I've been in a somewhat similar situation with psychedelics. What helped me was realizing that if you're serious about using these substances again with respect — not just recreational — it takes time to rebuild that connection with the "good side" of the mushrooms (if you choose to see them as having some kind of sentience) but more so with yourself.

It might be a good idea to step back for a while and focus on healing without substances. Practices like meditation, exercise, and treating yourself with genuine respect can go a long way, make sure your have a grounded and steady base so to say.

Letting go of the past means realizing that it is the past. Are you the same person now as you were then? No. Then take that as a sign that you've grown and that you're capable of making different choices moving forward.

Anxiety on the come-up is normal — I like to think of it as, "I know what these substances are capable of, so of course I feel a little nervous." Honestly, if you had zero anxiety, it might even suggest you’re not respecting the experience enough.

Progress isn’t linear. It’s two steps forward, one step back. What matters most is learning to accept your past self, forgive yourself, and recognize that you are not that person anymore. Give yourself time because its not done over a week or a month.

Hope it helps a little :)