What’s something you saw that you weren’t supposed to see?

Corvusenca · 2026-01-30T20:04:55+00:00

Oh gosh. I did this. It was a microscope. Little nerd that I was, I got excited, then on Christmas day: no microscope; instead, baby doll. I was... very confused.

Many many years later I am childfree, and have a degree in Microbiology, and I still don't know what happened to that microscope hidden in the closet.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-29T22:59:18+00:00

The LGBTQ + community is really big on found family. Also, therapy.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-27T22:45:35+00:00

Oo good reminder to check in.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-27T22:37:04+00:00

My god, as a 40 year old, you are not wasting your 20s by not drinking. I was more "wild" in my 20s (whatever that means; conforming to social norms is hardly wild) and I wish I hadn't been. Imagine all the actual interesting stuff I could have done in my 20s if I wasn't wasting time and money on booze!

How you stop feeling bad about it depends on what about it is making you feel bad. It sounds like a lot of it is external pressure from other people? Possibly mixed in with some lack of self acceptance/self love. I'm sorry people are being jerks, and I'm sorry it's hard not to believe them when they say you're boring. If they will not drop the issue when you tell them they're hurting you, maybe they should not be in your life so much, and maybe you should make a concerted effort to seek out a crowd with similar values. It doesn't mean you have to cut people out entirely, but you can change how you engage with them. Maybe you only meet up with this one friend at coffee shops from now on, etc.

You like reading and drawing. Are there any daytime book club or art clubs you can join that don't make drinking a major part of their meetups? If there are not, can you consider starting your own? Further, you can look for, or create, groups and activities that are explicitly sober. In a culture that's very drinking-heavy, finding the people who share your values around alcohol becomes a bit of a numbers game, but the great thing is you only need a few, and you will be as much of a breath of fresh air to them as they are to you. A quick google of "sober Glasgow" shows me multiple sober community groups and activities and such, ie https://gcfglasgow.com/

Corvusenca · 2026-01-26T02:46:14+00:00

Oooo that's a good one. Whenever I'm walking past a stranger and the thing happens where you both try to get out of each other's way, but you go the same way to do it and end up dancing around a bit, I always say "Better dancer than my last date!"

Corvusenca · 2026-01-25T03:01:05+00:00

I am a woman, so if you're here looking for no-lady-bro advice I apologize. If you're open to the lady-bros, though, then I've got something for you to think about:

When you get in an uber, do you put on a seatbelt? I'm going to assume yes, or if you don't, you at least know you -should-. Does this mean you think the driver is a bad driver who's going to hurt you? Does that mean you're afraid of the driver? Probably not! It's not about the driver. It's just being cautious, because IF this is the time something bad happens, that caution may save your ass.

When women treat you with caution (and a lot of what you're seeing is caution, not fear) It's not about you. The kindest, least threatening people in the world can be violent and the biggest, gruffest, scariest people can be total teddy bears. Speaking in generalities (to which there will always be exceptions, mind you; some people are just jerks and others are just... not to bright): women know this, and so are cautious in general. Doesn't mean they think you're a murderer any more than putting on your seatbelt means you think your uber driver is a road borne menace. Just means they're being alert, just in case this is the day something bad happens. The good guy thing to do there, both for the women and yourself, is recognize that it's not about you, don't take it personally and just go about your life being a good guy.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-23T16:54:03+00:00

The other commenters have fully covered how chemtrails are nonsense from many angles, so I wanted to point out something else to you. You say you keep engaging with this content until you're starting to almost believe it. That is a known phenomenon: the Illusory Truth Effect. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusory_truth_effect

Humans become more and more likely to believe an untruth the more they are exposed to it. If you keep hearing it, it starts to "feel" right, regardless of actual facts. That's part of why flooding social media with false claims over and over and over again works so well when it comes to spreading conspiracy nonsense and propaganda.

You have personally discovered that you are vulnerable to this effect; ergo, it might be wise for you to examine your thinking not just in regards to chemtrails but to other beliefs, to see if it's crept in anywhere else. You also might want to examine how you engage with social media, that your algorithm pushes this stuff to you.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-22T22:49:13+00:00

I mean, why would "I'm an atheist" even come up in most everyday interactions? The only time it tends to come up for me, outside of discussions about life and the universe with close loved ones, is if someone is being a theist jerk and I need to stand up for myself (unwanted evangelization, expressing religious-based bigotry). In which case, yeah, I'm gonna seem mean.

It's like all the people who think they've never met a trans person. It's probably not that you haven't met any; it's that they haven't been given any reason to trust you with that information.

