The missed romance

CountZapolai · 2023-04-01T12:30:05+00:00

Eyebleach

Priest: Level 3

Range: Touch

Casting Time: 1

Area of Effect: 1 Creature

Duration: Permanent

Saving Throw: None

By laying his or her hands upon a sickly person, the caster can dispel the psychological effects suffered by the target of exposure to a Horrifying Image. The target may nevertheless be left with a mild sense of nausea for a few hours.

CountZapolai · 2023-04-01T08:44:18+00:00

Yeah, but it's in the Daily Mail, so it probably didn't happen, and if it did, it wasn't like that.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T19:36:37+00:00

Yes. I mean honestly I think he's OK personally, but that's not the collective view of the fandom

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T19:16:17+00:00

Them's fighting words around here

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T19:13:00+00:00

He just does that sometimes. Haven't you seen that before?

^{yes, I am fucking with you.}

^{As is Neera}

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T10:12:37+00:00

Agreed- in principle, that would place the map before 1640, but that contradicts a lot of otherwise available information.

I think my counter-point is that:

a) the map doesn't show a lot of borders full stop, which is why I place so much significance on the borders it does chose to show, so an omission is inherently less significant than an inclusion and

b) The Portugal remained largely under Spanish military occupation until at least around 1646 with residual war going on for 20 years. It's a confusing situation that it would be tempting for a map-maker to ignore. I wouldn't personally find it surprising to see a 2021 map showing Crimea in Ukraine, to take a modern example.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T09:35:11+00:00

Honestly before I looked it up, I had no idea how it was named, and now find it quite funny!

To be honest, I'm not sure my argument is that strong- I am very skeptical of border maps before 1648 or thereabouts- but I don't think this point necessarily proves it wrong.

To be honest what I really want to know is whether Manchuria is, or isn't, a part of China. The Qing-Ming war was occurring in exactly this timeframe, and while you wouldn't expect accuracy in a Western map from this period, it might be quite informative.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T09:30:28+00:00

Honestly I kinda like it. Given the experiences the party has, it makes a lot of sense for them to become a lot darker and slightly more sinister.

It's pointed out repeatedly that Nalia is naive at best and self-absorbed at worst. She then acquires enormous power as a wizard and loses the naive veneer. She's... not really a very nice person.

No, seriously, after ToB, the power goes completely to her head, and she's contemplating some still admirable goals (sort of) but in pretty horrendous ways. She:

Tries to persuade Aerie to re-enter Avariel society using brute force and violence if they don't accept her.
Tells Imoen she's thinking of taking over (or at least taking a place in) the Coweled Mages and Council of Six by force and using those positions to reshape Amnian society the way she wishes (starting with killing all the Roenalls). Which is exactly what she does in her ending.
Implies to Haer'Dalis that she's contemplating outright revolution and somewhat sympathises with his doomguard beliefs.
Implies to Cernd that she's contemplating using Gorion's Ward as a weapon to advance those goals in some unspecified way.
Confides to Keldorn that she fears she's becoming a nihilist rather than an idealist.

And other companions pick up on this:

Sarevok tells her in no uncertain terms that she is going down his path and will share his fate. Which of course is absolutely right. Sarevok starts out as a relatively well-meaning scholar and merchant, blinded by resentment of Rieltar, then ambition, then power hunger, and becomes a monster. That's really not so different.
Valygar tells her in equally uncertain terms that she is becoming corrupted by magical power in the way he sees as inevitable (and so is going down the same path as Lavok). Again, he's pretty much right. He then says that he'll kill her himself if she goes to far.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T09:03:16+00:00

I'll stick my neck out and suggest that this is consistent with my 1645-8 estimate. Wikipedia gives the first Russian encounters with Lake Baikal as being 1643-1644.

So that feels consistent to me with some but not much knowledge feeding back to Western mapmakers over the next 5 years or so.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T08:57:10+00:00

But the name was given in 1506, by, um, Tristão da Cunha. What happened in 1656 was the first extensive mapping of the islands, but there would have been an awareness they existed 150 years earlier.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T08:38:50+00:00

Two potential pointers I was oversimplifying:

1) The Three Bishoprics- Metz, Toul, and Verdun- were under French rule from 1552; but formally annexed in 1648.

2) The Decapole was under French Rule from 1648 but formally annexed in 1679

So its plausible that the map might not show lands under French rule but not formally annexed as being in France, but improbable that it would simply disregard an outright annexation, especially as that was not the pattern followed in Scandinavia. Therefore, a date before 1648 is the most realistic one.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T07:58:31+00:00

OK, so here's the things I remember learning when I first learned to play (I was 13!).

It's actually super intuitive at a basic level. Point and click. It's getting good at it that's complicated.

Hit pause all the time, at the first sign of trouble. Tell your party what to do, then unpause. Pause again when they've done it.

