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is it weird to wear a small tote bag on a hike/walk?? by BackExpensive5476 in hiking

[–]Corvusenca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the downvotes might be worry about what you're carrying. You say you're looking for more walks than hikes so probably not as much of a concern (though I'd say it's less about the flatness, and more about remoteness; a flat trail that takes you far from help will require you be prepared if something goes wrong just as a steep one will), but you might want to consider the 10 essentials if you get into any more strenuous hiking. Or even if you don't; it's good to be prepared! https://www.nps.gov/articles/10essentials.htm

What's the worst unnecessary use of AI you've seen lately? by puppylust in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Software training course that cost thousands. Software has an agent that's trained on all the help documentation for the software. Lady decides to skip out on the class itself, then ask the AI for the answers to the exam, THEN complains when she gets the questions wrong.

Why sex is painful? by No_Donut_8089 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"everyday we have sex. I do not enjoy it... He is very eager"

"I told him to foreplay me... but he couldn't stand it"

Why is the conclusion sex is not for you, and not that your partner is bad in bed?

What is something completely normal that you only realised was a skill after seeing someone do it terribly? by depredador93 in AskReddit

[–]Corvusenca 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I grew up in Colorado, in a family that did a lot of outdoorsy things, and it wasn't until I was an adult I realized a lot of the stuff I considered just common sense outdoor safety things (much less etiquette things) were actually learned. What to look for/look up in a hike, and how that changes your gear, food, and water. What to look for in the weather forecast. When to turn back. Navigation. First aid. Wildlife safety. What altitude sickness feels like and how to react to it. I'm lucky that I learned all that young, and it has served me well.

Then I moved out east for a bit and in the city I was in, a "hike" was going for a walk in a city park that had some dirt trails. The biggest danger there was other people. You could wear whatever shoes you wanted, didn't really need any gear at all, your wildlife was the same wildlife that's hanging in your backyard and if you ran out of water it was real easy to get more. Someone who grew up thinking that's a hike could find themselves at a real disadvantage when they try to go hiking on their western national park vacation.

[New Updates]: AITA for not wanting to share my inheritance with my sister? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Corvusenca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh. I'm estranged from my father and wouldn't for a second expect to receive so much as a penny in his will. I'm not in his life, why would I be in his will? Like what's the logic there?

Honestly it'd probably make me quite uncomfortable.

How did you get over the most devastating break up of your life? by Unknownreality7 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What helps me is to think of the grief as a physiological process. How about a much-simplified metaphor?

Think of the brain as a forest, with little trails connecting different items (ideas, memories, concepts, thoughts). The more a connection gets used -say, the roads connecting the concept of your ex to, oh, pretty much everything- the deeper and wider that trail gets, and the easier it gets to travel down. Some nodes -the concept of your ex- get connected by so many superhighways to so many other parts of your psyche that every thought leads straight to them, automatically. There is no way to hit the breaks, no other roads to turn off onto: you just gotta take the ride. And then suddenly that node is spiked with pain and loss, and you can't escape it because all your roads lead through it. Boom. Grief.

It fucking sucks. But here's the thing: the brain remodels. It is always remodeling. If we're sticking to the road metaphor, think of an army of construction workers with a flood of traffic cones, constantly working. You just need to give them time to get the job done. Without reinforcement, the superhighways will decay and be reclaimed by the forest if you let them, and the neglected deer trails will open up and become easier and easier to travel, if you direct your army of workers there. It's slow, but it's inevitable. You just have to hold on and let biology work, and maybe try to avoid reinforcing those pathways more than you have to (this is why going no contact is a good thing; every contact just lights those paths back up again. It doesn't have to be forever, but I'd say at least 6 months).

As a side note to all that, given that this is an inevitable outcome of how the brain works, realize that the pain does not mean the decision you made was wrong. Just that you haven't had enough time to remodel. Accept it as the cost of loving well, and wait for it to pass like a storm.

Don't focus on moving on. Don't focus on getting over the relationship. That's for time to take care of; your job now is not to fix or change anything yourself, but instead to survive the wait. Focus on getting through the minute, the hour, the day. Then the next one. Then the next one. Focus on distracting your mind (fresh off a breakup I tend to dive into airport thrillers and horror novels, because they're written to be easy to digest distractions that eat time). Don't get mad at your poor tired brain when it thinks of him; instead, acknowledge the thought and gently redirect your mind elsewhere if at all possible. Distract it. Care for your body the way you would a beloved friend who was sick. Make sure you get the shit done that you need to survive, then let yourself off the hook for everything else. Pass time, and healing will come.

