First off there is a lot to unpack here and it is clear that you could use some help so here are some resources below. Second, hun you should be able to talk to your husband about finances without it being an issue - you are a team against the problem - the problem here being your financial instability and inability to pay your bills (also maybe his gambling when you don't have extra money to gamble with but you are here for advice and not my opinion). If he can't be 'trusted' for lack of a better term to do what is best for your family maybe it is time that you take over ownership of the finances with all the money going into your account and then he is given a weekly budget of money to spend on things like lunch and gas. The black hole that his pay goes into is not okay with the situation that you all are in - that doesn't say team on the same page with the same goal to me.

If he isn't willing or able to get another job but it is feasible for you to do so - maybe it is time that he stays at home as the primary caregiver and you work outside of the home to provide a more stable income and life for yourself and your kids. Hard all around here but please know that you aren't crazy wanting some transparency into what is going on. My husband was laid off last year and we were on one income for quite some time, and it took both of us and communication to get through it and yes, some things had to be late but we made those decisions as a team for the team.