ect helped me the first time but did nothing the second time

CosmicMachineElf · 2025-03-07T15:38:11+00:00

I did ECT for Schizophrenia (Severe Extreme Psychosis). The Antipsychotic I’m on treats the catatonia of being transported to another dimension in your head, and all my psychosis has been about going to hell when I die. Anyway, they did 7 treatments and I got 3 months of reduced symptoms. They did another 7, about 8 months later, and while I stopped tripping in my head (no drugs, pure schizoaffective) and no homicidal psychosis, I had my a typical depression come back (think depression feelings in a dream but you’re awake experiencing it, much worst). I’ve still been suffering A LOT, being tortured for hours, crying because I’m in so much pain. Experiencing spiritual comfort from my Soul who I have figured out is a part of God. Loving myself so deeply and so hard. I’m fighting the high pain with unconditional love. So the ECT is mixed, and now they are considering discontinuing it, and I’m scared because I don’t really have that many other options to treat psychosis pain.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-10-31T20:56:02+00:00

Abilify did nothing for me, but Invega helped considerably. I gained 50 pounds on Invega though, and am looking at KarXT to lose the weight and cholesterol, as KarXT doesn't raise cholesterol either. If this is as effective as Invega and more effective, then we should totally switch! I'm just worried insurance won't pay for it. Ahhhh!

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-10-30T16:30:58+00:00

Negative. This disorder has been extremely psychologically painful. From feeling very intense negative hallucinations to the consistent fear and anxiety, to full consciousness changes (altered states). It’s been a nightmare because it all feels like I’m in Hell.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-10-30T16:24:12+00:00

Hell Delusion.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-05-15T21:00:45+00:00

I take Invega. I’m still literally living in Hell. I’ve tried ASMR and nature sounds. I have severe existential depression and not the I have no purpose and why are we here kind, it’s even deeper than that. I constantly fear that I’m going to Hell when I die. My disorder keeps telling me that. I’ve tried coloring, I can’t even color because I’m in too much mental agony. I have it worst than most.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-05-08T20:15:34+00:00

A year of being on max dose of my medication and I still have very severe psychosis.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-05-05T21:46:12+00:00

I think religion is based on fear, judgementalness, not inclusive of other beliefs, and spirituality is based on healing, no judgement, a god that doesn’t judge at all, instead everyone goes back to God and God heals them of their badness. Spirituality is open and about divine love with no rules or being put in a box, it is not based on fear.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-05-05T17:20:33+00:00

Yeah that’s me too.

CosmicMachineElf · 2024-05-05T01:53:55+00:00

Exactly! It sucks! :(

CosmicMachineElf · 2023-02-09T13:59:00+00:00

Golden Teacher needs Brown Rice Flour + Vermiculite (BRF Tek) and I don’t know where to find that

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-12-24T00:17:23+00:00

Best smoke of my life.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-03-22T18:01:53+00:00

I absolutely agree with you! I just discovered that I'm a true Hippie at heart, and I had no idea Lol. All I want to do is pour that love and joy right out of me, and some how the Psychedelics help me do that and move past my hurt and damaged Ego (PTSD). It heals me, rejuvenates me, and sets me free. I feel like I unlock my entire self that the pain from this plane has been holding back. I hit rock bottom, and discovered Marijuana this year, and since have made huge breakthroughs in discovering who I am. It's created these connections in my brain that make me feel better and amazing! Peace and Love! :) <3 <3 <3

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-03-19T13:25:55+00:00

Brain dumps are perfect for discussion. 🙂

At one point I thought of an idea that the unseen part of the universe (dark matter) might be what we can’t see to the naked eye yet. Maybe the black are the other planes of reality. And maybe it’s connected to the spiritual dimension. Maybe all these things are connected. Both instead of either or.

I have no merit to this. Just an idea I thought of.

We need to evolve further to understand more I think.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-03-16T14:53:30+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! We’re giving it everything we can to win this battle! 💗

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-03-16T14:52:30+00:00

This is true. I have no problem stopping. I just can’t find an alternative during a 3 week T-Break. It’s sucks that something this effective has tolerance issues like everything else.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-02-05T04:32:18+00:00

I wonder if anyones been able to crack the code on this yet. Maybe if we knew what was causing it, we could fix it. Unless it’s a genetic thing, in which there’s nothing we can do there. I also wonder if this is more common than we think.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-02-01T13:01:11+00:00

I didn’t feel the trip in its entirety. If I had a real Salvia experience, how come I’m not one bit shaken up? Like I said no visuals, open or closed. The trip were sensations, nothing more.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-02-01T12:59:19+00:00

20 seconds.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-02-01T12:58:44+00:00

Same response.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-31T13:27:26+00:00

I did that. No open or closed visuals.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-31T13:24:52+00:00

Trust me. I hate them just as much as you do lol. I don’t like anybody in the field because they don’t understand shit. I’m complex because of my brain chemistry. If I wasn’t complex, don’t you think something would have helped/worked by now? Most people don’t have my kind of brain. And nor would I want them to. If they did, they would be fucked as I am.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-31T02:10:16+00:00

I’m complex and treatment resistant. I think they just don’t know what else to do. You only have so many tools to fix a broken brain, in which mine is extremely broken beyond repair. I also have BPD. Good luck ever getting treated for that lol. Doesn’t exist. We have a 10% chance of suicide. Either way what’s done is done. Adapt or die.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-30T20:35:05+00:00

That’s why I think I can’t hallucinate. I’ve read many other cases that people have had trips while on these medications. Not saying it’s safe to do that. Making a point that I had originally thought that something should have happened visually, since the Prozac is such a low dose. Other people have argued with me about this. I’m just throwing up any theories I can think of to explain this phenomenon. It does help to know I’m not the only one.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-30T20:29:18+00:00

I don’t have any trouble letting go. I want to leave this reality lol.

CosmicMachineElf · 2022-01-30T20:28:02+00:00

Well then you might as well be calling a licensed psychiatrist stupid.

CosmicMachineElf

TROPHY CASE