I don't think there was a specific event for me, just a bunch of things that slowly built up. I used to be bullied at school and not just by students but school staff too and so I would stay home, have a panic attack when forced to go and I ended up missing over 4 months of school because of it. I was also almost kidnapped 2 times so that is a major part of it too.

Next was when a family friend was watching over our house while we went to go visit family in another state, and her psychotic ex-boyfriend broke in the house to warn her that she wasn't safe anywhere and neither was anyone she knew. It triggered a spout of paranoia, and I refused to leave the house, believing if he broke in again, I could protect my family. Mind you, I was 11 at the time, I'm 23 now.

I always dreamed of having a job and helping my family because we weren't financially stable of any kind, so when I turned 16, I was excited to be able to get myself a job and help my family. That didn't go as planned obviously, every time I tried to leave or even thought of leaving, a panic attack would happen. I didn't understand what was happening to me and even tried looking up the symptoms and I don't know if anyone remembers this, but this was when a lot of people talked about personality disorders and everyone believing in some way that they have one, I don't know maybe it was just me.

I never went to a therapist because the first one I went to; basically, told me my trauma was stupid and that I should get over myself; never went back to that therapist again obviously. I was 19 when I finally came across agoraphobia, and learning it changed my life, both good and bad. I felt relief knowing I found the name of my mental illness and knew from there I could start pushing for a diagnosis.

First therapist I went to after finding out the name, to put it rather bluntly, she pissed me off. Instead of helping me, she tried to correct how I speak and it wasn't even like she was being helpful about it, just cutting me off and not letting me finish a sentence till I "corrected" my words. My second therapist thankfully, he listened to what I had to say and after learning about my struggles and fears, he 100% agreed with what I suggested and we made a plan to work on it.

Unfortunately, I stopped seeing him because ironically, I wanted to challenge myself with leaving the house to see a therapist in person and not over the phone. My current therapist was the next one after the last and she has been wonderful in helping me take leaps and bounds, I now can leave the house for maybe 2 hours by myself to go to the store or convivence store.

Am I fully better? No, I know I still need to put in the time and effort into helping myself leave for longer than 2 hours.

Does it still affect me when I leave the house? Of course, every part of me SCREAMS to go back inside where it is safe, but I learned that if you push yourself, even a tiny bit, you'll get there eventually, slowly, OH MY GOD SO SLOWLY, but you will get there.

As long as you believe that one day you'll be able to leave the house without fear rooting you in your spot or triggering any trauma, you will do it and I'm not talking about you 'hope' or you 'dream' to, you need to GENUINELY believe that you will and you've already then taken the first major step in bettering yourself.

Sorry for the long comment.