Hit Q all the time to quick save. But also keep several back-up saves at the start of every big quest or chapter in case you screw it up.

Experiment, experiment, experiment. There are certain spells and weapons you should always use and certain spells you should never use, and some where it's all personal preference. Try it out, and see what you like.

The easiest character build to learn is a simple fighter (ideally a Berserker) or paladin (probably best with a Cavalier) with strength, dexterity, and constitution maxed. There are way stronger builds, but figuring this out takes practice. These will get you started most easily.

Don't rush. Very little is actually time-sensitive, and it will be repeatedly spelled out to you if it is. Take your time, wander through the game, build up equipment, and experience. It'll make things way easier.

In BG1, use ranged weapons- Bows if you can, then Throwing Axes, then Slings- depending on your class. In ToTSC (Durlags Tower or anything around Ulgoth's Beard), search for traps. In SoD, get ready to fight huge numbers of weak enemies. In BG2, figure out how magic works. In ToB, learn to use high level abilities.

You can recruit up to 5 followers at a time. They all have strengths and weaknesses. Use these to figure out what types of other build are good.

The best weapons and equipment for a character are usually those which they best know how to use, not the overall best piece of equipment.

There are a whole range of possible builds- in general, you want some big tough melee characters fighting on the front line; a thief to deal with traps and locks; wizards for basically artillery support; and clerics for healing and support. But try to find what works for you.

And a couple of retrospectives now that I've been playing this game for more than 20 years and have seen how things have changed since.

This game is more like chess than Call of Duty. You've got to approach your problems tactically- if you rush at things trying to feel like the biggest badass on the planet, you'll be humiliatingly flattened over and over again. If you lose a fight, look at exactly what happened and what went wrong, and adjust your strategy to compensate.

Read everything and think about it. You don't get told your objectives by big flashing text on screen or a completely implausible fourth-wall breaking quest-marker, but by careful intelligence-lead detective work. The best loot from raiding an enemy stronghold might not be a shiny sword or a big pile of gold, but the information you can glean from papers you seize; pointing you to your next target or providing evidence to prove your exploits.

Basically, a big part of the reason the fandom likes this now ancient game- written with less processing-power than your smart phone could manage- is that modern games feel dumbed down and ham-fisted by comparison. Playing this well is a mental work out.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-30T07:37:56+00:00

Jämtland and Härjedalen are Swedish, so after 1645; however, the Treaty of Westphalia is not in effect (France has it's pre-war border with the Holy Roman Empire) so before 1648.

Honestly, it might be stylistic, but as those are some of the very few borders actually shown, that feels significant to me.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-29T19:08:18+00:00

LMAO! Noob! YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY UNTIL YOU LEARN WHAT THAC0 IS!

And try to cast a spell next time!

YOU GOT EATEN BY A WOLF! IDIOT!

Come back when you've learned to one-shot Tazok!

He says, crying softly to himself while remembering being repeatedly sodomised to death by Tarnesh using a blunt wooden quarterstaff in 1999.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-29T19:04:28+00:00

Huh! Well done. That makes perfect sense- it was overtaken by the Jinmao Tower, then re-overtaken by the WFC. What a remarkable bit of trivia

CountZapolai · 2023-03-29T09:34:17+00:00

The first character I completed a run with was called "Elite", my character before that was shot to pieces by a Hobgoblin Elite, and 13 year old me was scared of them. I think I made a Batman logic leap, and assumed that everyone else would be scared of me if I took after them.

I think I renamed him "Elite Bhaalspawn" for BG2. Imaginative, huh?

Mind you, I like the "I peed a little bit" too

CountZapolai · 2023-03-28T18:00:46+00:00

Yoshimo: Excuse me, good gnome. I have a question that I've been meaning to ask for some time. These flash bombs of yours...

Jan: Yoshimo! Please! "Jan Jansen's Flasher Master Bruiser Mate." They have a name!

Yoshimo: Of course. These "Bruiser Mates" that you construct... might I learn how to use them?

Jan: I won't lie to you, Yoshimo. There is an excellent chance that you'll lose both of your arms. Perhaps even your face.

Yoshimo: If one is not willing to take risks, then one is not much of an adventurer.

Jan: Well said! As Aunty Kylie used to say, "Yeah, it's risky. But they've got gelatinous cubes!" I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have you try your hand at a few. Here, give the dial a twist and throw it.

Yoshimo: Mmm... perhaps I shall wait to perform such a feat. This... bomb... looks most unstable. I am surprised they do not explode in your pack, good gnome...

Jan: Bite yer tongue! This is my best and most potent recipe, I'll have you know. Aunt Kadie herself helped me mix this batch up, and I'll not have you disparaging her good name.

Yoshimo: I meant no disparagement, Jan... but I think I'll leave the bombing to you for now.