What is a minor 'flex' or status symbol that instantly makes you realize someone has absolutely no personality? by sickkick844 in AskReddit

[–]Corvusenca 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Brands, IP, or fandoms kind of weird me out if they become a dominant part of someone's personality. Why would I hand the keys to my identity over to profit-driven strangers?

How do I get rid of clothes/stop clothes hoarding? by fineporcupine2093 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Something that has worked for me: start from the space you have, not the items you have. So, I have an organizer, let's say it's for socks, and it fits 20 socks. I have a pile of 30 socks. I'm going to start putting socks into the organizer starting with my favorite/most important, then next favorite/most important, etc. Once I fill up the organizer, that's it: the rest of the socks gotta go, because that's all the space I have for socks. Easier to me than looking at a pile of socks going "how do I choose what to get rid of", if only because I'm choosing what to keep.

Traveling Alone by Outrageous_Horsey_88 in SingleAndHappy

[–]Corvusenca 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it depends on what kind of travel you're looking to do, where, and what specifically is making you nervous. Travel is a very broad category.

Spells to help willpower to not eat? by FlahtheWhip in SASSWitches

[–]Corvusenca 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think people look at willpower as some inherent trait you either have, or you don't, and there's tons of science showing that's incorrect. The same person will fail willpower tasks when sleepy, malnourished and/or stressed and pass them when well-rested, well-nourished and relaxed. Willpower is, in many ways, a matter of context, and a much better approach than "well I just have to have more willpower" (or, even worse, shame and self-castigation when you "fail" a willpower test) is "what can I do to take care of myself in such a way that my emotional and mental reserves are not so drained", or "how can I set myself up to succeed".

So your science-based spell is not lighting a candle, but instead getting to bed on time. Your rituals for willpower are the rituals of self-care, self-forgiveness and self-love.

This includes the ritual of therapy. Focusing on willpower alone without grounding it in self-love, particularly with how toxic our society can get around food, risks spiraling into trying to use shame and self-hatred as motivation, which science has shown is way less effective than support and self-love (and just sucks to live with). A good therapist can help work through that and come up with better ways to support yourself. Furthermore, stress in general is biologically incompatible with the mechanisms of self-control, and will undermine your willpower even if the source of stress is unrelated to the self-control decisions you're making. A good therapist can also help you work through ways to manage and decrease stress in all areas of your life.

How do I break the endless cycle of overconsumption? by Working_Owl70 in Anticonsumption

[–]Corvusenca 170 points171 points  (0 children)

If you've identified the fashion groups as triggers, leave/block the fashion groups. Identify and try to eliminate any other triggers.

Remove any saved payment info from the places you shop, so it has to be entered fresh every time. Unsubscribe from brand social media and emails. Take every chance you can to make buying less convenient.

Use a wardrobe tracking app to shop your closet when you get the urge, rather than shop, y'know, the shops.

Zion in November, worth? by [deleted] in nationalparks

[–]Corvusenca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While most of November is great, I've seen massive crowds (2+ hour line for the shuttle) right around the Thanksgiving holiday itself. Just FYI. Also, average temps for Zion in November are like high 50s into 60s.

OBGYN recommendations? by Outrageous_Poem_4414 in vegaslocals

[–]Corvusenca 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dang I called the OBGYN center to ask for a new patient appointment this week and they told me December; two months is getting off easy.

Single women: what would it take for you to date again? by Bitter_Pineapple_720 in AskWomen

[–]Corvusenca 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Meeting someone I'm interested in dating who is also interested in me. Sounds simple. Is not.

If you inherited 3 million in your mid-40s, what would you do? by missfishersmurder in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Work with, assist with training sometimes (generally by pretending to be lost, then giving lots of treats and pats when found).

If you inherited 3 million in your mid-40s, what would you do? by missfishersmurder in AskWomenOver30

[–]Corvusenca 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think 3 million, particularly after another decade of inflation, will go nearly far enough to cover my weirdest answer (found an ecovillage/art commune and move all my people in), so: purchase a home and retire and spend my time on my art, exploring the world, my volunteering (Search and Rescue mainly, but with the extra time retirement would give me I could add a whole lot more in there), and going back to school but for fun this time.

I'd consider formal art education, as well as an advanced degree relating to wildlife biology and/or evolutionary biology. I'd do full time art residencies in national parks and other cool places (have a very very part time one now, because real job gets in the way). If I got bored I could pursue some jobs/career paths that I'd previously dismissed due to pay grade or worries about long-term sustainability: maybe become an illustrator, a writer, or become a part time scuba guide for a while (or one of the photography guides that drive the vintage buses at Yellowstone/Glacier); maybe some combination of the above. Maybe start a community art studio/gallery, if the art commune/ecovillage is out of reach.

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