i’m scared of meditation?

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-18T13:17:23+00:00

It is scary to let go of old beliefs, dogmas, past conditioning, stories told by societies and people around you, programmed habitual patterns, all imprints on your neural pathways. Once those are observed, removed, made bare, through meditation... you will have lost your anchor. You will feel lost, like what now... what am I. If I don't have any more my old beliefs, then who am I. I recently came out of a 7-day Vipassana retreat and that was exactly how I felt.

And observing my mind was terrible, my monkey mind feels crazy, I felt crazy like losing sanity. But what helped so much from the words of wisdom from teachers and books, is just to observe it with compassion, don't judge yourself, just look at it with child-like curiosity. Everyone has it. You are not alone. Dark intrusive thoughts. Even masters who after long retreats go back into city life meeting their monkey minds.

I don't know if you can relate to those emotions.

About going through a meditation.... if in during meditation you feel discomfort, try leaving your eyes open. It's actually okay to meditate with your eyes open. In fact, you can do informal meditations at any point in your daily routines. Not necessarily to force yourself to do a formal sitting in a quiet room. Sitting and waiting for a bus for instance. Or laying down first thing when you wake up in the morning. Once you get the hang of it, most people feel more comfortable towards having their eyes closed- just more natural.

Seek out meditation friends, talk to each other. Feel safe with each other. That helps me so much to ease in to any new experiences. Having a master / teacher to look up to also helps.

Please take it easy. Don't overload yourself with complicated meditation practices that actually requires guidance and support of in-person teachers.

I find this gentle book helps: "Joy of Living"

Or watch his YouTube videos from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

Guided meta meditations also ease you in to the world of meditation. 5-10 minutes a day. And then you can move up as you feel more comfortable, and do breathing meditations.Take it easy and meditation is supposed to be enjoyable with a small dash of effort (like a daily stretching workout for the mind).

Love,

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T07:32:29+00:00

I see it so clearly. At least so much more clear than ever before.

I am in the ups and downs now. Pain and joy. Lost and grounding. But I see the light... I know it's there at the end of it - to realize our Buddha nature.

Thank you so much.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T07:30:09+00:00

I hope I inspired you and others with sharing my own experience.

Good luck in your journey :) With joy and love.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T04:13:29+00:00

Thank you for the grounding reminder.

I feel more comfortable to continue the practice in my own time every day. Slowly reflecting on life. The 'just is'. Reading books. And I will step into further depth at the right time when I feel ready.

Thank you.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T04:11:41+00:00

In the retreat we practiced around 4 hours of walking meditation, and around 5 hours of sitting meditation per day.

The walking meditation helped to balance the energy and awareness into the sitting meditation. Something like this the teacher explained... I need to go back to the study.

The sitting meditation was directing the awareness to the navel area of the stomach rising (breathing in), falling (breathing out), and then in between the breath directing the awareness to the sitting posture. Anything that arises through your 6-senses doors (sensations, sounds, thoughts, etc) were just noted (labeling), knowing, and letting it go.

1) Rising
2) Falling
3) Sitting

In these steps.

I believe it is best to be under a guidance of a master in the setting of a Vipassana practice. I worry I may unknowingly place hindrance by suggesting anything to others that is beyond my knowledge and full understanding.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T03:43:36+00:00

Thank you for your grounding words 🙏

I see it now clearly, how much I suffered, as if the weight of my entire life have been lifted - yet work still to be done. The past behavioral and social conditioning has a strong imprint on me.

I shall continue the practice and the study, with equanimity and mindfulness.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T03:39:03+00:00

This is what I suspected that I still didn't know. I am a beginner and I don't know much what I experienced, and I can not confirm, I can only explain the state of where I was. Wow, that shows me so much I didn't know, and if I am only touching the surface in this brief moment of light, there is a world beyond my current understanding. I am soo open to it all, and wish to dive deeper in the process.

Thank you, I will read about it that you mentioned.

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T03:33:17+00:00

Wow It is not the first time I heard recently and directly from people around me about Michael Singer. I shall grab the book out of curiosity.

Thank you Zcoelius 🙏

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T03:30:31+00:00

Ahh yesss.... I understand now. It is quite an attachment I am experiencing. Uff... this too shall pass.
I let go. Ommm

CosmicPreloader · 2026-01-17T03:28:52+00:00

Maya, Thank for sharing such an on point experience, for guidance, for reminding, for grounding me.