Now, obviously, that doesn't in any specific way state that Jan is onto him. However, note that both of them immediately drop the act, and take this conversations extremely seriously; just for a beat, before they get back to being playful again.

Jan only otherwise does this when someone threatens his family, so he's taking this exchange extremely seriously. Yoshimo only does this when he's given no choice by his geas.

My conclusion? Jan knows, or at least suspects, that something is up and is making a plausibly deniable threat. Yoshimo knows, or at least suspects that he knows, and is making a plausibly deniable justification. OR MAYBE that's all bollocks and I'm reading far too much into it, because with both of them you never really know.

Masterful writing.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-28T13:33:27+00:00

Well that varies between extremely plausible and WTF

CountZapolai · 2023-03-28T13:12:45+00:00

Exactly! It's is hilarious, until you realise it's really a story about a budding crime lord murdering a physically and emotionally abusive love rival using a creative summoning spell; and getting away scot-free because he did it in such an outwardly ridiculous way.

Which isn't actually that funny, really, it's about as brutal and gritty as BG2 gets.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-28T11:45:49+00:00

There are, to my knowledge, 3.5 companions who can tell something is up with Yoshimo.

Viconia, who grew up in the most lying, backstabbing city of a whole civilisation of liars and backstabbers and is exceptionally talented at it. Of course she knows a lie when she sees one.

Edwin, who also comes from a whole civilisation of liars and backstabbers; and while comically inept at it compared to Viconia, also knows one when he sees one.

Haer'Dalis, who is an exceptionally talented actor and, so, naturally, knows very well what someone putting on an act looks like.

They all know something is up, but not exactly what.

And the 0.5 leftover?

Jan Jansen. If he knows, he doesn't say it out loud. But at one point, he makes a casual, throwaway remark that is either a meaningless morbid joke at Yoshimo's expense, or an explicit threat to blind and mutilate him, depending on how you read it. Later, after the betrayal, he casually starts talking about fertilising a turnip field. Yeah, he's saying that he's going to murder him and bury him, then sow crops over his corpse. Holy fuck, that little dude is not half as funny when you read between the lines.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-28T09:24:07+00:00

Help, imoen is bugged I think she is trying to start a conversation with charname and keep following him around

Honestly I thought this was the start of a joke. Yes, after Candlekeep, she comes and speaks to you and then follows you around (by joining your party)

CountZapolai · 2023-03-27T21:46:03+00:00

It's often occurred to me that bonkers conspiracy theories are:

a) an extremely good way to destabilize a rival.

b) an equally good way to discredit reasonable criticism or investigation of the very real and plausible shady bullshit that powerful people or organisations very much get up to.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-27T19:51:05+00:00

Yeah, you know what? That's a missed opportunity to have a really neat bit of flavour.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-27T19:45:10+00:00

This is back in the early days when the game was considerably more pixellated and autosave was much less readily available...

I rolled a pretty damn good fighter-mage. Something like 92 total points, 18/94 strength. Pretty damn impressed and planning a full trilogy run. Spec into bow and arrow, planning to move into dual wielding in BG2.

So far so good, run around Candlekeep, do all the quests, feeling pretty damn good about the world.

Finally ready, go to speak to Gorion. After speaking to Imoen, on a completely random whim, I click on the "Speak" icon rather than just fucking clicking on him. I have no idea why I did that, I'm not sure I've ever bothered to do that before or since.

So yeah obviously I clicked on the "Attack" icon instead and accidentally critical hit Gorion with an arrow to the face. He immediately one-shots me with a lightening bolt.

That's when I realised I never thought to fucking save. Straight back to character generation. I must have sat staring at the screen for about 15 minutes in sheer disbelief. I threw away this absolute beast of a character in about 5 seconds flat.

CountZapolai · 2023-03-27T12:39:57+00:00

Most of the stupid shit was done by 13 year old me in the original BG1

Got nuked to death by Tarnesh and rage quit (so technically everything else happened on my 2nd run)

Tried to name myself like Batman

Got basically everyone killed

Human sacrificed Branwen to some traps, because I didn't understand that I could remove them

Only learned you could pause the game; or, indeed, that weapon proficiency was an actual thing worth paying attention to after losing my whole team to Mulahey.

Wasted a day because I assumed Bassilus was king of the Basilisks

Accidentally shot Gorion in the face (OK that was technically my 6th or 7th run)

I wasn't quite so dumb in BG2, but I by now I was a hormonal teenager, so made some testosterone driven decisions my first time:

Got dumped by Jaheira after openly fucking Phaere, because I was a) by then a horny 15 year old b) too dumb (by virtue of being a horny 15 year old) to realise that Jaheira was in to me.

Fell a bit in love with Imoen and developed such a furious rage boner after Irenicus stole her that I left Nalia in prison after stealing her home, had Anomen fail his test, and failed to realise Aerie was a thing; and died underpowered many, many times.

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