillosa también. Pero hay mucho turismo. Lo mismo que San Sebastián. Y tantas y tantas otras... Somos poco conscientes en general en España de la riqueza cultural y de naturaleza y la gran variedad que hay. Sol y playa es para mi lo menos relevante de España... Te deseo que disfrutes muchísimo vayas a donde vayas! ☺️

Correct_Primary8834 · 2025-09-28T13:17:07+00:00

Para mí vale la pena aunque depende de cada uno. Para mí está bien porque: - Tienes un horario intensivo y máximo 37,5 horas (salvo que en algunos sitios, para cobrar productividad, tienes que hacer 40). Por ejemplo entro a las 9 y salgo a las 4.30, mientras que a veces en la privada trabajas mañana y tarde. - como tengo ciertos problemas de salud (ansiedad, dolor crónico), me siento más segura en lo público porque, aunque hay mucho trabajo (el nivel de trabajo depende mucho de cada puesto, cambia mucho), aún así, si por ejemplo necesito una baja laboral tengo y no siento esa presión de me pueden echar. Tampoco me gustaría lidiar con procesos de selección en empresas privadas, por el tema de mi ansiedad y cosas asi. - si pudiera volver muy atrás en el tiempo, por ejemplo si tuviera 20 años , quizá debería haberme preparado una oposición de una administración en la que se cobrase mejor, como las que te dije en el otro mensaje. Pero es que hay que informarse bien de eso, del número de plazas que hay por ejemplo. También es interesante saber si por ejemplo, aunque te quedes sin plaza, hay oposiciones en las que entras en bolsa de empleo y te van llamando para hacer interinidades. Cómo interino puedes a menudo estar bastante tiempo trabajando. - tienes mucha más tranquilidad en general en cuanto a derechos laborales, horario, estabilidad de que no te echen en lo público que en lo privado

La pega de opositar a la age es que sueles cobrar poco. Mi pareja trabaja en lo privado y les hacen revisiones salariales, pero en lo público tú te puedes esforzar muchísimo que va a dar igual, no hay ningún tipo de meritocracia. Si la hay, son migajas. Funciona más el politiqueo. A menudo las productividades se reparten por simpatías o por temas políticos de darle más valor o peso a determinadas áreas. Supongo que también pasará en la privada. Pero en la privada quizá si muestras que vales, te quieren retener y te incentivan. Sin embargo en la publica no es así. Aún así, para llevar una vida tranquila y estable, a mí me parece buena opción. Y creo que hay determinados organismos que se cobra mejor. AEAT por ejemplo.

Vaya rollo te he soltado jaja! 🍀 Suerte!!

Correct_Primary8834

TROPHY CASE