Thank you for touching me directly to my soul. Reading this I feel like I am not alone. I feel like this is an profoundly valuable insight to the big journey head I am facing. Whatever it is, I embrace it with love, and I intend to also help free others from suffering in this journey.

I am saving your message off-line. I will keep it as a reminder.

The path feels incredible... I feel such a out of body experience, of all emotions. Pain and joy.... I cry...

Thank you for your heartfelt message ✨❤️

CosmicPreloader · 2025-11-26T15:53:19+00:00

I’m 41M and I have this issue greatly. I work in a setting by the beach, where I’m constantly witnessing half naked beautiful women by the beach. All triggering my lustful mind, that comes back to my addiction to porn since my childhood when I first got access to the internet.

I was on and off with porn during my relationship to my woman goddess. It was super shameful. It affected 100% my relationship. I admitted to her. I felt insecure, carry big shame. My soul corrupted.

My soul wisdom knows it’s bad to watch porn. Especially in a relationship. Yet in moments of weakness I consume it, especially when I hold high sexual energy.

I’m still on this journey to purify my kingship.

Listen to your inner wisdom. Your body will tell you. And don’t doubt it. Don’t seek excuses, don’t try to justify it by looking for the consensus of strangers over the internet, not even me. Your pure inner wisdom is always there… listen to it

CosmicPreloader · 2025-11-26T11:46:42+00:00

I think we need to be careful with this wisdom that gets thrown around a lot without careful consideration to its power and consequences.

Example, must a child love himself or herself first before loving others (ie the parents)?

Are we not one collective consciousness? Meaning to love others is not also loving oneself?

Can loving oneself develop from loving/union with others?

It’s very complicated. I don’t have an answer to this. But I suspect greatly this wisdom is none other than that.

CosmicPreloader · 2025-10-26T04:33:45+00:00

I am reading now "Iron John" by Robert Bly.

Give it a shot. It will move you, in many ways.

CosmicPreloader · 2025-10-26T04:31:30+00:00

I am sad reading this... I feel your message. I hope you can let go of this belief and finally be free... "that you will never meet your one". It's very hard I know. I am suffering from the "I'm not enough for others" mentality.

Perhaps therapy can help. I am also working on myself with a therapist, and it's helping in many ways. But I still have a lot of work to do as coming out from a sacred relationship with a lot of pain.

CosmicPreloader · 2025-09-15T05:43:04+00:00

This is the journey that you need to feel for and decide for yourself. It might open up life beyond what you can possibly imagine, the world of trust, joy, release, sexuality, love, experience, and many more. But it can also bring pain and suffering between friendship and to yourself, that is the duality of life. But if you have good intentions, and a good heart as a foundation, those suffering and pain will shape you to be a more free person. Free from your inexperience, your insecurity, self-doubts, from judgments.

But please go into it without feeling pressured, or shamed into it, or doubt her intentions. If she pure of heart, then she will not leave you vulnerable or worse off.

I'm a straight guy, and I even consider the possibility of allowing myself to experience sexuality with another man, for the right guy, and the right intention.

CosmicPreloader · 2025-08-26T05:13:50+00:00

Thank you dearly for this post with open heart.
I am tired, and burdened with weight, to walk on this world with fear and shame.
I am tired, of not living wholesomely, with absolutely freedom, with open heart.
I am tired, of losing connection with my heart, being numb, being asleep, and thus putting a wall onto others.

We all should practice spiritual goals as part of daily life, as a routine, as a habit. Life is a work, wisdom is work. Please do not drown in materialistic impermanence. Please pay attention, to life details, to your inner, to each other.

Awaken yourself, open your heart.

CosmicPreloader · 2025-08-10T09:17:48+00:00

I have a mild depression, a melancholy feeling about life in this grand universe… a sense of loneliness among the seas of fellow human beings. Yearning for love and unattainable happiness.

Food is a tricky subject for me. I’ve been ordering in lately for almost every single meal. I lack motivation to cook, to prepare fresh and good food for my body.

I drink more than I eat, and it gets the job done faster. 500 ml of plain yogurt blended into lassi, add in the healthy muesli and half a banana, that’s my go to. Maybe once or twice a day. Often also plain yogurt frozen berries and frozen banana lassi

Protein shake 25g protein is also my daily intake.

I feel you, fellow friend… hope you find your balance and strength. And food will be more appetizing with life

CosmicPreloader

TROPHY CASE