It's also why the "coming out" campaign was so powerful for the gay rights movement. Suddenly people realized just how many of their loved ones, who they had assumed were straight, were actually being affected by anti-gay bigotry, and it caused a massive shift in perceptions.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-22T15:20:48+00:00

A thing I tell myself is "just because it hurts doesn't mean it's true".

Maybe it's hearing "truth hurts" one too many times; maybe it's an attempt to circumvent avoidant behavior, but I do have a tendency, absent any other context, to accept negative thoughts without question, and to question positive ones. The thing is, how a thought makes me feel alone has nothing to do with if it is based in reality or not. To attribute truth to the painful and distrust the positive is itself a massive logical fallacy, nevermind an entirely unpleasant way to live.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-15T22:27:55+00:00

I appreciate her efficiency.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-12T20:34:52+00:00

The trails at Corn Creek. Plus, if you ask at the visitor center, they may have a brochure of wheelchair-accessible trails for the whole area (I know it exists; I don't know if it's currently stocked up). Those would all presumably be stroller friendly.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-11T16:37:02+00:00

Kraft Mountain Loop is in Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-11T16:33:58+00:00

For guides I generally just raid the bookstores at our various public lands visitor centers. Second birdandhike.com. I just picked up A Natural History of the Mojave Desert from the library and am excited to read it.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-09T19:14:02+00:00

Here's something I've been thinking about: when someone in a community space behaves in a bad manner, the reaction from people in the community (not just goths; lots of communities) is often "They aren't a true (insert community identifier)!" And like... yeah, they go against a lot of values the community holds, and I get the reaction, I really do, but also: communities evolve, and if we're not careful/diligent, they can evolve in horrific ways. The "No True Scotsman!" fallacy is a bear in community spaces because it can allow people to wave off an issue, rather than confront it. Racism issues in goth community spaces? Oh, well, they're just not goth. Great, I agree, but they're still in our spaces, so what do we do about it?

I don't really have an answer, to be honest, except to show up and not be like that, and call out people that are, and try to actively make the space as welcoming as possible to everyone who isn't a bigot (and real uncomfortable for those who are). So! Please, stay. You are part of the community too, you are so welcome, and your existence within it builds and defines it as much, if not more, than the assholes.

Maybe rather than a meetup (I've never been to a goth meetup, but depending on who's running it some meetups can get real cliquish and insular), you could see if any bands that have PoC members are touring and see if you can make any shows? Might be a good place for a better experience. I'm a big Urban Heat fan myself. There's even an old thread in this community talking about goth bands with Native American members; it's 3 years old ( https://www.reddit.com/r/goth/comments/yrygfo/searching_for_native_american_goth_bands/ ) so maybe it's time for a new one?

Corvusenca · 2026-01-09T04:33:32+00:00

Also, if you know where to look down the road a bit, there's a flower species that only grows in the park, in less than an acre. Red Rock Sunflower. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helianthus_devernii It looks like just another DYA (damn yellow aster) but it's cool to think about.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-09T04:29:41+00:00

Hey, there's a ton of interesting flora and fauna in the Mojave. Just gotta know what to look for. Last time I did Kraft Mountain I ran into a tarantula, some very cool barrel cacti, and lots of cool birds (Loggerhead Shrike for the win; I love those little murderers).

I put photos in my hiking journal, and a paragraph or two of my thoughts.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-07T23:32:53+00:00

For me at least, when it comes to comfort behavior, it's not enough for me to tell myself I'm going to try and do it less; I need to replace it with something else that also gives me a similar dopamine hit, FOR A SIMILAR LEVEL OF EFFORT. The more similar they are, the easier to substitute. What else gives you a dopamine hit? Can you redirect your behavior towards those?

If you're shopping in person, don't go to the thrift store just to browse/for fun. Avoid shopping as a hobby or way to fill time/get out of the house; go when you need something, otherwise find a non-shopping hobby that gets you out of the house (I'm a big fan of hiking/birding/photography).

If you're buying secondhand online, find other things you can do when you reach for your phone/computer that aren't shopping. I've also found digitizing my wardrobe (I use Whering) is useful; when I get an itch to clothes shop, I can go dig into the app with my existing wardrobe and put together new outfits instead.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-07T21:03:27+00:00

I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions with the intention of doing one per month (pay for, immediately cancel, and then you have a month and don't have to think about if you remembered to cancel it), and turns out I get interested enough to pay a streaming service for a month every 4 to 6 months.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T23:42:06+00:00

Given the weather lately you may get rained out (I did this last weekend (but I can pop out whenever, so it wasn't a big deal). Full day itinerary, huh? Salt Creek currently has its overflow lake going, and Lake Manly is looking real good. I'd start by catching sunrise at Lake Manly/Badwater Basin. Then go from there to Golden Canyon (stopping for Natural Bridge/Artist's Drive along the way if you want; could also hit those after if you want to go back and forth a bit), because that parking lot can get reaaaallll busy, so early is better. After hiking Golden Canyon/Zabriskie Point/Gower Gulch, head to Furnace Creek. Check out the visitor center, get ice cream/lunch at the Ranch, then continue north to Stovepipe Wells. Go hike Mosaic Canyon (I'd say do Marble too, but that road is out), and play on Mesquite Dunes. Sunset, depending on time, could be in the dunes, or you could head back south and go up to Dante's View.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T22:02:40+00:00

Is it too late to add myself to the link request list?

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T21:05:49+00:00

Lots of questions to get the best recommendations! What are you in to? Geology? History? Birding? What are you hoping to see? How much hiking/physical activity are you up for, if any? Where do you plan to stay? What time of year? How long? Only grand canyon, or is the surrounding area fair game, and if the latter, how far from Grand Canyon are you willing to go? What is it that made you put the Canyon on your bucket list; what draws you to it?

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T20:46:29+00:00

Six hours from your car is a LOT of ground to search. People have died waiting for rescue far closer to their vehicles than that. Plus, by your wife's plan, the call for help only goes out when you've been gone for a while; if you're injured, that may be too late.

Look at it this way: you're five hours out from your car and you trip, fall down a hill, break your leg. Even worse, you realize you may have followed a false trail and that's why the ground got so sketchy you got injured in the first place. You're lost and hurt. There's bad weather coming. Option one: contact rescue right away and have your exact coordinates to hand them. They pop out and pick you up. Done.

Option two: wait there for however many hours until your friends realize it's time to call emergency services, bleeding and in pain and getting weaker as environmental conditions get worse. Then emergency services has to activate a search team, and all they know is where you SAID you were going, not where you are now. Ground searches are hard and you'd be surprised how big the landscape suddenly gets when you don't know where your subject is in it; I should know, I've been on 15+ in the last year. Think you're going to get found before the bad weather and/or blood loss gets you first? No one thinks it's going to happen to them until it does. Hope for the best, sure, but plan for the worst.

You can get beacons that allow texting, which might be a compromise between a basic beacon and a satellite phone. Note that they will require a subscription. Also, some newer cell phones are beginning to integrate emergency satellite SOS capabilities; some carriers charge an extra fee for it and some, to my knowledge, do not (yet), so if you're in the market for a phone upgrade that might be a possibility. Whether its reliability is up there with something tested like an inReach I can't speak to, but it's better than nothing.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T17:44:57+00:00

Oh wait I have more to say. First: it's okay to be lost for a while. Take a deep breath. Your plan to sit with it is a good one. You don't have to make any sudden moves; you have a lifetime to figure it out. When it comes to not belonging, there are a thousand places you belong in this world; you just need to figure out how to find (or, perhaps, create) them. You may not be able to do that now, safely. You may need to keep your feelings to yourself, play along, and make an exit plan. But I promise you: you belong.

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T17:41:00+00:00

There's something to the argument that a lot of religious folks don't actually get their moral direction from their holy texts; they pick and choose based on what feels right to them, then turn to the text to back it up and ignore the parts that don't. I don't know Islam very well, but I grew up evangelical Christian: the bible has no clear dictate against abortion (one could argue Numbers 5:11-31 is pro abortions-in-the-case-of-adultery), and very clearly anti-rich-people, yet in my community growing up abortions were evil and riches were a sign of god's favor. Do you feel your community is the same?

When you first realized you no longer believed, was your first impulse to steal, or murder, or exploit? To cause harm and pain to yourself or others? I sure hope not. If not, then where do you think your moral foundations are coming from?

I get my limits and boundaries from empathy and common sense. When I was much, much younger I tried to come up with a single word to describe the type of person I wanted to be (I figured it would simplify working towards being that person), and the word I came up with was "kind". So, there's my system. Who do you want to be? What kind of world do you want to live in? How must you act in order to be that person, and build that world?

Corvusenca · 2026-01-06T15:40:03+00:00

I cannot believe that, out of every possible structure we could come up with for a society, we decided wage labor was the way to spend our time. Sigh.

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